Mainstream – Page 77

Westlife – Lighthouse

Ah, that’s right nice, that is.

Tom: This is it, then, the first single from Westlife’s final album. Before the inevitable reunion, Greatest Hits, and new album in five years’ time. And it’s part-written by Gary Barlow, so I’m expecting great things – although after The Collective, who knows?

Tim: Ah, that’s right nice, that is.

Tom: Piano melodies that sound like Elton John. Westlife-classic harmonies. Uplifting chorus leading into a soul-stirring chord progression. Video with lots of depth of field and beautiful scenery. Middle eight to break it up. No spectacular key change here, but that’s not too much of a shame.

Tim: Not much left for me to add there, but it’s got the sort of drums in the chorus that make you what to air-drum along to them. That’s a Good Thing. And that piano really does sound like Elton John, doesn’t it? Huh.

Tom: I mean, what more do you want? This is a textbook Westlife song, and I mean that as a sincere compliment: it’s not going to be the closing number for their farewell tour, but I can see it closing the first half.

The Collective – Teardrop

Utter crap, and its being for charity does not excuse it.

Tom: It’s the Children in Need single, and it’s…

Tim: …an absolute fucking disgrace? I know that’s a rude word, and sorry, but Jesus Christ, what the shit is bloody well going on, and why did…well, just why?

Tom: Well, it’s no McFly, is it?

Tim: Understatement of the decade, right there.

Tom: I know there’s been a share of downbeat Children in Need singles over the years – the glorious version of Lou Reed’s ‘Perfect Day’ being the standout one. But surely none of them have been quite as … meh as this one.

Tim: This is, oh, God it’s awful. My feeling right now, is just total incomprehension. How did this happen? What was Gary Barlow thinking when he put this together?

Tom: It’s a fairly well known track, I suppose, and I feel like I should give it the benefit of the doubt as it’s for charity and all that.

Tim: No. No, no, no. Charity: good. This: utter crap, and its being for charity does not excuse it. Okay, sensible critique: first off, no one there seems to care. There’s no emotion, no feeling, just a group of music performers reading a few words out. And speaking of the words: they’re weird. Apparently a poem written by a teenager*, towards the end there’s the ‘be anything you want to be’ idea which is nice, but thrown in randomly is something about a wise man telling the time on a cheap watch, and at the start we’ve got Ms Dynamite giving us a grammar lesson. Seriously? I mean, W T ACTUAL F is going on?

* I can hear the planning meeting now: “OMG, I love that idea, it’s so amazing, think of all the emotional depth there’ll be, it’ll totally appeal to all the poor kids out there.”

Tom: That final chorus does have quite a triumphant edge to it, but it took a long, long time to get there.

Tim: Yeah, and it’s all very well putting the upbeat music and lyrics at the end, but if everyone’s feeling suicidal by then all you’re really doing is damage control.

Tom: So here’s my thought: yes, give to Children in Need. But do it by grabbing the old McFly track instead. It’s a lot more fun.

Tim: Hell yeah it is. In fact, let’s watch it now.

Tim: Okay, I’m happy again.

Tom: As am I.

Saturday Flashback: Charlotte Church – Back To Scratch

Rather lovely.

Tom: I missed this when it came out, which isn’t surprising since it didn’t make much of an impact on the world. But this song is rather lovely.

Tim: Ooh, it does start out nice and tinkly, doesn’t it?

Tom: In particular, it’s one bit of the chorus – that first line, with the unexpected melody line that reminds me of something but I can’t think what.

Tim: IS IT: Then I saw her face! Because the first time kind of reminds me of that.

Tom: No. Anyway – the rest of the song is pleasant too, but it’s that chorus part that made this song stand out to me in the background music of a pub the other day. And that video takes a brilliant concept and plays with it well enough to be interesting.

Tim: How they did that is fantastic. I love it.

Tom: I wonder if that studio tech’s been used for porn yet?

Tim: Eight Welsh folk, eight sheep – yeah, I can see that working.

Tom: Ah, going for the “acceptable targets” comedy there. Classic.

The Ting Tings – Hang It Up

It’s Difficult Second Album time for the Ting Tings.

Tom: They’re a bit annoying, mostly shout rather than sing, and like banging a drum a lot. Nope, it’s not the Orange Order, it’s the Ting Tings. (That joke, incidentally, from the Never Mind The Buzzcocks reject pile.)

Also, I defy you not to think of Smells Like Teen Spirit for the first three notes of this.

Tom: It’s Difficult Second Album time for the Ting Tings, and given most people knows two songs at most off their first one – three if you count hearing ‘Great DJ’ in a dozen trailers and adverts – it’s going to be a tough sell.

Tim: Yeah… and for me, this song isn’t quite the expert salesman it may need for your average pop fan.

Tom: There’s not been much of an evolution from the first album; that’ll almost certainly be enough for their fans, but you can probably tell from the way I’m writing this that I’m not among them. Decent guitar riff, I suppose, and loud and enthusiastic enough to pass, but if I didn’t like ‘Shut Up And Let Me Go’ – and I didn’t – then this ain’t going to be for me.

Tim: Pretty much what I’d go with. Though to be honest, if their fans went out and bought their first album from their first single or two, based on this they’ll probably buy the second.

Rebecca Ferguson – Nothing’s Real But Love

A decent Radio 2 middle-of-the-road track.

Tim: Ready for this? X Factor 2010 graduate number 4, she is, and although she finished second, to be honest I’d pretty much forgotten about her.

Tom: Bit of a strange time to release a single, given that the new series is on. But let’s see what she’s got…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LysJJVWX5j8

Tom: That’s a decent Radio 2 middle-of-the-road track, is that. Can’t see it lighting up the world in a year or so’s time, but it might just get playlisted.

Tim: Now, this annoys me. Because, man, as a contestant she was dull. I mean, bor-ing, and one I really didn’t didn’t like all that much because of it. Sure, she kept getting through, because she was a good singer – bloody brilliant singer, actually – but she was a Mariah Carey stand-there-and-look-soulful type singer, which was great for a ‘hey Grandma, I bought you a CD’, but not much for a Saturday night entertainment.

Tom: It’s not a singing contest, though; it’s a popularity contest, and stage presence counts for a lot of that.

Tim: BUT THEN, ten months passes, and now she does this, which, let’s be honest, is great. Isn’t it? And I hate that.

Tom: Calm down, Tim.

Tim: Hate it.

Manic Street Preachers – This Is The Day

Big music, nice tune, emotive lyrics.

Tom: I have no idea why I love this, but oh my word do I love it.

Tim: Um, try big music, nice tune, emotive lyrics – any of that sound about right?

Tom: It’s a cover version of a 1984 track by The The, which a lot of folks hearing it on the radio – including me – won’t know. The original, while nice and almost a bit folky, is a bit too nice and folky for me. Accordions are an instrument that I really don’t want to make a comeback in pop. (That is an excellent early-chromakey video, though.)

Tim: Yeah – part of what I like about this is the rock-ness of it with the big guitars and drums and everything that are entirely absent from that original.

Tom: The Manics have taken the lovely melody, lyrics and sentiment and kicked it up so many notches that it’s barely even the same song any more. It’ll do me very nicely.

Lucenzo & Qwote feat. Pitbull – Danza Kuduro (Throw Your Hands Up)

Mid-90s, I reckon.

Tom: Well now, this would fit very nicely into the mid-90s, I reckon.

Tim: Hmm.

Tom: How does Pitbull do it? He seems to be a slightly creepy middle-aged man in a suit at first glance, and yet somehow he’s powered through that and become “Mister International Himself”. I suspect it’s because he’s very, very good at what he does.

As for this track, though; I can see this being a lost Peter Andre track. That’s not a bad thing – he did ‘Mysterious Girl’ after all – and while the slightly-dated sound might sound better a few years ago, as a winter club hit I can still see this working.

That said, it’s not going on my playlist – but I can see it going on plenty of other people’s.

Tim: ALL CORRECT.

Saturday Flashback: Westlife – My Love

For some reason I’m holding a lighter in the air.

Tim: Last week, sad news hit much of the music world: after twelve years of making music, Westlife are to disband. If we wanted to (and I won’t deny there’s a teeny tiny part of me that wouldn’t mind) we could probably do a fortnight-long retrospective of their work; for everybody’s sanity, though, it’s probably best just to keep it to one track, and we’ll go with this one, which starts with them making a somewhat curious travel decision.

Tim: Quite why they’d bother walking (or even flying) when then can just magically change their surroundings at will is beyond me, but anyway.

Tom: It’s such a bizarre line – for a brief moment, my brain accepted it as a perfectly reasonable option. Of course you’d walk.

Tim: This was their six release and sixth UK number one, and their first (and only) Swedish number one, and it’s my personal favourite of theirs. Why?

Tom: I don’t know, but for some reason I’m holding a lighter in the air. I don’t even own a lighter.

Tim: Because it’s by the book, brilliantly done, boyband stuff. There’s the slow and understated first verse. Then comes the emotional chorus, leading in to a more substantial second verse with a beat behind it. The chorus comes back again, perhaps seeming a little bigger this time from the context. The middle eight, split in two with the calm bit at the end leading into the soaring vocals of the stunning final section. We get fanfares (actual fanfares!) in the background just to signify what a brilliant song this is.

And there’s the video as well. There’s the inevitable hammy acting, which can sensibly be ignored.

Tom: A couple of them do the same thing I do – they forget how to walk properly when there’s a camera pointed at them.

Tim: Then at the end it too tries to get the message across, with the flying cameras and impressive peninsula, that this is a Song That Will Be Appreciated. And personally, I can’t help but appreciate it.

Toploader – She Said

‘Well, it’s no Dancing in the Moonlight.’

Tim: Yep, they’re still going, and yes, they’ve done more than ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’.

Tom: And yes, he does look a bit like Carrot Top and Mick Hucknall combined.

I think most people will sum this up as ‘well, it’s no Dancing in the Moonlight’.

Tim: True. BECAUSE – Dancing in the Moonlight was unusual, it didn’t sound like any other band, the glockenspiely stuff gave it a very ‘I’m Toploader, and this is how you recognise me’ feel. This doesn’t have anything like that. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I reckon it’ll leave people disappointed.

Tom: It’s not bad, of course, and there are some really very striking parts in the verses and chorus – I think it’s really very listenable indeed. By the third time through the chorus, I felt I was actually getting a bit of an emotional lift from it. A proper unexpected middle eight too, but it’s no Dancing in the Moonlight.

Tim: You see? It’s good, but you’re disappointed.

Bruno Mars – It Will Rain

Bruno Mars can just make a song like this soar.

Tom: “From the Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn Part 1”. Oh dear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwr1hm_oBxE

Tom: Now, you’ll remember that I like My Chemical Romance.

Tim: A bit.

Tom: The last track on their Danger Days album is a Ballroom Blitz-y number called ‘Vampire Money‘ – and it’s inspired by them turning down the offer to do a song for the Twilight soundtrack. I liked that decision at the time – and I like it even more now, because even though I’m instinctively tuned to hate everything to do with Twilight, Bruno Mars’ effort is actually a rather good song.

Tim: I’ll agree, it’s alright. Not exactly lighters in the air stuff, but it’ll get the job done. Also, chorus is a bit like Chasing Pavements, though I don’t quite know if I have a point there.

Tom: “There’ll be no sunlight / if I lose you baby”. Generic vampire-type reference, generic chord progressions… I shouldn’t like this, but somehow Bruno Mars can just make a song like this soar.

Tim: It’s the chord progressions – get them right, and the listener’s your prisoner. We discovered something similar at the end of last year, if you’ll recall – two very different songs, but the identical chorus lines in There’s A Place For Us and Call Your Girlfriend made them both enjoyable.

Tom: Take the vampire money, Bruno. It’s worth it.