Saturday Flashback: Bonnie Tyler feat. Kareen Antonn – Si demain… (Turn Around)

“Tourner en rond”

Tom: I wonder who first realised that the French expression “tourner en rond”, roughly translated as the idiom “running in circles”, sounds a lot like Bonnie Tyler’s big song?

Tom: Either way, in 2003 this was released. Ten weeks at number one in the French charts. Presumably another big payday for writer Jim Steinman.

Tim: Yes, and possibly for whoever rewrote those English lyrics, because I’m fairly sure no-one ever previously mentioned lying like a child in your arms.

Tom: But I’ve got one question, and it might just ruin this for you.

Tim: Oh, go on then, but only on the condition that I can do the same afterwards.

Tom: …is it me, or does Bonnie Tyler sound a bit like she’s retching quite a bit?

Tim: Yep, there it is. And my main question about this is why, from 1:10, does she start telling Santa to turn around?

STEELE – Follow

“I love how optimistic press releases are.”

Tim: It’s “finally time for STEELE’s new release”, apparently, so here it is combining “cinematic influences along with elements inspired by post-rock music.”

Tom: I love how optimistic press releases are.

Tim: And actually cinematic seems like a good word to describe that, because that’d be one hell of a track to go over the first part of a closing credits.

Tom: That’s true, but let’s not forget there are very few closing-credit songs that make it into the charts. It’s definitely possible, of course: but in most cases it’s the artist cashing in. (Hi there, Fall Out Boy.)

Tim: Further notes from the artist mention a “musical maze that’s full of emotion and passion” which is probably pushing it a bit far because what on earth is a musical maze?

Tom: One that’s confusing, difficult to find your way around, and half way through you realise that you acually just want to skip to the end and get out of there. That’s probably unduly harsh, but get your metaphors right, people.

Tim: Regardless, hell of a dramatic track, and while the voice may well grate with some people, I’m all for this. Now, what film can we fit it to?

Alessio Bernabei – Io E Te = La Soluzione

“Listen, world: this is how you do a big emotional pop song.“

Tom: Our reader, Canio, sends in this Italian track. “You and I are the Solution” would be the title in English; it’s the second solo single from what was, according to Canio, “the Italian 1D”.

Tim: Sounds fun, let’s have it.

Tom: Prepare yourself, because it’s a Big Love Ballad and I’m going to Type With Lots Of Capitals.

Tim: OH MY DAYS.

Tom: Now Canio said he wasn’t impressed with this, and I couldn’t disagree more. Listen to that chorus! That’s a brilliant chorus!

Tim: Oh, hell, yes yes it is.

Tom: Yes, it’s not pushing the boundaries of pop music at all, but I don’t care: that’s a chorus that could get belted out by any international star. Translate it and it’ll work on the international market, too.

Tim: I am so annoyed that the credits under that only list the video production team (worthy as they are, it’s a beautiful video), because I really want to know more about the team behind that. That’s the sound of an early Max Martin track there, and I want to hear more.

Tom: Basically, this passed one of my two Decent Pop Song Tests: I immediately hit replay so I could hear it again. It failed the “can I sing the chorus after one listen” test, but to be fair I don’t speak Italian so I can give it a pass on that. Listen world: this is how you do a big emotional pop song.

Tim: A Big, Big Emotional Pop Song.

Tom: Also, full marks for whoever’s doing the Big Sweeping Drone Shots in the video.

Tim: Excellent cliff-sitting action as well.

Sandra Lyng – Blue

“Just press play and don’t read ahead.”

Tim: No intro here, just press play and don’t read ahead.

Tom: Well, that’s confusing.

Tim: You see my initial thought was to start the post with “Before you ask, Tom, no it isn’t,” except, well, it kind of is. It’s one of the weirdest tracks I’ve heard in a while, to be honest, and I’m not sure what I think of it.

It’s not a remix, it’s not sampling, it’s definitely not a cover – the closest thing I can think of is Frankee’s F U Right Back (which isn’t, as it turns out, a song worth revisiting).

Tom: “Contains an interpretation of” is, I believe, the technical term. Unexpectedly, I really like it. I don’t think I would if it didn’t have that interpretation, though: it’s doing something interesting.

Tim: Throughout the first verse, I was thinking it was a really good track – for starters, “your army is who you are” is a great lyric. Suddenly, though, when I realised what was happening, I was brought waaaay out of it, and then I noticed the similarities in the melody that skipped me by the first time, and then…well, it’s almost a novelty (and one where the lyric video person somehow can’t spell “dee”).

Tom: The newly-written sections are the dullest parts, because of course they are. I’m treating this like a Live Lounge cover: it’s not something I’d regularly listen to, but I’m glad it exists.

Tim: I don’t know if I like this or not, I genuinely don’t.

Mia Renwall – Full Circle Rainbow

“Not quite poppers o’clock enough.”

Tim: Mia, briefly of the 2011 series of Finland’s The Voice, presents us with this, official song of Helsinki Pride this year.

Tim: And…to be honest, it’s a tad disappointing – yes, the chorus gets its gay on properly, and obviously the lyrics are all rainbows, but I can’t help feeling it’s not quite poppers o’clock enough for me.

Tom: Heck of a sentence, there, Tim. I’m not sure I’m really qualified to argue with you on this, particularly for the phrase “poppers o’clock”—

Tim: Popper’s o’clock.

Tom: —but yep: you’re about right there.

Tim: If we’re going in for a great eurodance anthem, as seems to be the case here, then I’d like the chorus levels moved to the verses (though I could be persuaded to give the first verse a little slack as a warmup) and the chorus itself shaking the floor.

Tom: Exactly that. And if you’re going to do a weird wobble-bass middle-eight, commit to it.

Tim: Also, let’s see if we can bin off the autotune next year, maybe? It’s close, but not quite the pink cigar I’d like.

Tom: Blimey.

Apollo 5 – Too Close To The Sun

“The clap.”

Tim: Second track of this lot, and I’m sorry to have to warn you that they’ve chosen this moment to break out the ukulele.

Tom: And the clap, it would seem. Sorry, the claps.

Tim: And DAMMIT I hate that this song makes me really happy. I HATE ukuleles. I LOATHE the stupid guitar foetus things that make frown men look like they’re giants strumming an ant. I DESPISE everything about them, the fake chirpy optimism they never fail to signify, and the general irritation that a single strum creates in me.

Tom: Mm. See, given this is the second ukulele song in a week where you’ve enjoyed it, I’m starting to question that.

Tim: Well, that brings me on to the most of all: I UTTERLY ABHOR the fact that in many cases…it works. Because I’m listening to this and despite it being the most appallingly twee song we’ve heard in months, especially once you add in the clapping–

Tom: Just call it the Clap.

Tim: I still have a smile on my face. Every time that chorus comes around, I’m smiling like the sodding Cheshire Cat.

Tom: I was about to say “if it’s any consolation, Tim, it pretty much completely unaffects me,” but then it did that bridge on the way back from the middle eight and I found myself quietly nodding my head along with it.

Tim: Bastards, all of them.

Saturday Flashback: Girls Can’t Catch – L.E.S. Artistes

“Actually very good.”

Tim: You may remember this lot from when we wrote about their excellent song Echo several years back; if you’ve a really good memory, you’ll remember that I mentioned that despite them splitting up the album they had recorded was due out sometime soon.

Tom: For once, I do actually remember that — which is a sign of just how good that first track was.

Tim: Well, it never came out. Not officially, anyway – it is, for some reason, available on YouTube via a Brazilian music website, and as this track demonstrates it’s actually very good.

Tim: Isn’t it? The verses are fairly standard, admittedly – say, a Saturdays album track. On the other hand, I really can’t get enough of that chorus, it’s just so lovely.

Tom: Really? Because that chorus also sounds like a Saturdays album track, crossed with Adele’s “Someone Like You”.

Tim: The ending’s perhaps – no, definitely – too drawn out; no-one has ever asked for a basically empty four bar loop repeated for over thirty seconds, but on the other hand: damn, that chorus.

The Lola O – TwentyfourSevenPartypeople

“I was hoping it’d become more shouty than it did.”

Tim: FRIDAY, so let’s drop into The Lola O’s nonstop party for a few minutes, turn the volume up loud and see if we like what we hear.

Tom: Well, that intro sounds like any 2000s pop-punk song. I was hoping it’d become more shouty than it did — but surprisingly, I enjoyed the time it took to get there.

Tim: Good, good – then in the end we have our loud and raucous vocals, yep; trumpets to get everything off to a good start, yep; being very very insistent that they are indeed TwentyfourSevenPartypeople just like that one person you always get a party encouraging everyone to do stupid stuff, also yep.

Tom: Is that really loud and raucous, though? It’s melodic. The volume’s not enough to count as loud and the music’s too tuneful to be raucous.

Tim: Hmm, I’d just about call it that. It is easy to make tracks like this too shouty and annoying – for me the border’s roughly just a tiny bit further than Icona Pop – but this fits just great.

Tom: As with so many things we review, Tim, you’re just more enthusiastic than me. For me, this falls into a twilight zone between “not shouty” and “shouty”, and I don’t think it can rescue itself.

Tim: I disagree – for one, that chorus is just excellent – the “we got loads of trouble” with the strong continuous beat underneath, and then the second half with the trumpet back again for all the triumph. Great stuff, love it.

Ben Mitkus – Kills Me

“A perfectly serviceable four minutes of pop.”

Tim: A Swede who’s big off YouTube, but unlike Samir & Viktor he has a decent voice, and debuts with a decent track to go with it. Have a listen.

Tim: And by decent track, I mean perfectly serviceable four minutes of pop, really – catchy chorus, decent beat, pleasant melody.

Tom: Hmm. It has that, sure, but my brain kept wandering off onto other things during it. The production seems a bit anaemic: maybe YouTube compression hasn’t been kind to the audio, but it seems a bit like it’s being played through a really cheap stereo.

Tim: To be honest, with all the layered vocals it sounds more a like a boyband track than a solo production, but that’s fine – frankly, anything that’s, say, a third-off-an-album One Direction track is absolutely fine by me.

Tom: Third and One Direction? It’s more of a Vamps album track at best, I reckon. There’s nothing wrong with it, but there’s nothing especially right with it either. Still, could be worse.

Tim: Indeed. So good work, keep them coming.

Isle Of You – 50 + 1

“I didn’t expect to like that as much as I did.”

Tim: Dodgy pun in the act name, yes, and I’m looking forward to seeing how that’ll pan out across the inevitable future “you suck”-style tracks, but to start out with they give us this chirpy number, so let’s go with it.

Tom: Well, that’s pleasantly chirpy. I really… I didn’t expect to like that as much as I did.

Tim: Normally, a ukulele is something that would put me right off a track, and the phenomenally ridiculous ions metaphor might in some situations have me chucking my iMac out of the window. Right now and with this track, though: it all fits together, absolutely fine.

Tom: How on earth did they manage to make this sound endearing rather than cringeworthy? I wouldn’t have thought it was possible!

Tim: I mean, I’ve got no idea what a ‘Taylor Swift crush’ is – my best guess is ‘I like you right now but as soon as you’re a dick I’ll write a not remotely subtle song about it’ – so I don’t know how that’s meant to be romantic.

There’s also a hefty element of self-aggrandisation going on – I’d sure as hell love to see 106 reasons why I should date either one of the two singers. And all in all, this song is more or less a textbook definition of jaunty.

Tom: You say that, but there’s a couple of jess-jaunty notes in there, on that lovely “know I’m a good catch”. I think that’s a good summary of the whole song: it balances the twee with just enough strange things to make it palatable.

Tim: And right now, I like that. I don’t know why, because objectively it hits all my wrong buttons, but I like it a lot.