Polina Gagarina – A Million Voices

“The first ever non-winner to score over 300 points.”

Tim: We’ve covered the well-deserved winner of Saturday previously, but for a while on Twitter it seemed like every gay in Britain was taking to the bottle, realising they may have to go to Russia next year because of this second-placer.

Tom: Worth noting: on televotes only, Italy would have won — while the UK would have given 12 to Lithuania.

Tim: ​Whilst receiving…ah, just two points in total. Brilliant.

Tim: Russia’s an odd one – it has a fairly terrible human rights record, and has one of the least accepting viewpoints of homosexuality in the developed world. For some reason, though, they seem to believe that as long as they send an inspirational enough track to Eurovision such as this, Shine or What If, people might forget that for one night.

Tom: Which, apparently, it does. Because that is a decent song.

Tim: And, I suppose, it almost worked, with the first ever non-winner to score over 300 points. Didn’t stop them in the stadium, mind – cheers for the song, but booing aplenty every time the got 12 points, so much so that Polina had to be comforted by Conchita.

Tom: And there were a heck of a lot of rainbow flags in the audience during that song.

Tim: Aaanyway, all that aside, it’s a fairly good song? Very much one of the least-dreary ballads the night saw, certainly —

Tom: Although that’s not a high bar to clear.

Tim: True, but then it also benefited from being near-last in the running order and a camera that focusses almost entirely on her face or her being circled in some sort of halo – the rest of the people up there get barely fifteen seconds between them, so she’s got a perfect connection with the audience and transmit said inspirational track across. Perfect Eurovision ballad performance, really.

Saturday Reject: Contrazt – Heaven

“A female singer with lots of hairspray and big hand movements.”

Tim: Tonight’s the night! Just time for one more reject then, and with this from Norway let’s go back in time about twenty years.

Tom: Oh good heavens. A full brass section and crooning guitar; synchronised male instrumentalists behind a female singer with lots of hairspray and big hand movements. You’re right: this is mid-90s Eurovision.

Tim: That it most certainly is, bringing back memories of what Eurovision could be – instead of (spoiler for tonight) dreary ballad after ballad after ballad, we have lively songs, with orchestras and brass and electric guitars. I like that.

Tom: Agreed: these days, it sounds more like a daytime chat show introduction theme, but it’s still lovely. Brought a proper smile to my face in a way that most songs we have don’t.

Tim: What with it being twenty years out of its time, mind, it’s hardly surprising that it didn’t qualify for Norway’s final, but I can listen to it and think of the glorious Katrina days, so for that I’ll have it.

Death Team – Dolphin Style

“Give me an instrumental and I’ll put it on my playlist, but like this, it’s awful.”

Tom: We’ve had Gangnam Style and Dolly Style. Of course this was next.

Tim: It’s hard to write anything today after yesterday’s track, because most stuff seems just plain dull in comparison. This, though, is kind of on a different axis altogether.

Tim: But it’s quite interesting, isn’t it?

Tom: It is, and unexpectedly I really enjoy it — apart from the vocals. Which are…

Tim: Well, let’s start with repetitive, which is certainly true, along with the rest of it actually. I’m not really sure how to classify it, in terms of genre or anything else. According to the band, they’re “a cross between Abba and Eminem,” which is the most ridiculous statement I’ve heard in quite some time to be honest.

Tom: I can almost see where they’re going with that.

Tim: It’s catchy, mind, although I’ve listened to it a few times now and I’m not sure it’s a good kind of catchy, to be honest.

Tom: Here’s the thing: every bit of production on this is perfect. The composition and melody itself is great. The synth work is really interesting. It sounds almost like a really good videogame soundtrack — the kind of old 8-bit NES piece that, a quarter century later, still gets remixed by fans and performed at orchestral concerts.

Apart from those vocals. Heavens, those lyrics are terrible, and the childlike, repetitive voice is just plain annoying. Give me an instrumental and I’ll put it on my playlist, but like this, it’s awful.

Tim: Other thing about those lyrics: they make me wonder if I’ve been missing out on some sort of dolphin/borrowing stereotype all my life, and I don’t like self-doubt; for all those reasons, I’m afraid I’ll have to pass on this one, interesting as it may be.

Rachel Platten – Fight Song

“Absolutely, magically, wonderful.”

Tim: And now, for your delectation, the best Avril Lavigne song you’ve heard in years.

Tom: Huh. You’re not wrong about that. I think Rachel Platten might have better vocals than Avril Lavigne too, even if they’re not quite as forceful.

Tim: I heard it in the Supergirl trailer that got put out a few days ago, and bloody hell have I been listening to it a lot since, because it has EVERYTHING. A quiet start implying her initial reluctancy and lack of confidence, building up through a heavy-to-medium pre-chorus and then a big, BIG chorus that’s utterly brilliant.

Incidentally, the pretty good lyric video also picks up on that, with the verses and middle eight being in a lightweight font but the choruses a whole thicker.

Tom: It’s subtle things, like that, which separate decent lyric videos from the ones just quickly churned out.

Tim: One of my favourite parts is, much like with Cara Mia, that surprise return from the middle eight, where the lack of anything except the drums provides another impression of just how ready she is to fight, in case the rest of the song was so subtle that you’d not already figured that out.

Tom: The part that sticks out for me is what sounds like a call-and-response with herself in the verse — the kind of thing you can’t do live with only one voice, but that really works here.

Tim: Yes, and speaking of sort-of-backing vocals, those “ahhhh-ahhh” ones that come in under the pre-chorus are also fantastic. I do, though, have two tiny, tiny nitpicky bits: that the recorded vocals on “prove I’m alright” sound closer to “prove ’em all right” with its directly opposite meaning, so an emphasis on the “I” would be appreciated. And also I reckon “hear my voice this time” would be better with “sing out” or “shout out” or similar.

Tom: And I can’t hear “motion” and “ocean” rhyming without thinking of the Bloodhound Gang.

Tim: Ah, see, for me it’s Hairspray. But aside from those few tiny, tiny bits, then, this song is absolutely, magically, wonderful.

Beatrix Kiddo – Swipe

“Well, that’s TERRIBLE.”

Tim: “I feel like this song could have come out last year, and it’d still sound dated,” you said of Samir & Victor’s Groupie. Well, here’s a treat for YOU, because can you guess what the swiping in the title refers to?

Tom: Well, that’s TERRIBLE.

Tim: Ahahaha – you know, I watched that entire first verse with a massive grin on my face, purely because of how entirely awful it is but mostly because of the knowledge that you’d soon be watching it.

Tom: And the second verse is even worse. Fairly sure they won’t have cleared any of those celebrity photos, either.

Tim: And even if they didn’t, who in their right mind thinks Harry Styles is the ugly one compared to Ed Sheeran?

Moving on from that initial enjoyment, though, the pre-chorus wiped that right away because it’s just bloody terrible, but then the sax came back in and it’s actually got a very decent dance section in there, which surprised me somewhat.

Tom: Yep, I actually held out some hope when that sax sample showed up in the introduction. The thing is, switch the lyrics out a bit, bump the production up a couple of notches, and pretend that Mr Saxobeat never happened, and this might just have been a summer hit. As it is: sorry, Kiddo.

Tim: Oh. Oh, very good sir. But overall, I’m not sure what to think about it – yes, it’s for the most part awful, but I wouldn’t be completely surprised if it took off slightly over the summer.

Tove Styrke – Number One

“Slightly desperate sounding”

Tim: Here’s a lovely bit of pop for you:

Tim: Gentle to start, slight dip in enjoyability for the pre-chorus, but the chorus is great, with its (admittedly slightly desperate sounding) insistence that everybody love a number one.

Tom: It took me a long while to work out which bits were chorus, pre-chorus and verse: there’s multiple hooks in there, and they’re all pretty good. That introduction’s so gentle that it sounds out of place. And you’re right about that lyric sounding insistent.

Tim: It’s also not quite true, of course – of the seven UK number ones there have been this year, there are at least two that I have very much distinctly not loved – but it’s still a nice idea, and it certainly doesn’t stop the following na, na, nah etc bits being any less very very enjoyable.

Tom: And the vocals back it up, too. I don’t see it being a Massive Summer Hit, but I think that’s down to the style rather than any particular flaw in itself.

Tim: I like this variant of Tove Styrke a lot, so good work, to all involved in bringing it back.

Clean Bandit – Stronger

“A decent fusion of a lot of genres”

Tom: Nathan sends this in, with suspiciously enthusiastic text that makes me wonder whether he’s shilling for them. And the history’s a bit complicated here: it’s been released, re-recorded, and re-released. Still…

Tom: Now I wasn’t expecting to like this, partly because the band name sounds like the bad guys from Home Alone, and partly because that introduction sounded like a really disappointing early-2000s boyband track. But by the time the gospel choir kicked in, I was sold.

Tim: Yeah – at the 50 second mark I was thinking “nope, not for me,” but then it dropped in and then “huh, fairly good, as it happens.” Not something I’d put on to listen to casually, but yes, that’s good for now, as long as I chop it off before the dodgy bit comes back at the end.

Tom: It’s not perfect, not by a long way, and it’s not going to be a summer floor-filler. But as a decent fusion of a lot of genres, I reckon it works.

Saturday Reject: Erlend Bratland – Thunderstruck

Tim: So, you know how about three quarters of this year’s Eurovision’s entries are competent but dull ballads, including Norway’s?

Tom: Yep. It’s going to be a tough Eurovision.

Tim: Well, this came second for them, and it kind of starts out the same way.

Tim: I say kind of, because there’s always a hint of something a bit bigger underneath, and then for the pre-chorus, it’s confirmed.

Tom: It’s a long build, but it certainly pays off in the end. Not sure if the composition is quite up to the production, though.

Tim: That enormous voice of his is put to proper use, and then we hit the chorus proper and OH THE LIGHTS and THE BEATS and THE NOISE and THE JOY and then it never lets up until the end with THE SPARKING and THE GLORIOUS GLORY.

Tom: And the full orchestra! Don’t forget the full orchestra.

Tim: Stylistically it’s basically a dance mix of Norway 2010, and it’s just as fantastic, so WHY MUST ALL THE SONGS BE BALLADS???????

Tom: Because Conchita won last year, I’m guessing. Here’s to 2016.

Kastrup – Thieves

“A little out of the ordinary.”

Tim: We got sent this, from a new-ish Swedish duo made up of Timmie Strindberg (excellent first name) and Puppe Westberg (pretty good first name); it’s a little out of the ordinary, and I’m fairly sure you’ll find it interesting.

Tom: That’s one of the most promising introductions you’ve written for a while.

Tom: Huh. I’m not sure what to think of that. It’s different, certainly.

Tim: I like that a lot, if only because there’s not a lot else like it stylistically around at the moment – the closest I can think of is perhaps when The Killers worked with M83 – and it turns out I’m a big fan of indie rock as long as it’s got decent synth lines underneath it.

Tom: Agreed. I’ll put a vote in for the final chorus, but before that…

Tim: Having said all that: if I’m honest, there’s a lot more that could be done with this style – yes, the chorus at the end is very very excellent, and it builds up nicely throughout the song, but I’d love something a bit more memorable. I’ll describe this, then, as an incredibly promising start, because it’s got a very, very solid foundation to it. Just, maybe let’s have a bit more of the bits on top.

WDSTCK – So Free

“CHALLENGE for you”

Tim: CHALLENGE for you: listen to the first second of this and don’t start singing one particular pop song from 1999.

Tom: Well, that’s this song ruined for me.

Tim: I’ll be honest, that’s the main reason I chose it, along with the fact that the beginning of each chorus line reminds me of Madonna’s Music, the video of which I’ve just discovered has Ali G co-starring.

Tom: I really dislike that track, mainly because I remember seeing her perform it at Live 8, and she dragged that bloody “bourgeoisie and the rebel” line — perhaps one of the worst lyrics of that decade, and that’s saying something — out for about four minutes on its own. She can stuff that. Anyway.

Tim: Anyway indeed – back to this, shall we? Enough of similarities; how is it on its own? I’d say: fairly decent. Not overwhelming good, but certainly a very nice and fairly energetic backing track, and for that it’ll do me nicely.