5 Seconds of Summer – She’s Kinda Hot

“Like a pop-punk song straight out of my teenage years.”

Tim: Lead single from their upcoming album; bit of a racket, but have a listen anyway.

Tom: Wow, that’s like a pop-punk song straight out of my teenage years. There’s definitely some Offspring influence in there, and some Sum 41.

Tim: It really is, isn’t it? I spent the first one or two listens not enjoying it much (see previous ‘racket’ comment) so I was trying to work out what sort of structure it was going for, but then I decided to give up because basically it doesn’t, and by that point the racket-appreciation part of my brain had warmed up and then at work I put on Teenage Dirtbags, a compilation album of basically all the pop punk hits of the past twenty years that’s really, really enjoyable, but I’ve got distracted.

Tom: A little bit, yes. By the time the track actually kicks in, I think I know what it’s going for: that chorus is a proper summer-festival shout-along, and, hell, it makes as much sense as In Too Deep did. If they want to go that way, well, best of luck to them.

Tim: BASICALLY, 5 Seconds of Summer are entering POP PUNK phase, and doing very well with it.

Tom: I think the title and first verse threw me: I was expecting it to be a boyband song about a girl, and it’s really not. Once I’d adjusted to that: yeah, I can see this working.

Tim: Right – we’ve got all the necessary bits: repetitive hook, fair amount of anger and shouty vocals, lots of hefty drums and guitars, so just as long as I’ve got warmed up first I’m very into this. Nice one.

HouseTwins feat. Helena Paparizou – Love Till It’s Over

“Your standard summer banger.”

Tim: The HouseTwins (but not actual twins) are Greek; Helena is Greek/Swedish – it all works out. DANCE TUNE.

Tim: And… yep, your standard summer banger.

Tom: Apart from wanting to sing “Right Here Waiting” over the top of it all.

Tim: It’s…do you know, there’s really not much to say about this, aside from possibly wanging on about annoyances in the music industry meaning that if Calvin Harris had put this out it’d probably go to number one, but as it is will probably lurk around the lower end of disc 1 on a Clubland 2015 compilation or something if it gets lucky.

Tom: Piano, strings, synth. Tick, tick, tick.

Tim: Decent enough track, but alas nothing that’ll stand out. Back in your boxes, folks.

Hurts – Rolling Stone

“More or less perfect”

Tim: Second single to be unveiled from album number three, and, well, I don’t want to sell it too strongly and all that, but it’s more or less perfect.

Tim: Because we basically have everything that was good about the first album in the verses, and then everything that wasn’t too rackety from their second album in the chorus, and that post-chorus guitar section in particular is just wonderful.

Tom: It’s rare for my jaw to actually, literally drop, but it happened at the start of that chorus. I disagree with you on that post-chorus guitar, though; it seems a little out of place. Also, I just wanted to sing OneRepublic’s “Apologize” over the top of it, because those drum sounds are basically the same. (And those strings, come to think of it.)

Tim: You see? RUNNING OUT OF MUSIC.

Once you throw in the lyrics, which start with “In fair verona where we lay our scene, Juliet is on her knees” and descend from there, when the chorus kicks in I basically want to thrash around and scream.

Tom: I’m not as much of a fan of those as you, but I can’t quite put a finger on why. It’s good, it’s clearly very good, and I don’t want to take away from that, but I can see why it wasn’t the lead single.

Tim: All in all, what we have Hurts here at their absolute finest, which is basically music at its absolute finest, and dammit I hate that Some Kind of Heaven basically got no promo at all, because COME ON THEY MUST BE HEARD. Let’s PLAY THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS and also I found out recently that you can request songs to be played on Beats 1, so can we all phone them up immediately please and send iMessages to beats1radio@icloud.com THANKS GUYS.

Saturday Flashback: Sia – Fire Meet Gasoline

“Are we running out of music, Tom?”

Tim: Are we running out of music, Tom?

Tom: No idea, but apparently I can’t remember nine-tenths of what we get through here, so you’re more likely to notice it than I am.

Tim: This got pushed out back in April, but somehow it never registered with me, and I think that’s because every time I’d have heard I’d have thought “Blimey, this Beyoncé track’s getting a lot of plays right now isn’t it?” Because at 1:09, sing along! “Everywhere I’m looking now, I’m surrounded by your embrace…”

Tom: And the rest does sound a bit like someone’s remixed Chandelier.

Tim: I’m sure it’s not deliberate, and I’m sure yesterday’s track’s Bay City Rollers similarity that you pointed out wasn’t deliberate, and I’m absolutely certain that part of the chorus on Jess Glynne’s track isn’t based on She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain, but there it is. So are we just out of music now? I hope not, but the evidence suggests otherwise.

Simple Plan – Saturday

Tim: So I first came across this because yesterday a just discernible as fake 5 Seconds of Summer account posted a slightly slowed down version of this as their new single, God knows, why, but it’s really very good indeed.

Tom: “Hello, Simple Plan’s lawyers? Yes, this is the Bay City Rollers’ lawyers. We should talk about that intro. No, just the intro.”

Tim: They’re a Canadian band who we’ve featured once before, with their as yet only international hit, 2012’s Summer Paradise, and this is their first track since then and an entirely different kettle of fish – that was beachy and summery and whistle and a bit French, whereas this is PARTY and ROCK and WEEKEND and SHOUTY and AWESOME and BRILLIANT.

Tom: I mean, it is basically a punk version of that Bay City Rollers track, with a bit of Katy Perry’s Last Friday Night in there — although that’s mainly because they rhymed “boulevard” and “credit card”. Can’t deny, though, it’s a good PARTY WEEKEND SONG.

Tim: Except it isn’t. You know, I’m almost at the stage of getting very annoyed indeed with songs whose lyrics don’t match the music. Because of course it’s a party song. Loud. Raucous. Energetic. But what’s it suggesting for real fun? “You, me and nothing but Netflix.”

Tom: Well, yeah, but “we can line up shots til it all goes bad” too. And end up pukiing in a taxi. Actually, that sounds like a really bad night.

Tim: I was all excited for a big party, but then “I’d rather be alone with you”, so basically, sod off.

RoxSo – Margarita

“I’m not even sure it’s all in the same key.”

Tim: You know how, sometimes, you get songs with absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever?

Tom: Yeah, sure, they’re called “Cher Lloyd” tracks. BOOM.

Tim: OOF get you, mister fingernails emoji.

Tom: Oh crikey, that’s a horrible introduction. Who thought banjo-picking and… a sax, maybe?… who thought they’d go together? And it just gets worse from there. They’re trying to be Las Ketchup, and what we’ve got is a cheap imitation of Las Ketchup. Basically, we’ve got those cheap sachets of sort-of-ketchup that you get at cheap canteens.

Tim: Pretty much, yes. I suppose there aren’t *no* redeeming features, as the chorus is slightly listenable as long as you don’t pay much attention to it. The problem is, this is a song that is crying out to be performed by the one and only Mr 305, who brings with him the necessary level of awareness that what he’s doing is ridiculous.

Tom: Ha! You’re right, as well. With a bit of a production punch, and some suitably Spanish lyrics, I can actually see Pitbull making this work.

Tim: This Swedish duo just seem to be thinking “let’s put out a summer tune by mixing every single element we can think of.” The thing is, that could be okay, except (somewhat ironically, given the verses) they’ve completely ignored any semblance of recipe that might make this work.

Tom: Agreed. I’m not even sure it’s all in the same key.

Tim: I have given this considerably more thought than it probably deserves, and I will award it exactly 14%, with those few points being awarded solely for the chorus and potential. Other than that: nope.

Eurotix – Kiss Them For Me

“ARE YOU ON GLUE??”

Tim: Okay, this is an odd one. Sent in by Stefan, who directed the video, it’s a synth-driven pop song written from the point-of-view of Princess Diana.

Tom: What.

Tim: Now, we’ve talked about these guys a couple of times before, and the verdict was: music initially dull but improving, videos of a terrible first-year art-school quality.

Tom: Let’s get the bad out of the way first: that’s still a terrible video. Sorry, Stefan. “No one will ever be able to say that we take ourselves too seriously,” says the description, but that’s exactly what I’m saying: it still looks like an over-enthusiastic first year at art school.

Tim: Well my thought on reading that description was simply “…or indeed that we are anything other than batshit crazy.” I mean REALLY, COME ON. You’re singing from the perspective of a posthumous Princess Diana? ARE YOU ON GLUE??

Tom: Well, yes, there is that. Visually, they’ve shot for the moon and missed, and that means it looks really unprofessional. From a ‘selling records’ perspective they’d have been better off just sticking some static album art over the track.

But the music! It continues to improve: there’s some really nice composition here, good work on the synths, and a lovely middle eight.

Tim: Music, sure, it’s good, BUT THE LYRICS! HOW ARE YOU NOT TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS. They are singing from the perspective of A POSTHUMOUS PRINCESS DIANA – yes, I’ve repeated that from just a few lines ago, but HOW IS THAT NOT THE MAIN THING YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT TOM?

Tom: Because they all sort of just washed over my head. The song could stand to be a minute shorter; it could stand using some sounds that were invented after the 1980s; it could stand to not have that video. But it’s not bad.

Tim: POSTHUMOUS PRINCESS DIANA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Tom: I feel like we’re watching someone develop their composing and production skills, and it keeps getting a bit better each time.

Tim: And I feel like we’re watching someone slowly inching themselves towards being committed to a psych ward.

Jess Glynne – Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

“Have I reached Peak String Section?”

Tom: Our reader, Kirsten, sends this in, describing it as “a huge improvement on Jess Glynne’s previous singles”.

Tim: Oh this is interesting – can’t remember if I ever mentioned it, but I actually went to BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend this year, and I saw her perform this there.

Tom: This is the first time I’ve ever listened to a record and thought “that string section’s a bit much”. Have I reached Peak String Section? Is it just a bit too loud in the mix?

Tim: What? No, it’s fine. I mean, maybe it’s pushing the limits of how far any one instrument type will go before taking over, but, as we saw with Tove Ask’s track, there’s room for things to get far, far more out of hand.

Tom: Either way, this is a song begging to be used as the background to an inspiration montage on a talent show. That sounds a bit harsher than I meant it, I think: it’s a great track, the vocals are wonderful, and the message is wonderful.

Tim: Sounds harsh, maybe, but all the best songs are used on talent shows – disappointingly, no-one’s made a YouTube compilation of the number of times Snow Patrol’s Run has been used on The X Factor, though that might be because it’d break the length limit. In any case, you’re right, it could be used for that.

Tom: It’s just that I can already see the pre-appearance stock shots in my head, the subtle mix to the instrumental version as the editor cues up an interview section, and then timing it so that they start to walk out on stage just as the outro fires.

Tim: And shivers would be sent up every spine in the country.

Anna Naklab feat. Alle Farben & YOUNOTUS – Supergirl

“It’s a curious track, largely due to the lyrics.”

Tim: Anna’s a German singer who’s been a featured vocalist on a dance track before, but this is the first track with her name on the door, as it were. It’s a cover of a 2000 rock track, and it’s a bit lovely.

Tim: It’s a curious track, largely due to the lyrics. They’re interesting, in an “I Will Always Love You” fashion, because the main line is HAPPY and GREAT and SUPERGIRL, but actually it’s a bit grim. We’re just putting off everything that’s shit and hoping that we won’t have to deal with the inevitable fall out, pretending we don’t know what inevitable means.

Tom: Ah, the “Semi-Charmed Life” effect.

Tim: Pretty much, yeah, which in turn leads to further discrepancies in the lyrics; compounding that, though, we’ve subdued vocals throughout on top of high, happy and relaxing instrumental lines.

Tom: Yep: it’s the kind of thing that’s going to turn up on a “chilled dance” album at some point. Maybe not in the first CD, but it’ll still get picked for it. That’s probably harsher than I intended it to be.

Tim: Possibly, because it is that relaxing part that stand outs for me, and I love it. THANKS BEATS 1 FOR INTRODUCING IT TO ME YOU’RE GREAT!!

Saturday Flashback: Sigga Beinteins – Surrender

“That there sounds a WHOLE LOT BETTER”

Tim: RIGHT THEN. Remember yesterday, with Rebecka Karlsson’s track that turned out to be a not-quite-seamless cover? Yeah, well here’s the original, from Reykjavik Pride 2014. They do like their Pride songs in Scandinavia, don’t they?

Tim: And that there sounds a WHOLE LOT BETTER, and not just because it’s more of a unified track, actually.

Tom: A string section! Much better production! Oh, that’s fantastic time. Although I’m sure I’ve heard that guitar part in the intro somewhere before.

Tim: Yeah? Not sure I recognise it. But the rest, WELL. For a start, there’s the lead-in to the chorus which comes straight from Je Ne Sais Quoi, and anything that involves Hera Björk get ten points in my book. The same can be said for any dance track that brings in a key change – I’m happy to accept that on standard pop tracks they can be overused, but on a dance track like this, it’d be criminal not to have one.

Tom: Yep, I broke out into a big grin. Hearing the cover version first is weird: in my head, this is the “fixed” version, not the better original.

Tim: Well, either way, we’ve got twenty points out of ten already, and we’ve only looked at a few seconds of it. It’s got top notch strings on there as you’ve pointed out, and, most importantly, everything blends nicely. So sorry, Rebecka – I’ll be sticking with the original.