Saturday Flashback: The Ark – The Worrying Kind

“Reminds me of Austin Powers”

Tim: So, I had Zara Larsson’s Rooftop all lined up for today as it mentions today’s date in the lyrics, but it turns out we covered it back when it was new, so that’s off the table. Instead, let’s pick a track at random from the ever-reliable Best of Melodifestivalen 1958-2013 album (and that’s not even sarcasm, it’s great). The 2007 victor, which thus went on to represent Sweden at Eurovision, and I hope we’re all in the mood for some glam rock.

Tim: Setting the scene, recall that Finland had won the previous year with Lordi—

Adam: What happened to Lordi? I want them back in my life.

Tim: Oh, no, and anyway now we’re heading into Alice Deejay territory – brilliant, but possibly drifting too far from 2007. Novelty was high on the list: we had Scooch, Ukraine had Verka Seduchka, the winner was…unusual, to say the least.

Adam: Wow that is like the opposite of Lordi. Lordi, Lordi, Lordi. I just like saying Lordi.

Tim: And Sweden had this. What a track, and oh, what a performance – talk about “don’t bore us, get to the chorus”, this is ALL IN right from the start.

Adam: When it comes to 3 minute pop songs it’s best to just jump straight in.

Tim: Structurally it’s unusual – mini-chorus, verse, chorus, repeated verse, chorus – but for me at least that doesn’t harm it at all.

Adam: The rotating stage reminds me of Austin Powers. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Tim: Well, I can’t help feeling it might not have helped – it fit fine with the look they were going for, and yet on the night it disgracefully (and well against the bookies’ odds) only came 18th out of 24. DAMMIT Europe, what’s the matter with you?

Adam: Yeah screw you Europe! (Please take us back…)

Tim: This song is EXCELLENT, and really should have done so well. Bloody Serbia.

Bacall & Malo – Africa

“Everything Never Gonna Give You Up wanted to be, and everything that it wasn’t.”

Tim: Four weeks ago, I wrote, “I genuinely can’t imagine any situation where anybody would ever think ‘I want to listen to a tropical house version of Never Gonna Give You Up’.”

Adam: There’s a joke in there somewhere about giving up tropical house versions of Never Gonna Give You Up but I’m having a hard time piecing it together.

Tim: I’ve only come across the one, and to be frank that’s more than enough. The question on our lips today, though, is whether anybody would ever think ‘I want to listen to a tropical house version of Africa’.

Tim: And you know what? I really do think they would, and not least because that’s what I’m thinking right now and have done on many occasions since first hearing this. Unlike previously, this genuinely works. The song fits.

Adam: The original did have a tropical vibe to begin with, although maybe Never Gonna Give You Up does too.

Tim: Oh, the latter really doesn’t, which is one of the reasons I hated it – it sounded horribly shoehorned in, trying to mix internet memes and musical zeitgeists. Africa, on the other hand, is a great original track, it’s been reworked excellently, and I like that it gets stuck in my head.

Adam: That’s the thing: the original is so great. I reckon it’s the original that’s getting stuck in your head not anything about this cover. Covers can be great but I just don’t feel this is bringing anything new to the table.

Tim: You could be right about the stuck in my head bit; the main thing though is that this is, in short, everything Never Gonna Give You Up wanted to be, and everything that it wasn’t. And I’m very glad of that.

Adam: This tropical house cover is definitely better than the other tropical house cover but I would listen to the original every time. I think the question we should really be asking ourselves is ‘do we really need tropical house covers of already great songs’?

Tim: Depends – are there enough people willing to press the play button? And for this, I know I am.

Nea Nelson – Danger Love

“Just as weird as when Norway tried it.”

Tim: Remember four years ago when drum ‘n’ bass was everywhere, and then people moved on, and I didn’t need to wear my “wake me up when dubstep is over” t-shirt? Well, apparently not everybody got the memo, or at least if they did they’ve since forgotten. BRING ON THE TWO-STEP, sort of, it’s weird.

Tim: And oh, that time signature jump here is just as weird and disorientating as it was when Norway tried it at Eurovision.

Adam: Oh wow, that track by Agnete is interesting! It has quite a drastic tempo change going in to the chorus though whereas in this it’s just dropping to half time.

Tim: It’s so bizarre, because the verses and chorus are like two completely separate tracks, split up stylistically as well as mathematically.

Adam: Which can actually work out pretty well. Bohemian Rhapsody does it and is one of the greatest songs of all time.

Tim: Well, that’s a debate for another time, and in any case there everything’s up in the air. Here, it’s more organised, and possibly the worse for it. Her voice goes from melodic to shouty, the instrumental from light pop to heavy drum ‘n’ bass, and it just doesn’t make sense.

Adam: I guess I can see where you’re coming from. It does feel like she’s come up with two separate ideas that might be good and has tried to stick them together.

Tim: Maybe – maaaybe – going into the chorus isn’t too bad, because you at least get an instrumental cut off for a bar, but that moment coming direct from two-step chorus to your standard 4/4 second verse at 1:19 is just AAARGH.

Adam: If you’re having a hard time with the meter changes in this song you should stay away from Pyramid Song by Radiohead because it might melt your brain!

Tim: Annoyingly, both parts are quite listenable – I’d easily take a whole song of that chorus, and probably a song based around the verse, though the chorus’d need to be beefed up. But WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Adam: Woah buddy cool your jets. It’s just pop music!

Tim: ‘Just’ pop music? JUST??? Mate, we need to have words.

The Chainsmokers – Closer

“It’s the sort of thing that a ten year old would pull out for an English poetry homework.”

Tim: An anonymous reader suggested we cover this; there’s no Europe connection, but I figured we could feature it because (a) it’s perfectly serviceable pop and (b) it has some of the most ludicrous rhyming this side of Dr Seuss.

Adam: It’s all so uninspired. The chord sequence just repeats itself through the verses and choruses. The video is some aspirational nonsense. The lyrics are just the sickly icing on this overbaked cake. (Any Bake Off fans?)

Tim: Not me, but have some bonus points for topicality. And seriously, “baby pull me closer on the back seat of your Rover…your roommate back in Boulder, we ain’t ever getting older”, how forced can you get?

Adam: They name drop Blink-182 who, along with Taking Back Sunday, were apparently the inspiration behind this. I love both these bands to bits. Blink-182 never had the maturest lyrics but they’re Simon and Garfunkle compared to The Chainsmokers.

Tim: It’s the sort of thing that a ten year old would pull out for an English poetry homework. And sure, people may read this and think “well you couldn’t do any better” which is a valid reaction, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Adam: And the thing is I agree with you fully but there are many members of the music buying public who would seem to disagree. It’s sold incredibly well around the world.

Tim: And yet I’d take issue with your slight sense of superiority there, because the selling (or at least streaming) well leads on to the fact that there’s a reason I’m being particularly harsh on this. That is: despite not wanting to, I actually like this song a lot and can’t help that, and so I hate it for that.

Adam: Seriously, as much as I obviously dislike this it’s done it’s job and is now stuck in my head…

Tim: Yep – it’s basically a verbal ukulele. DAMMIT.

Maia – Tordenkys

“Prepare for emotions.”

Tim: Or, for those that don’t know their Danish, ‘Thunder Kiss’, so prepare for emotions.

Tim: Now, my Danish isn’t quite at the level that I can tell you what the words mean, and I can’t find the lyrics online, so I’m unable to help there–

Adam: Wow Tim, you really went above and beyond with your journalism to enrich our readers lives.

Tim: Bloody hell, only here a week and already passive aggressive criticism. What I do know is that with the title, the enthusiasm, the uplifting major key melody–

Adam: Major key equals happy, minor key equals sad. What more do you need to know about music?

Tim: –I think we can pretty much guess that she’s happy with her relationship, and isn’t that really what we all want? I’d like it, that’d be nice, but anyway I’m not here for counselling.

Adam: Oh I thought we could get back to my issues surrounding my relationship with my mother from yesterday’s review?

Tim: No, because we’re here to enjoy music, and today I do. HOORAY.

Adam: Imagine if the song was actually about kissing thunder. Perhaps Maia suffered some bizarre and horrific injury leaving her lyrics a jumble of nonsensical words that defy translation?

Tim: Yeah, it’s still a no on the psychotherapy.

Sara Sangfelt – Love Me

“The surf guitar in the verses is like Bond Theme 101 for building tension.”

Tim: A title that some might see as a tad needy; music to very much back that up.

Tim: So basically WOWZERS. Gets off to a nice gentle electro start (curiously but pleasingly reminiscent of one of the best soundtracks of recent times), tension generated from that as we wonder exactly what’s coming.

Adam: If we’re talking soundtracks, I’m definitely getting a James Bond vibe from this. The surf guitar in the verses is like Bond Theme 101 for building tension.

Tim: Before long we find out we’re waiting, and it’s worth it, or at least she really really wants us to think that it is because my word can that lady put the effort in. And unlike the woman I’ve just watched on The X Factor, she’s actually got some decent singing talent to go with it.

Adam: When I think about The X Factor the first thing that comes to my mind definitely isn’t decent singing talent.

Tim: Oh, you’re one of those. God knows the X Factor, and its brethren. aren’t without their flaws, but you don’t get far without at least some musical talent. Well, most of the time.

Adam: Trying too hard however…

Tim: Yes there is that – less good points include the aforementioned desperation, because blimey we are in no doubt of how much she WANTS IT.

Adam: Well she was a competitor on Swedish Idol so maybe that’s where she gets it from.

Tim: And also the discovery that she still relies on her mum for emotional support, but then completely ignores the advice she’s given, is also a tad jarring.

Adam: I never relied on my mum for emotional support. I turned out alright, right? Look at me writing reviews on pop stars and their music. And not an ounce of bitterness about me!

Tim: Hmm, well, let’s focus on the track shall we? Musically: for a LET’S GET SHOUTY track, I don’t think I can fault it.

Adam: Oh yeah, I love a good Bond Theme.

Saturday Flashback: Precious – Say It Again

“I’m down for getting a mob together”

Tim: Currently being fairly successfully on British radio is Frances’s song Say It Again; it’s by and large quite good, with one exception. Have a quick listen to that chorus line, 34 seconds in, and then play this, the mid-table British entry for Eurovision 1999.

Tim: And what a TOP pop song that is – verses don’t have much to them and are arguably a tad forgettable, but that key change is prime example of a feature/benefit mix.

Adam: Who doesn’t love a good key change? This song is so ridiculously nineties and I’m loving it. The horn stabs. The vinyl scratches. The insane use of wind machines in the music video.

Tim: Right? But on top of all that, though, is that chorus line, “Say it again, say yeeaahh”. It’s a true all time classic, and yet Frances has SHAMELESSLY STOLEN IT, and I think that’s just rude.

Adam: It doesn’t matter because Precious wins. Her song is much better in my opinion. I’m down for getting a mob together and starting a riot though – I keep my pitchfork sharpened for these kinds of situations.

Tim: Damn, if only you’d been around when we wrote about Calum Scott.

Lisa Ajax – Love Me Wicked

“I’m starting to regret suggesting that Fridays be Tropical Fridays”

Tim: Friday’s here, so grab yourself a pineapple for today’s TROPICAL TUNE.

Tim: Hmm. To be honest I’m starting to regret suggesting that Fridays be Tropical Fridays, because let’s face it there is basically nothing notable about this and there are better tracks we can feature. However, four weeks ago Tom said it’d only last a month and I am entirely determined to prove him wrong, so let’s do our best with what we’ve got. And it’s, okay, I guess?

Adam: I’d say you’ve timed it perfectly because the weather’s been pretty tropical lately.

Tim: Oh that’s certainly true – it’s just the one a week thing might have been pushing it, as there’s really not a lot to say here. The melody’s decent enough, the tropicalness is all there as it should be, and she’s got a decent singing voice.

Adam: Another jittery chorus here to haunt you Tim! I’m not a big fan of it this time round. I think the fade effect on Lisa’s vocal does a bit of a disservice to her voice. The beat has enough of a bounce without artificially introducing more. One time is fine but it’s a bit overkill to do it over and over again.

Tim: I suppose it’ll fit fine on a “flight to Hawaii” playlist, but in future can we have less of a “this’ll do” attitude please.

Adam: It does a good job of transporting me to another place. That place is a dark club with sticky floors, sweaty dancers, and Malibu & pineapple juice/Sambuca shots.

Tim: Eurgh. Given they were probably going for summery beach resort, that’s probably not a compliment.

Adam: I guess it could be in Hawaii. Maybe it’s the song or maybe it’s just this heat!

Laila Samuels – Last Day Of Our Lives

“That video makes it incredibly difficult for me to like this song.”

Tim: Still just me, which may be for the best – we all know how Tom in particular feels about kids choirs in songs, and its no safe bet that anyone else would like them either. Basically, if you’ve got a thing about them, you’ll want to switch off at about the 3:20 mark.

Tim: And I’m left wondering what on Earth Laila is doing there? Positioning herself as some sort of second coming, surrounding herself with people who love her as a miracle worker and then viciously eject people who disagree with them. Good thing we don’t do politics on this site, or I could draw all sorts of comparisons that might lose me some friends.

To be honest, that video makes it incredibly difficult for me to like this song. Sometimes gentle and brooding is a good thing, and sometimes it’s just dull. Sometimes kids choirs can be inspirational, and sometimes they can be mediocre. On both those counts, this song seems to be on the borderline, and that video just pushes her right into negative territory. Sorry, Laila – be a bit less self-infatuated next time, and I might be on your side, but right now: nope.

Autoheart – Oxford Blood

“Very gloomy, but two things save it.”

Tim: All me today – well, me and our reader Drake (probably not that one) who sends us this, on the basis that we’ve reviewed their track Moscow a few years ago and liked it and we might like this one. Fair assumption. It’s the second track off their upcoming second album, so have a listen.

Tim: And it took me a couple of listens, but I think I’m on board with this one as well. Very gloomy vocally, most notably in the verses – almost overly so – but two things save it. First, that melody in the chorus, which I absolutely love, though I dearly wish I could think where I recognise it from. Second: the synth line that starts during the middle eight and then keeps running throughout the closing chorus. For those two reasons, I am IN.