Mainstream – Page 79

LMFAO – Sexy And I Know It

“Oh God, that’s awful.”

Tom: Despite my best efforts, ‘Party Rock Anthem’ got stuck in my head earlier this year. Here’s the new single: is it anywhere near as catchy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N30dQ-MU0Y

Tom: No it’s not.

Tim: Oh God, that’s awful. Just, blurgh.

Tom: Which is a pity, because that build really promises great things that the rest of the track doesn’t deliver. The question that remains: will the British public take to this far-too-late summer track, or will they only manage to be one-hit wonders?

Tim: One hit wonders. Plese, let it be one hit wonders.

Tom: And just to be clear: ‘wiggle wiggle’ wasn’t all that good even when the Outhere Brothers did it.

Dappy – No Regrets

Amazing track. Terrible lyrics.

Tom: Hang on. Is he actually singing on this? There’s no “featuring” on those opening ‘woah’s.

Tim: I’m a bit disappointed he’s dropped his trademark ‘na-na-nai’. Not because it was good or anything – it was awful – but it did serve to warn you what you were getting into.

Tom: Amazing track. Terrible lyrics. You’re not Kurt Cobain, Dappy. And did you just sympathise with Chris Brown? And name-drop Marty McFly? And quote “if I die before I wake”? And claim to be Richard Branson? And quote the Italian Job? And Oasis?

Tim: Two things: firstly, the line is “Call me Gallagher, ’cause I’m so shameless”, so I don’t think he’s referencing Oasis.

Tom: Oh, he is, because there’s a snip of an Oasis track being sampled just before it. That’s… that’s actually clever. Okay, I’ll let that one slip.

Tim: And secondly, if just those got you worked up, it’s probably a good thing you seem not to have noticed the remarkably dodgy Prince William line: “I’m a prince, yes I will get the crown/Kate stays in my dungeon when her sister’s round.”

Tom: Simply put: I want an instrumental of this, because his entirely unjustified references are really, really angering me. Which is a pity – because I like the music.

Tim: Well, that’s not stopped you liking a track before. And also, I was going to defend this by saying it fit with the idea of song and what it was all about, just because seeing you worked up like this is quite fun, but I’ve looked at the lyrics and I have no idea what he’s really on about.

Tom: That piano middle eight is lovely, the choruses are brilliant – particularly that final one with the unexpected key change! Dappy, on the other hand… well, what a shame.

Tim: That key change, combined with that Prince William line, leaves me with one final thought: I LOVE THIS TRACK.

Tom: Really?

Tim: No.

Tom: Thought so.

Lady Gaga – Yoü And I

Old school rock and roll? Country? I’m not sure, but it’s brilliant.

Tom: Brace yourself, Tim; she’s back to a typical Gaga video. It’s 47 seconds before the music starts. Although she does appear to be appearing almost as herself, with barely a ridiculous costume – well, barely anything – at least once in here.

Tim: Is there a point to Lady Gaga’s videos other than to get people to say, “What the hell was that all about?” Because I don’t have a clue.

Tom: But what a wonderful bit of music. It’s… well, what genre is it? Old school rock and roll? Country? I’m not sure, but it’s brilliant.

Tim: It is. Not quite Alejandro or Bad Romance brilliant, mind, and certainly not Edge of Glory, but on a par with Born This Way and Judas. Good work.

Tom: It’s not going to be lighting up the clubs without a remix, but can you imagine how good this will sound live? The woman can sing, Tim, she really can.

Tim: I think that right now you’d have to go a long way to find someone who’d disagree with you there.

Matt Cardle – Run For Your Life

He’s trying to be Snow Patrol.

Tim: Well, it had to happen sooner or later, I suppose. But first tell me: if you were an X Factor winner, and the nation had already pretty much decided you were fairly damp and boring, would your first proper single be a message of ‘go on and forget about me’?

Tom: I’m both simultaneously disappointed and relieved that this wasn’t a Beatles cover – because, while that would be a fantastic song for him to cover, there’s no way it could be better than the original. So what’s he actually singing?

Tom: Right, he’s trying to be Snow Patrol.

Tim: It’s…well, it’s not terrible, I suppose.It’s certainly no threat to One Direction at the top my my iTunes play count chart, but it’s listenable. It has a James Blunt v2 air about it, really – mostly dull, yes, but a chorus that’s at least 78% more energetic than I imagined it would be, and a closing part that’s almost overflowing with existence.

Tom: Talk about damning with faint praise. But you’re right; the chorus almost justifies the slow-motion verses. Almost. But not quite.

Tim: It’ll probably get at least top 10, but I can’t help thinking we’ve another Joe McElderry or Leon Jackson.

Tom: Who?

Tim: You know, Leon Jackson. Won X Factor, had a song ‘When You’ — actually, you know what? It really doesn’t matter.

The Saturdays – All Fired Up

Less ridiculous autotune.

Tom: You know, I’m a bit surprised the Saturdays are still going. When they first came out, I assumed they were going to be one-hit wonders.

Tim: Are you serious? Despite at least one of them having the musical pedigree of formerly being in S Club Juniors?

Tom: This track’s certainly better than their last one. A bit less ridiculous autotune on the vocals, backed by what I can only describe as a banging choon.

Tim: Less ridiculous autotune? Did you stop listening after 90 seconds? But yes, banging.

Tom: I think you’re forgetting just how much ridiculous autotune they’ve used in the past.

The middle-eight drops it down a bit too far for me, but all is made better by the slow-build ramp out of it. What’s with the dodgy fade-out at the end, though? Those seem to be making a comeback lately, and I’m not sure I like it.

Tim: Yeah, me neither – it sort of implies a lack of effort on everybody’s part.

Tom: One minor point of order though: it’s pronounced “ray-dar”, not “raider”. Just sayin’.

Tim: Erm, that should be “saying”, not “sayin'”. Just saying.

Tom: Git.

James Blunt – Dangerous

Interesting for all the wrong reasons.

Tom: I wouldn’t normally even mention James Blunt’s music – no matter how much you may like the man himself, I think we can agree that his music tends to be a bit on the insipid side.

This one, though, is interesting for all the wrong reasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgJVMa2g9Fg

Tim: Is it?

Tom: If Chesney Hawkes’ songwriter isn’t getting royalties for “The One and Only” off this, then he’s probably thinking about legal action. And as for the composers of Flashdance’s soundtrack…

Tim: It had been a while since I heard The One and Only, so I didn’t think anything of it at the start. Then I went and listened to it, and then relistened to James Blunt, and my word yes. I’d not heard Flashdance at all, but yes, there as well. Although in that case: let’s be honest, its a very basic drum pattern, and there are only so many of them to go round – I’m sure there are other songs I’ve heard it on as well.

Tom: It’s more than a drum pattern! It’s the entire melody line. Tell me I’m not the only one hearing that – it’s almost the same song.

What gets me is that apparently, no-one muttered “you know, this really sounds like those other songs” loud enough during the production process. Because surely everyone’s going to notice this, right?

Tim: Well, maybe, but there are two things to consider: firstly, you can’t copyright a drum beat, and secondly, does anybody actually care?

Cee Lo Green – Cry Baby

Cee Lo’s such a big name now he doesn’t even have to appear in his own music videos.

Tom: Cee Lo’s such a big name now he doesn’t even have to appear in his own music videos.

Tom: And what a music video. Studio backlot street, old-school singing and dancing, and a joyous disregard for continuity.

Tim: Video’s alright, but the song’s a bit dull – there’s no decent hook to get into, and his voice really doesn’t seem to be, well, used that much. This could kind of be anyone singing.

Tom: I do really like all the neo-Motown tracks that have come out this year: and Cee Lo does seem to be king of them all. This is the fifth single off the latest album, which is pushing it by any standards – but I can still see it being successful.

Tim: Perhaps, but if it is it’ll more likely be because it’s the new Cee Lo Green track, rather than just being a great track.

St. Lucia – All Eyes On You

A big dance tune, with some proper instruments over the top.

Tim: From New York, this song was on Radio 1 when my alarm woke me up at an antisocial hour on Saturday morning. And my, word, did it get me out of bed in a good way.

Tom: I’ll try and leave innuendo aside, shall I?

Tim: You could do, but you never have done before.

Tom: It starts a bit slowly, doesn’t it?

Tim: Well, yes, it does take a minute or two to get going properly, but when it does it’s absolutely brilliant.

Tom: I found myself quietly nodding my head along to it after that first minute, and when it finally kicked in – well, yes. I wasn’t expecting that.

Tim: A big dance tune, with some proper instruments over the top, and all sorts of strange somewhat blurry vocals. At forty seconds, the middle saxophony bit could be said to be a bit long, and it could probably be chopped in half and no-one would mind, but when my only complaint is that part of it is a bit too long, I think we can safely say this is a good tune.

Tom: Saxophone solos! They’re coming back, Tim, mark my words. And I don’t think it’s too long at all – the piano-chord build justifies it.

Tim: There is that, but I just think it could all be sped up a little. Anyway, you were saying?

Tom: I wouldn’t say it’s entirely a dance tune, though; it’s not got enough of a beat for that. It’s designed for listening, rather than dancing, I reckon.

Tim: There’s an element in the chorus – especially when it comes back for the big climax – of Take That’s The Flood, which is a bit strange, but it’s certainly not a problem. Mash-up, anyone?

(Oh, and the weird face thing in that video does have a reason for being there – it’s the single artwork. Just so you know.)

Saturday Flashback: Example – Watch The Sun Come Up

Adds up to a good track.

Tim: His released-tomorrow Stay Awake is sort of alright and earlier-this-year’s Changed The Way You Kissed Me was pretty good, but as far as I’m concerned nothing of his beats this, from 2009.

Tim: The rolling piano, the rapping that’s more like speaking and more than bearable, the singing in the chorus, nice bit of fun with all the unexplained drawing in the video – all adds up to a good track.

Tom: I’m going to assume it’s in the same universe as A-Ha’s Take On Me.

Tim: Don’t really like the message of the song, though. It’s all ‘I wish I could have stayed with you, and I wish this wasn’t a one night stand’, but he never really gives a reason for his leaving aside from a flight, which he says he wanted to miss anyway, so we’re sort of left ‘Actually, I only ever do one night stands, and even though I don’t want to now it’s just who I am so tough.’

The length it took me to explain that means that in terms of word count this is an overwhelmingly negative review. It really shouldn’t be, because the song’s great.

Hot Chelle Rae – Tonight Tonight

It’s a joyful party song. And I like it.

Tom: Not troubling the UK charts yet, but it’s on the Radio 1 playlist so it probably won’t be long until it is.

Tom: Tim, this song makes me very happy. It’s very simple. It’s a joyful party song. And I like it.

Tim: That is a bit good, innit? Chirpy and all that.

Tom: I defy you not to have those ohh-ohh-ohh choruses in your head after a couple of listens. They might not stay in there tomorrow, or next week, and I suspect it’ll be forgotten next year – but I reckon that this track, if it takes off, will be on the playlist of whatever replaces those ‘School Disco’ playlists in fifteen years.

Tim: Confession: I have never been to a party on a rooftop. And this song makes me want to go to one. Don’t suppose you know of any coming up, do you?

Tom: Alas, no. The last one I know about was on New Year’s Eve, and I missed it.

As for the song: admittedly, the first “la la la, whatever” does annoy me a bit. This track’s a bit like eating ice cream: it’s very nice, but have too much of it and it’ll stay on your metaphorical hips forever.