Mainstream – Page 70

Boys Like Girls – Be Your Everything

It’s towards the cheesy end of pop punk

Tim: Now, this track doesn’t really belong on this blog, because they’re not remotely Europop, they’re not even European and in fact they haven’t really spawned any interest whatsoever outside of North America.

Tom: Hey, we did the Offspring last week. Roll with it.

Tim: Oh, I plan to – I heard their song Love Drunk when I lived in Canada and have been a bit of a fan ever since. This is their first new song in a while, accompanied by what I think is the most impressive lyric video we’ve seen yet.

Tom: Lyric videos, as an Official Thing, are only two years old – but my word, have they ever spread quickly. They’re a quick way to get a video onto YouTube without needing anything more than a one-or-two-person team. A pre-music-video video. No-one saw that coming.

Tim: Yes, it’s towards the cheesy end of pop punk…

Tom: Pop punk?!

Tim: That’s…quite an exclamation, given the limits of plain text.

Tom: If this is punk, then so is bloody Nickelback. These guys are rock. Maybe power pop. But there’s no way in hell they’re punk. The Vandals are pop punk. Green Day are pop punk. This lot? Not a chance.

Tim: Well, take your argument to Wikipedia. Anyway, if it wasn’t cheesy like it is then I probably wouldn’t like it as much – in fact, one of my favourite things about them is their habit of putting key changes in their songs, despite the fact that they’re Just Not Done in this type of music.*

* Theory of a Deadman (known vaguely in the UK for their 2008 song Hate My Life) are also quite good at this.

Tom: Someday, I’d like to hear a death metal band attempt a key change.

Tim: That’d be lovely. But here, part of me is annoyed, because if a song’s first line is about how you can’t tell a girl you love her, surely it has to end with you actually saying it, no? But still, it’s not like he’s leaving much doubt as to his feelings so it’s not so bad.

Tom: It did take me a few seconds to work out that the “four letter word” he’s referring to in the first line is “love”. I had other words in mind.

Tim: Overall, this is one reason for me to keep liking them, so I’m happy with it.

Pink – Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

This might be the best track she’s put out in a long time.

Tom: You will recall from previous posts that I’m a bit of a Pink fan.

Tim: I do.

Tom: I always try to put biases like that aside for new singles from artists I like – but I think this might be the best track she’s put out in a long time.

Tim: Hmm…possibly, though if you’re saying it with that much certainty I suggest you go back and listen to Perfect one last time in case you’ve forgotten it.

Tom: Or, at least, the best track that doesn’t fall into the “reducing teenage girls to tears” category.

Tim: Okay, yes.

Tom: No goddamn silly “improvised” talking parts like in So What or Raise Your Glass. It’s a proper fists-in-the-air anthem. Listen to that goddamn chorus.

Tim: Oh, please – yes, it’s a good chorus, but So What is totally a fists-in-the-air anthem, although it’s also angry enough to be a fists-in-the-face anthem.

Tom: Not entirely sure the swearing in the second part of the chorus works – good luck censoring that, radio – and it’s not got as much of the singalong quality that So What had, but to hell with it. She’s back on form, and if this is any bellwether, then the new album’s going to be brilliant.

Tim: Agree with your views on the song alone; less so in comparison to the rest of her output. It is properly good.

Pet Shop Boys – Winner

Tim: You may have heard that Muse are doing the official Olympic song. If you have, and you’ve heard it, you will have come to the conclusion that it’s a total bloody racket.

Tom: See, I thought that the first time I heard it, but then on further listens it’s got a lot better. I mean, it’s Muse: if they can get away with Knights of Cydonia they can get away with this. Admittedly Matt Bellamy does sound more like the guy from Electric Six at times, and the lyrics are trite, but still.

Tim: Still, it’s a total bloody racket. This, on the other hand, would have been a lovely Olympics song, and not just because it has a podium on the cover of it.

Tom: There’s something about the word “win” and “winner”: use them in a song and it just seems patronising and a little awkward, like giving a “you tried” medal to every kid on school sports day.

Tim: Sometimes, perhaps, but here I just can’t agree with you. This is the first song in almost a year where I’ve bought a song and then listened to it over and over and over again on repeat, because it’s brilliant.

Tom: It keeps reminding me of Take That’s “Shine”, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. They’re just similar, happy songs, I guess.

Tim: Partly it’s the understatedness of it all – at the end of the song (with that delightful key change) it cranks it up a lot, but until then it could, technically, be described as a bit plodding, but here that is in no way a criticism, because what it does is focus the listener’s attention on the lyrics. It’s the same with the video – you don’t get dazzled by the bright colours or pretty fonts they’re using, because it’s just the words, and those words are wonderful.

Anyone who doesn’t get goosebumps from that chorus is clearly an emotional void.

Tom: Hello.

Tim: Yep, figures. But in fact anyone who doesn’t find this song at least very good is just plain wrong.

Tom: Yes, but that’s only due to that middle eight and last chorus. Those are so good that they raise the whole song’s average.

Tim: And push it from cloud-high levels to outer-atmosphere levels of excellency.

The Offspring – Cruising California (Bumpin’ In My Trunk)

“shit 90s dancepop gone rocky”

Tom: Our regular Radio Insider sends us this, with the phrase “shit 90s dancepop gone rocky”. Needless to say, I played it immediately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAlZyajmcIM

Tom: Now, I like the Offspring; “Ixnay on the Hombre” was one of my favourite albums when I was younger, and it still has a place in my heart now. And this is… well, this is different, to say the least.

Tim: Is it?

Tom: Well, yes. It’s like Katy Perry suddenly discovered punk. While I hate to credit YouTube comments with anything, I have to admit that “stewartmc7” makes a valid point: “they make joke songs on almost all of their albums. But those joke songs are so catchy that some of them actually become famous and popular.” He uses Pretty Fly for a White Guy as an example. And he’s right: this isn’t some new, poppy, reinvented Busted-like Offspring: it’s them having fun and producing something poppy that’ll entice people to buy the album.

Tim: True. I’ve never really given them much attention (although I do find Why Don’t You Get A Job very good for walking quickly to) so I don’t really know, but fans aside, won’t people just think of them as a band that produces music like this and Pretty Fly For A White Guy? Basically, a slightly quirky rock band?

Tom: That’s an interesting perspective. The Offspring have always been mostly towards the “punk” end of pop-punk in my head, whereas this doesn’t even count as vaguely punk. It’s a strange one indeed. I think the irritating novelty parts are more annoying than the catchy melody is listenable, but your view may differ.

Tim: My view is that it’s standard Offspring material, and I think most others will have the same.

Tom: That sound you hear? It’s the “true” Offspring fanboys screaming.

Simple Plan feat. Sean Paul – Summer Paradise

Everything about this is a Standard Summer Song

Tim: A bit Frencher than yesterday, in that they’re a French Canadian band, and they’ve done two versions – a French and an English one. The English one has the video, and the French one may cause occasional linguistic confusion.

Tom: I automatically started singing Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” along with the verse of this. The timing, instrumentation and chords are similar enough that it works startlingly well.

Tim: Ooh, you’re right, it does and all. The idea behind the translation seems to have been “translate as much as possible, unless it doesn’t scan and/or rhyme, in which case let’s not bother.” People who take things too seriously, or school French teachers, may take issue with this, but I couldn’t care less because either way it’s a fantastic summer tune.

Tom: Yep. Everything about this is a Standard Summer Song, and I mean that in a good way.

Tim: Sean Paul’s a bit of a pain, especially once you know that he wasn’t on the album cut but was added to the single release due to being significantly better known outside Canada than K’naan (Coca-Cola songs aside), but it seems that if you want a good summer beach track, you need a rapper with an annoying voice who shouts his name at the start of the song.

Tom: I’m standing by my mantra here: “it could have been worse; it could have been Pitbull”.

Tim: Him aside, there’s not much I don’t like. The ending’s not hugely exciting (though again, the album version improves it; no idea why they changed it for this), but it’s brilliantly cheerful, the French bits give it a summer holiday vibe, and anyone who doesn’t like it can go and hide until October.

Little Mix – Wings

“SUPER.”

Tom: Well, it’s about time. Seven months after their Christmas Number 1, they’ve finally announced their single. And it’s…

Tim: SUPER. (And about two months earlier than a normal X Factor single, actually.)

Tim: SUPER.

Tom: …hmm. Well, I’m not sure what it is. I’m sure it’ll get into my head over a few listens – and I suspect I’ll get to hear it every time I turn on the radio – but in the meantime I can’t quite wrap my head around it. It’s not bad, that’s for sure.

Tim: ‘Not’ being something of an understatement.

Tom: While I like this trend for lyric videos – Cee-Lo really got them going a couple of years ago – there is an art to them. Most of the time for popular artists, the designers know what they’re doing; but there are some sentences that shouldn’t appear one word at a time. “SPREAD YOUR” and “MY LITTLE BUTT” beg for a completely different conclusion, and that’s just in the first verse.

Tim: The colours are pretty here, though.

Tom: Wait, hang on. That’s not the first verse. That’s the first chorus. “Don’t bore us, get to the chorus” is a good pop catchphrase, but that’s taking it to ridiculous levels.

Tim: Oh come on – it’s hardly unheard of for songs to open with the chorus. Unusual, maybe, but it does get right to the heart of the song and let everybody know what it’s about straight away.

Tom: In summary: they’ve made a decent track.

Tim: Woah, woah, woah, you’re leaving it there? Without mentioning the great up-tempo pre-chorus? Or, more importantly, the glorious second half of the chorus?

Tom: I don’t know: maybe it’s just Not For Me; I can’t seem to get my brain enthused about it. (That may be the vaguest piece of music reviewing I’ve ever written.)

Tim: Or the fact that technically, wings are made to help other things fly?

Tom: Ooh. That’s some top-class pedantry there.

Tim: You’re very kind.

Jason Derulo – Undefeated

Amazingly, he doesn’t sing his own name in this.

Tim: JASON, DERUU–

Tom: Amazingly, he doesn’t sing his own name in this.

Tim: Oh.

Tom: But don’t worry, he’s still up to his own tricks: there’s a metric arseload of autotune.

Tim: “O-oh oh o-oh”

Tom: I don’t know what’s more worrying: the fact that there’s an “official Coca-Cola song”, or that you remember it.

Tim: Are you kidding me? How do you not remember it? Aside from being a great track (which peaked in the UK at number 2, with two months in the top 20), it was pretty much everywhere during the World Cup – almost literally, making the top 10 in fifteen countries and charting in many many more. You really don’t remember it?

Tom: Yep. Missed it entirely. That might have been an accident – I’m not exactly the world’s biggest football fan – or it might have been me instinctively staying away from anything corporate-sponsored.

Anyway, back to Derulo: the phrase “poor man’s Usher” popped into my head while listening to this. Is that too harsh?

Tim: Erm, yes, actually – there’s more actual singing than Usher tends to provide, I think, so on that particular criticism I would have to disagree with you.

Tom: There’s nothing really wrong with the song, but equally there’s nothing particularly right either. It sounds like the generic bit of music that a low-budget TV producer would pull out of a stock music library, so they don’t have to pay royalties for whatever’s in the background during the scene set in a club. Okay, perhaps that is too harsh.

Tim: Yes, I think so. Although some library music’s alright, so it’s not necessarily a horrific insult, but it does come across that way.

Tom: I’m always a bit bothered when I’m being that harsh about some music, because Derulo can still sing better than I ever could, and his songwriter can still put together a better track than I ever could.

Tim: Ah, but that’s the joy of being a reviewer – you don’t have to have skill, you just have to recognise it in others. Or the lack of it, apparently.

Tom: It’s just… well, I listened to the whole thing and I can’t remember any of it.

Tim: I can remember that this official, professional video decided to stretch rather than crop a series of photos, making it look stupid. And I can remember that I’m thirsty, and I’d quite like a particular fizzy drink.

Flo Rida – Whistle

“That is the worst introduction you’ve ever written. Well done.”

Tom: Wait, this is a few weeks old now. Why this track?

Tim: Well, on Friday, we had a song no-one would ever have thought I liked. On Saturday, we had a song about fellatio. Now, let’s COMBINE THE TWO!

Tom: That is the worst introduction you’ve ever written. Well done.

Tim: Yes, I quite liked it too.

Tim: First, I want to make one thing clear: I hate that I like this song. Tune. Whatever. I still have no time for Flo Rida as a musician. His way of jumping into other people’s songs and ruining them is abhorrent, and the pleasure he takes in yelling out his name I find ridiculous. This, though, finds both those things pleasingly absent, and it replaces them with a cracking tune.

Tom: You know, there’s an art in making whistling sound good on a record – because it’s a sound with very few harmonics, it tends to sound incredibly rough and ear-grating. They haven’t quite managed it here, but they’ve come close – and yes, I’ve got to admit it’s a decent tune.

Tim: Unfortunately, the rapping bits are as disappointing as ever. BUT: they’re less than thirty seconds each, which is manageable, and they have a nice guitar/drum bit underneath them rather than some D&B/dubstep/other awful thing, and there are only two of them, or three if you include the middle eight. The rest of it I like. His singing (such as it is) is listenable enough, and the tune’s light-hearted and catchy.

Tom: Catchy to the extent that I was sure that I’d heard it before on the first listen. I can’t find anyone mentioning him sampling a track, so I think it’s just a very generic “upbeat/happy” tune that sounds like many others. Not bad for a summer hit.

Tim: The final positive thing of note, of course, is that when you strip everything away and get down to the meaning: it’s four minutes of an overweight guy asking for a blowjob. And that’s got to give it some points, surely?

Dot Rotten feat. TMS – Overload

Just play the original Robert Miles version. You can’t beat it. You just can’t.

Tom: Wait, Dot Rotten? That’s not your usual style of music, Tim. What’s going on?

Tim: Well, I woke up to the beginning of this a few days ago.

Tom: Ah, that explains it. God damn it, people. Just play the original Robert Miles version. You can’t beat it. You just can’t.

Tim: My semi-conscious thought process was roughly as follows:

Ooh, lovely tune to wake up to.
Huh, guy singing. Interesting.
Oh, ‘overload’, yes I see, that’s appropriate.
Oh God, rapping, really?
Ah, it’s gone, it’s nice again.
Oh no, here we go agaiOKAY I’M AWAKE LEAVE ME ALONE.

But overall? I actually don’t think it’s all that bad.

Tom: It’s not, but that’s because it’s based on Robert Miles’s Children.

Tim: Exactly. He’s got some decent source material and, in the words of many a TV talent show judge/coach, really made it his own. If it wasn’t for Children in the background I wouldn’t get past thirty seconds of it, mostly because he’s just spouting pointless bollocks about The Man (or the Illuminati, if you believe YouTube commenters) and how life’s meaningless.

Tom: Not exactly a ringing endorsement.

Tim: Well, no, and there’s also the fact that he’s adapted his name from a fictional female septuagenarian. As it is, though, I can focus on the music, and not pay any attention to what the words mean.

Tom: If you want that, just listen to the original! I know I’m repeating myself, but… gah! There’s a reason so many people have tried to rip it off over the years – and none of them have succeeded. You wouldn’t get through more than thirty seconds because there’s nothing else there.

Tim: I should rephrase – I wouldn’t get to thirty seconds in, and I certainly wouldn’t get to sixty seconds in. But at that point, I love it. The stuff he’s added on top? Brilliant. His voice? Works great (again, without listening to the words). You may call it sacrilege, but I think that chorus is absolutely fantastic.

Sam Sparro – I Wish I Never Met You

A contender for Worst Lyric of 2012.

Tom: Last seen in most of the public’s mind performing “Black and Gold” several years ago. This is off the second album. And it’s already a contender for Worst Lyric of 2012.

Tom: “You had me fiending like a crackhead / I’ll squeeze you out just like a blackhead.” Now there’s a lyric which takes you out of a song if ever there was one.

Tim: That is pretty awful. Also, they spelt “carefree” as two words, which is wrong. WRONG. And “been tryin’a wipe” is an interesting use of an apostrophe/contraction. But you’re right,. the whole blackhead thing steals it.

Tom: It seems mostly by-the-numbers, but here’s an odd statement to make: that’s not the percussion I was expecting. Everything else about it seems to be mostly by-the-numbers, but it’s not the four-on-the-floor I saw coming.

Tim: Perhaps not, but I think it works well enough. All seems to fit with the mood they’ve got going on in that video, really.

Tom: Other than that: well, it’s listenable enough, I suppose?

Tim: More so than Black and Gold was, certainly.