Saturday Reject: Freddy Kalas – Feel Da Rush

“The moment I realised Daz Sampson was not a uniquely British institution.”

Tim: 21st February 2016, 21:30 GMT. The wonderful, joyous moment I realised Daz Sampson was not a uniquely British institution.

Tim: Now I watched this, and had that moment. It was wonderful, he was my new favourite, but obviously it’s ridiculous, and it couldn’t possibly get voted through.

Tom: Good heavens, that’s ridiculous. And amazing. And… wait, what happens with that cut at 0:16? Have they got two steadicam operators, both rotating around him? That sort of sums up the whole thing right there. How did that even get to the main show?

Tim: Which was my thought – there were better songs, there were bigger reactions in the crowd – just, why? So I kept blathering on Twitter, made my predictions for the Gold Final (top four), as is my wont during selection programmes, but then after the third only one had got through, I posted “Blimey, I’m having a shocker on the predictions front tonight. Maybe Norwegian Daz will get through.”

AND THEN HE BLOODY DID. AND I SMILED SO MUCH THAT TEARS CAME TO MY EYES.

Tom: You’re kidding me.

Tim: Actual tears, Tom. So then he performed again, and I realised I’d been paying so much attention to his hat, and the girls with the floral necklaces, and the enormous spark fountains, and the mixing desk disguised as a cocktail bar, and all the very very caucasian people that I had somehow not noticed that he kept that cod Jamaican accent going throughout and that, weirdly, I quite liked it as a track.

Tom: It sounds like someone mixed Aviici with Peter Andre. And gave him some steel drum samples and a ludicrous t-shirt. And then actually made the song catchy.

Tim: It’s utterly ridiculous, but it’s just a whole lot of fun. And then to top it all off – in the end, he actually came second, coming well ahead of even Norway’s favourite boyband, Suite 16. It was absolutely wonderful.

Bob Sinclar – Someone Who Needs Me

“There is literally not a single moment to get excited about.”

Tom: Occasionally, you get a remix that massively improves on the original, or at least rewrites it into something that’s different and still good. And sometimes, you get… well, you get this. Heads up: this is from a mix podcast, so it’s got some DJ announcements over the top of it. However, I don’t think they’ll massively change your opinion.

Tim: No. No, it doesn’t change my opinion at all.

Tom: He’s just repeating one line over his own instrumentation. It’s not even particularly good instrumentation. Is that all he could license? Was he just lazy? Or did he think that was enough to make a three minute record with? The original is so good, and this… this is just a bit dull.

Tim: There are just no big moments at all – you’ve got that quiet bit, building up to something, and you’ve got that build later on, but each time it just leads to…nothing. Nothing more, nothing less than exactly what was there before. You’re right – it’s dull, as there is literally not a single moment to get excited about.

Tom: And before you think I’m just being staid because I’m a fan of the original: this type of track can absolutely be done well — look at Kygo’s Take On Me, for example, or Sigala’s Easy Love. Both brilliant. Both feel like they’ve had effort put into them. This doesn’t.

Tim: It’s an eight-bar loop with a similar length vocal line. There is basically nothing here at all.

Mimi Werner & Brolle – Here We Go Again

“It’s the disappointing kind of duet.”

Tim: Mimi is following up her storming hoedown debut at Melodifestivalen with this, a duet with 2001’s Popstars veteran Brolle.

Tom: Well, that’s not exactly storming, is it?

Tim: And, it’s the disappointing kind of duet where neither is paying any attention whatsoever to what the other is singing, despite them being standing less than a foot away from each other in the video – a shame, really, because tracks like Up and Second Hand Heart show that conversations and narratives can happen, and the song is invariably better for that. Here, we have basically an individual’s song split in two.

Tom: And not a particularly good song at that? At times — particularly that middle eight — it almost sounds like a nursery rhyme that’s been given a bit of production value. It’s very slow, very simple, and just… not enough to get me excited.

Tim: Musically, though, it’s decent enough – I probably shouldn’t have linked to those two duets earlier, actually, because they’re both quite a bit better, but never mind, because the chorus is a fair belter and one I’m happy to listen to frequently. So much so, in fact, that I will actually hope that their relationship can get beyond the fact that they have no idea what each other is saying. GOOD LUCK GUYS.

Danny Saucedo – Hör vad du säger men jag har glömt vad du sa

“I am very, very much in favour of songs like this”

Tim: Alternatively, “I hear what you say but I’ve forgotten what you said”, and after a year or so of mostly dull ballads, he’s back to doing what he does best.

Tim: Other lines in the chorus include “who was it who said that, was it you or me?” – basically, this is a great relationship running on full throttle. And it’s a song that reflects that – from the brash singing that’s basically chanting right through to the jubilant woooooooahs that penetrate the latter half of it – along with a video to boot.

Tom: It’s a fine line between “great party” and “what a bunch of jerks” in a video like this, and for me it definitely ends up on the wrong side of it. Interesting to see bits of vertical video actually make it in as a deliberate style choice, though.

Tim: Yeah, I quite liked that – almost made the party seem more realistic.

Tom: I seem to have a lot of opinions about the video and very few about the music.

Tim: I am very, very much in favour of songs like this, to the extent that actually I feel a bit let down that it isn’t even louder.

Tom: And you’re right there — perhaps that’s why I’m not really sold on the music. It’s certainly a Big Party Song, but despite that it somehow leaves me a little bit cold. The words are there, but perhaps not all the meaning.

Tim: I’m not entirely sure what I’d do to make it bigger – maybe it’s just that that’s not quite enough of a jump from the verse to the chorus. Still, while it’s here, let’s enjoy and go full on FUN HAPPY PARTY WOOO!!!!

Roxette – It Just Happens

“Talk about don’t bore us, get to the chorus.”

Tim: Yesterday Rick Astley, today Roxette. Apparently we’ve fallen through time so, as ever, be careful around your parents and all that.

Tim: And talk about don’t bore us, get to the chorus. It takes guts to open a song with the chorus – it’s a bit like starting a TV episode with a shocking scene and then showing a “48 hours earlier” caption, because if the rest of it doesn’t measure up then your audience will switch off fairly quickly. Here, though, I’ve no qualms with it – it sets up the scene nicely, blasts us in the face with the message and then steps back a bit to explain it.

Tom: “In medias res” is the technical term — by which I mean, the Latin term — and it’s generally a successful gambit in film. If this is the start of a trend in music, I’m happy with it.

Tim: Another nice thing, which is exactly the same that was present during their last revival: a mixture of their originals 80s sound and modern sounds in there as well.

Tom: It is! It’s never going to storm the charts, but it’s a good opener to a new album that their fans will love.

Tim: Hopefully, yes. Modern pop backing, but some distinctly previous vocals in the chorus (to the extent that I’m sure I’ve heard that “if it’s right or wrong”/”will always find a way” lead in to the chorus before in another old song).

Tom: And that chorus does, unfortunately, keep reminding me of the Lonely Island’s “I Just Had Sex”. It’s those aa-aa-aahs in the background.

Tim: I haven’t listened to that song in ages, so can’t remember it; I won’t play now in case it ruins this. Also from the 80s, and less welcome here: the fade out, as it really doesn’t belong in a 2010s song. Basically, that aside, this is more or less exactly what I didn’t know I would have wanted from a new Roxette track. Excellent work, everybody.

Rick Astley – Keep Singing

“Almost sounds like the vocal part from an Avicii track.”

Tom: Our reader, Jeff, sends this in. Not quite our usual music, but it seems apt to cover it. And I’ll save his comment for later on: you’ll see why.

Tim: Decent enough Rick Astley song, there.

Tom: Good, calm soul song. Sounds almost like Hozier — and that incredible voice is still there. In fact, it almost sounds like the vocal part from an Avicii track. (Did you know he’s retired, by the way?)

Tim: I did, yes – part of me thinks it’s a shame; on the other hand, it can safely be argued that he peaked a while ago and is getting out just before he stops getting top 10 tracks.

Tom: So this is where I bring in Jeff’s comment: “speed it up by 1.25x”. Click the gear icon at the bottom of the YouTube video, there’s an option to do that.

Tim: Ooh. Oh, that’s interesting, and a whole lot more enjoyable – takes it from slightly dull soul to almost proper pop.

Tom: And now it’s just an Avicii track without the beats. And given that this is Rick Astley, and this is on the internet, I guarantee you that someone will have EDM’d this up by the time this post goes live.

Tim: You mean like this?

Saturday Reject: After Dark – Kom Ut Som En Stjärna

“Unexpected. And then, unexpectedly good.”

Tim: There’s a school of thought that reckons Anna Book actually did herself a favour getting kicked out – as a schlager track, it went down very well as an interval performance, inside the stadium and outside, but would likely have been utterly rejected by the voters had it actually been competing. This track, ending up as it did in seventh place, adds a lot of weight to that.

Tom: Well, that was unexpected. And then, unexpectedly good. That’s a really good chorus: riffing on I Will Survive, and a half-dozen other disco classics, but never actually quite going there.

Tim: A drag act with a chorus of “come out like a star, glisten after dark, take a step into the light as your true self, open the closet, time for your entrance, come out like a star, a true superstar”.

Tom: Mm. I feel I’ve seen that schtick somewhere before. Oh, yes: that would be on stage, in Copenhagen, in Eurovision 2014.

Tim: Yes, and there it was big DRAMA taking itself very seriously; here it’s less so, instead being just plain camp, more for entertainment than for a political statement. Directly talking about how great Lady Gaga, Madonna, Beyoncé and Cher are, and a key change that goes through the ceiling. It brings an enormous reaction in the stadium, but that heart barely starts beating.

Tom: Could you explain that heart? Is it some sort of live-voting thing?

Tim: Pretty much – the intensity of the heart, which goes from grey to lightning-zapping pink, via dark purple and quiet pink, represents the number of app votes that are coming in for each song, which can only be done while the song is on. Brought in a couple of years ago, apparently to make viewers feel more involved with the show. And here it shows – Sweden knows this is a song that would be awful for Eurovision, but is just so enjoyable to watch – and I’m fully in agreement with that.

Nina Kraljić – Lighthouse

“You almost want to play the “alright, give it a rest, love” card.”

Tim: And now, one we significantly disagreed on, and it’s Croatia with a singer who, controversially, did find success from winning The Voice. Well, sort of – the two singles she released entirely failed to chart, but at least she’s been chosen for this. I liked it quite a lot, but you not so much. Have another listen, see what you think.

Tim: It starts out nice and calm, and then, as the metaphorical seas get darker and choppier, builds to a song that is louder and more dramatic than we’d have imagined previously, almost to the extent that when the key change happens you almost want to play the “alright, give it a rest, love” card. And yet it still works, for the vast majority of it, even after that.

Tom: For you, maybe. For me: it really doesn’t. The melody sounds like a kids’ song, the chorus is just a bit dull despite all the effort put into it… it just bounces off me and makes me shrug a bit.

Tim: The verses are lovely, the chorus is lovely, there’s a nice melody throughout the middle eight, and once that massive out of control soaring vocal has calmed down it all goes back to working. No?

Tom: I don’t think it was ever working in the first place. I think this one’s down to personal taste, Tim: it just sounds like a Corrs album track to me.

Donny Montell – I’ve Been Waiting For This Night

“If Europeans have any sense at all…”

Tim: Rounding off our top three 2016 Eurovision tracks, this comes from Lithuania and sits nicely amongst a female power ballad and a schlager prince as an excellent example of decent, mainstream male fronted pop.

Tim: For reasons that’ll become clear in due course, I’ve been listening to Let It Go a LOT lately —

Tom: I’m hoping you’re performing as Elsa in Disney on Ice, but I suspect that’s not why.

Tim: Correct. — and so I can’t help but clench my fists at those first few notes of each verse. On the other hand, everything else about it is so good that I can’t help but forgive that. It’s Donny’s second trip to Eurovision, following his mid-table placement in 2012 with Love is Blind, and if Europeans have any sense at all this’ll do a whole lot better than that.

Tom: Ah, but do they? Or will they see it as being a bit too retro, a bit too slow in the verses, not quite enough to make it? It’s good, but those verses are…

Tim: Starting out mild and calm, then descending swiftly into hefty amount of dance beats in the chorus and never really letting go. Let’s be honest: if this was an X Factor winner’s single, it’d be straight to number one – as it is, being an eastern European entry for Eurovision it’ll probably sink internationally without a trace.

Tom: I said that about Ben Haenow’s debut single. And then.

Tim: Hmm. Still, let’s give it its two months of glory, shall we?

Samra – Miracle

“It’s all about the POWER.”

Tim: Another of my favourites, and I believe yours when we listened to them all by no small margin, this is from Azerbaijan. Like yesterday it’s an internal selection, with a singer who’s competed (and done well) in both Turkey and Azerbaijan’s editions of The Voice.

Tom: Yep, this is still my favourite of the selection, although I suspect it’ll be overtaken by others as I listen to them more and more. But most of the audience will only hear it once: and I reckon this’ll grab them.

Tim: Quite probably, because here it’s all about the POWER. Samra’s described it as “the anthem of a strong and brave girl”, and she’s hoping to “inspire those who lost their love to take the right decision and move on.” And that’s a very noble aim, and with these lyrics and the strength of the song, sure, let’s assume that’ll happen.

Tom: I’m sure I’ve heard that “miracle, oh-oh” construction somewhere before, but if so, it’s stuck in memory mainly because it’s really, really good.

Tim: I can’t see it charting outside of Eurovision, much as I’d like it to be, but that doesn’t change the fact that, assuming they do they staging right, it should be an incredible song to see at the final (as it will surely get to). Strong. Very, very strong.