Saturday Reject: Aistė Pilvelytė – Unbreakable

“I defy you to find me a Eurovision fanatic who wouldn’t lose their absolute shit to this on a dance floor.”

Tom: Right, after a week of Sweden: what’s the rest of Europe got?

Tim: Lithuania had an interesting result this year (well, for a given value of interesting): not just a landslide televote gap between the winner and runner up, but also a landslide gap between that and third place, and continuing down in a sort of reverse exponential curve.

Tom: A “power-law distribution“, I believe.

Tim: Here’s the third place, which actually got quite a bit more love from the the public than the jury.

Tom: That’s… like Carola’s Invincible, but not quite as good?

Tim: Hmm, I’ll give you similarities, I guess, but…nah. Either way, this is a BANGER of sorts, at least compared to everything else on offer that night, and I’m often left wondering what it is that jurors are told to base their votes on. Just the song, with a combination of melody, genre, lyrics; the performance and stage presence of the artist; the lighting and the stage decoration; how they think it’ll do on the night; or just whether or not they individually like it?

Tom: I tried to look up the rules, but couldn’t find anything: I do wonder how much deliberation there is between the jurors, too.

Tim: Because I’ll be entirely honest: for at least the first three of those things, I can’t find a problem with this, at all.

Tom: I’m not convinced by every high note in there, but sure, I don’t know why the jury would rate it that much lower. Perhaps it’s too much schlager and not enough Serious Pop.

Tim: Yeah, it’s that fourth which would most explain it: danced-up schlager isn’t exactly in vogue right now amongst the general populace, which I suppose slightly justifies it (though I defy you to find me a Eurovision fanatic who wouldn’t lose their absolute shit to this on a dance floor). If it’s the fifth, though, well, that’d just show them all to be idiots.

Dotter – Bulletproof

” I can’t believe I’ve never seen what is basically ‘human disco ball’ as a trick before.”

Tim: And finally in our trek through the Melodifestivalen final, the song that was runaway favourite heading into to the final, but ended up coming second by just one single point, which has got to be a killer.

Tim: Heck of a song, though.

Tom: Heck of a dress. Actually, the whole staging is brilliant: I can’t believe I’ve never seen what is basically “human disco ball” as a trick before. Even that single beam of light projected into her palm could have been cheesy — so I have absolutely no idea how the production team pulled off the full epilepsy-inducing trick without it seeming completely ridiculous.

Tim: It does look good, doesn’t it? Of course, it’s interesting in this situation to figure what it was that could cause just a few thousand people to vote another way, or if changed could have brought her victory. Is it that bits of the verse are a tad reminiscent of Imagine Dragons’s Thunder? Is it that they saw her start by lying down and thought “yeah, Victor’s already done that, let’s have something new”? Is it even just that not so many people had the phones lit up at 1:25 as they did in, say, a comparable yet almost breathtaking shot from the song just a few previously?

Tom: Or a slightly off note somewhere, or lighting that reflected in a way that seemed distracting rather than cool. Or maybe the audience just got bored of the trick itself. There’s not much wrong with the actual song — I don’t think it’d have won, but there’s not much wrong with it.

Tim: No – these are all tiny, tiny things, that would never normally be criticisms, but might just have made the difference. Who knows. Whatever happened, though, she more than acquitted herself, and hopefully she’ll come back next year.

Mendez feat. Alvaro Estrella – Vamos amigos

“That middle eight is… certainly a brave choice.”

Tim: The party track, the one that everyone loves (or at least enjoys parts of) and listens to at home, and stands no chance at all of going to Rotterdam.

Tom: It’s partly in Spanish, and there’s a got the “come on!” party shoutout at the start and everything. Yep. Ticks all the boxes, doesn’t it?

Tim: Juries ranked it last, alongside Victor.

Tom: I am not surprised, that middle eight is… certainly a brave choice. It’s like you’ve crossed Daddy Yankee and Guy Fieri.

Tim: Perhaps, but even so, the viewers still liked it, because, yeah, it’s the party track, and even with the awful rapping section without even much music underneath to save it, it’s still fun and listenable and not so bad to get behind. The juries, apparently and sensibly, knew better, but it’s still fun to watch on a Saturday evening, surrounded by more sensible stuff. I wouldn’t have a final without it.

Robin Bengtsson – Take A Chance

“You’re a music competition, not the new series of Westworld.”

Tim: We’re three performances in, and yet I’ve only just noticed that this year Melodifestivalen was (almost entirely) shot in 2.35:1.

Tom: Oh, that’s been annoying me all week. Keeps happening — I think Doctor Who’s in 2:1 this season, apparently — and there’s absolutely no need for it.

Tim: Absolutely not, and it annoys me whenever it’s on TV – unlike in a cinema, where the picture gets wider, you’re not getting any extra size benefit. Instead, you’re just losing stuff. I’m fairly sure, here, it was Robin’s slightly annoying suaveness that made me realise it.

Tim: See, again with that cinematic look – I said almost entirely because on occasions, like parts of another song, they were forced to go back to 16:9 so they could fit in the background. Here, we’ve close up shots like the one at the end, and you’re forced to chop his hair off for no good reason. Sure, in some dramas, the directors want to look all cinematic, and fine, that’s their choice. But come off it: you’re a music competition, not the new series of Westworld.

Song’s alright, though.

Tom: He’s got an interesting voice, but I’m not convinced that’s a good thing: my reaction on those first few notes was “oh”, and it took me a while to appreciate it. I’m not sure whether that falsetto at the end is a good idea.

Tim: I don’t know – Europe wasn’t too unhappy with his voice three years ago, getting him fifth place in Kiev, and I think it pretty much works here.

Tom: Well, there’s my bad memory for songs again. Mind you, speaking of memories, it’s certainly a bold choice for a Swedish song to use the words “take a chance on me”.

Tim: Ha, do you know I’d not thought of that, but you’re not wrong. In any case, it ended up mid-table with voters, juries, and combined, and that seems about right.

Victor Crone – Troubled Waters

“Up on stage asking his native Sweden if they’d let him have a go for them. They said no.”

Tim: Ten months after representing Estonia at Eurovision and not doing too badly, he was up on stage asking his native Sweden if they’d let him have a go for them. They said no.

Tim: I say they said no, that’s not entirely fair – the voters didn’t dislike this too much, apparently not holding much of a grudge; the juries ranked it right at the bottom, though, which is disappointing, not least because we haven’t had staging that confusing at Eurovision since Sergey Lazarev four years ago.

Tom: It took me a good few seconds to realise he was lying down at the start. Still, at least he seems to be having a good time on stage, if nothing else, that enthusiasm is genuinely impressive.

Tim: Mind you, it is largely about the song, and…well, as I say so often, I don’t get why this was ranked so low – I know it got to the final which is credit enough, but dammit jurors, let’s in future get them giving reasons for their scores as well can we?

I’ll grant you, it wasn’t the top song of the night, but both he and the song (that note out of the middle eight!) have got a huge amount going for them. DAMN YOU ALL.

Tom: You’re right, that note is impressive — but the overall piece sounded a bit like Avicii’s style ten years ago, and even at three minutes it felt a bit long to me. It’s good! There’s nothing wrong with it! It probably belonged in the final! But I can see why the music industry types would think it’s a bit passé.

Tim: Actually, lastly, back to that staging, and watching Sergey, it’s got me wondering: how long do we think it’ll be before Eurovision gets motion capture on stage?

Anna Bergendahl – Kingdom Come

Tim: Sweden chose its Eurovision entry last Saturday; as tradition dictates, let’s spend the week seeing what they could have had instead, starting with this TRIUMPH (although sadly not an actual triumph).

Tom: It’s time for the Week of Rejects!

Tim: WHAT A SONG, and to be honest I’m almost surprised it came as high as it did, because it’s the sort of song that I love, Swedish folk are okay with and juries slate (pretty much like her song last year, in fact).

Tom: It’s solid, isn’t it? It feels almost like a Eurovision song from a few years back.

Tim: But nope, in the end it came fourth with both and third overall, maths is great isn’t it?

Tom: That makes sense, if there were songs above it that divided public and juries a lot more. Melodifestivalen selections have to at least satisfy both.

Tim: And that, I think, is pretty much exactly where it should have come – the lyrics are powerful, the music is BANGING but it is alas probably not a Eurovision song right now, and we really really don’t want a repeat of ten years ago when she became the only Swede in history not to qualify.

Tom: You’re right: these days something like this stands a fair chance of dropping out in the semis.

Tim: As for the staging, it was kept to a minimum all round this year – I think there was some reason given, but was almost certainly nonsense – but Anna made good use of what was available, with flashing lights and magically appearing dancers, and who’d say no to that?

K-391, Alan Walker & Ahrix – End of Time

“Well, that’s lovely, isn’t it?”

Tim: Today, in ‘things that in hindsight are obvious but Tim never thought to realise’: producers who started out making tracks in their bedrooms at about the same time have a proper community rather than just having agents that contact each other for the occasional collaboration.

Tom: Huh. That’s pretty much how YouTube works, but I never thought to apply that to the music industry. All right. What’ve they put together?

Tim: This here’s a reworking of the track Nova that Ahrix made in 2013, slowed down a bit, given some vocals and brought a bit up to date, and the description below the video description is really quite lovely. Starts with a bit about how the three of them started, came together (apparently Nova was the track that brought them together), and ends up saying that with this, “we want to pay respect to all the music and producers that came before us, while also giving an opportunity for the next wave of bedroom producers out there who have yet to get a chance.”

Tom: Well, that’s lovely, isn’t it?

Tim: Isn’t it just? As for the song: entirely as we’d expect it to be, really, and in my view that isn’t remotely a criticism. The melody’s nice, lyrics pretty much get that message across.

Tom: And Alan Walker is using his signature “Hasn’t He Got Bored Of That Yet? Well We Wouldn’t Recognise Him Without It” synth for the chorus. I assume he’s had some other input too, though.

Tim: Well, there’s the video, which is as peculiar as is now to be expected from this crowd – though that is responsible for my one criticism: although there’s a deeper story there, there’s also a whole ‘we’re the three lone survivors at the end of world’ imagery, which might have been a little better timed given the whole ‘deadly virus sweeping the world’ thing that’s currently going on.

Tom: I didn’t make that connection, so hopefully they can get away with it.

Tim: Ah, probably. For now: great.

Cecilia Kallin – Heaven

“And isn’t that just entirely fine?”

Tim: We’ve not featured Cecilia before, or at least not as a solo artist – she’s formerly of Timoteij, whose output we’ve enjoyed on multiple occasions.

Tom: And whose shampoo we miss. (Sorry.)

Tim: It would appear they broke up a while back, though, because here’s this.

Tim: And isn’t that just entirely fine?

Tom: Yeah, “fine” about sums it up. Which is damning with faint praise, really: I think I was expecting something DJ Sammy, and instead I got the title theme to an early-2000s romantic comedy.

Tim: Yeah, maybe I should have warned you, sorry.

Tom: It’s nice! There’s nothing wrong with it! I doubt it’ll be a chart smash.

Tim: It’s chirpy and happy, and all about what you might be feeling if you’ve got a new person you’re wanting to get off with, or maybe something a bit more romantic if they’re really special.

Tom: I mean, that’s specific, but–

Tim: Maybe they’re a new colleague, or a regular commuter; a barista, or the person who’s just moved in next door. Whatever the exact relationship, you just can’t seem to stop thinking about them. You’ve trouble focussing at work, you’re becoming absent-minded elsewhere, you’re spilling your drink every time you see them. All you want, all you’re thinking about, all day and every day, is speaking to them, asking them out, taking them back to your place, sitting them down, standing in front of them, and singing a weirdly damp song you’ve written about them. And then it’ll all be perfect. Right?

Tom: …are you okay, Tim?

Tim: Me? Yeah, of course. Totally okay. Entirely.

Martin Garrix feat. Clinton Kane – Drown

“Today for you, a chorus line that I’m almost entirely certain isn’t meant to be taken literally.”

Tim: Today for you, a chorus line that I’m almost entirely certain isn’t meant to be taken literally.

Tom: Yep, unlike our Eurovision entry, this is the sort of lyric that it’s obnoxious to be pedantic about.

Tim: Despite it being really weird, though, I actually really like this – the song, that is, not the metaphor. The production’s much as you’d expect from someone reliable like Martin, and he’s got a featured vocalist who can get all the notes in the right place. The melody, pleasingly, is one I can remember after hearing just once, although that may be more to do with the icky ‘ocean of you’ thing than any definite indication of a good melody. But who cares? It’s in my head, wanting to be heard again.

Tom: I thought it was, but then I realised I actually had Fleetwood Mac’s “Little Lies” in my head, thanks to that ‘tell me lies’ bit. Still, at only three minutes, at least this one doesn’t outstay its welcome.

Tim: As for Clinton, he’s been around a while uploading covers and original songs to YouTube, mostly guitar-based stuff, and he’s from all over the place – Filipino-Norwegian heritage, has lived in Australia and the UK. And in case you’re wondering, the two of them have definitely met, but it only happened after the song had been put together and finished – volcanic eruptions prevented it happening sooner. Isn’t it always the way?

KEiiNO feat. Charlotte Qamaniq – Black Leather

“Yeah, I guess we do have to put the folk stuff in, don’t we, it’s kind of our thing.”

Tim: ‘A pop tribute to the Berlin club scene’, this is, so, erm, yeah.

Tim: So that’s, for me, the second track in just four weeks that’s (a) brilliant and (b) coming with a dollop of “yeah, I guess we do have to put the folk stuff in, don’t we, it’s kind of our thing”.

Tom: You’re not wrong. Has the gimmick reached its limit? Because this has a really great chorus melody, and then… then there’s some traditional singing too. I think this might well be better without it. (It’d also be better with a rewrite of that awful “looking like a snack / no way back” lyric couplet, but never mind.)

Tim: This is, according to the notes beneath the video, “the first pop-banger that includes traditional singing from two indigenous cultures; Sami Joik and Inuk throat singing”, the latter of which is what Charlotte provides.

Tom: I actually thought the throat-singing worked well: because it’s so unlike anything I’ve heard before, my brain treated it as almost like a new synth or other vocal sample. The joik, on the other hand, just sounded out of place.

Tim: It is odd: both this and Colours are two great tracks that have just had the folk element shoehorned in, and a tiny (teeny teeny tiny) part of me wonders if the two of them that aren’t Fred (the Sámi rapper) might be happy enough without it. On the other hand, KEiiNO without that would be like Scooter without HP Baxxter: a bit more mainstream, perhaps, but really just not the same at all.