Kim Wilde & Nik Kershaw – Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

“What does this add to the world?”

Tom: Despite the public only knowing one of her songs, Kim Wilde has had a pretty long career in music. Although apparently she’s a bit hard up at the moment, hence doing a load of adverts and putting out a Christmas album.

Tom: At this point, I’m just tempted to have a sign ready that just says “UNNECESSARY COVER”. What does this add to the world? A really cheesy outro line? An unnecessary video based on irritating people in a quiet carriage? A keytar? (Okay, so the keytar’s pretty good.)

Tim: Yeah, unnecessary’s probably a good word, especially since it’s hard to distinguish much between this and the one she did twenty-odd years ago.

Tom: Yes – the Mel Smith dedication at the end is based on the first time that Kim put this single out. It was for Comic Relief, and it’s terrible even by the standards of the era. Even without the Rolf Harris reference.

Tim: Though the video, it’s worth noting, is most likely inspired by her slightly inebriated antics of last December, so it’s nice to know she can at least laugh at herself slightly.

The KFC Choir – The Taste That Unites

AND THEN THE GOSPEL CHOIR EMERGED.

Tim: Last year, we did the John Lewis advert. Two years back, The Churned. 2010, Shakeaway. We therefore have form for one advert a year, so WE’RE DOING THIS.

Tom: And as is traditional, I’ll be handing the reins entirely over to Tim for this one, because I’m not even clicking that link.

Tim: Fine. Be like that.

Tim: First off, let’s ignore the fact that any family that has KFC for their main Christmas meal deserves to be force-fed nothing but said eleven herbs and spices until they vomit herbs and crap spices all over the kitchen floor. And now that’s said, assume (or at least please try to pretend) we’re happy with the idea of KFC for Christmas. Yes? Oh, of course, you’re pretending you’re not listening.

I’ll be honest with you: by two minutes in I was already entranced by this advert. AND THEN THE GOSPEL CHOIR EMERGED. And oh my word, I haven’t heard such a glorious key change since, oh, to be honest I’ve not kept track but flipping heck that wonderful isn’t it? ISN’T IT? You don’t need to answer, because YES.

But of course, it’s not all about the (wonderful) music, there’s the lyrics as well, especially with this being a ‘comedy’ song. And that’s where it (slightly) falls down. Yes, they got in jokes about childhood incontinence, and the current culture of litigation, so well done because those are quite good. But somehow they didn’t realise that “let’s come together at Christmas time” might just possibly, slightly, maybe, in a comedy song, be misconstrued a little bit.

Anyway, deliberate or otherwise, I love it. Christmas is about commercialism, and this is it. Wonderfully, this is it.

Tom: Congratulations, Tim. You’ve found the true spirit of Christmas. We can all go home now.

Leona Lewis – I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day

“This had better be rollicking.”

Tim: The first week of December last year, we filled with new Scandinavian Christmas tunes. This year, let’s start by looking at this side of the North Sea with this, one of the tracks off her Christmas album that’s out today.

Tom: Really? She’s going to cover one of the most iconic British Christmas songs there is? This had better be rollicking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LGe8Ctc6jo

Tim: First of, the big thing: it’s not Wizzard feat. Roy Wood. Of course it isn’t, and if you’re anything like me, at eight seconds in you thought “oh, what the [rude word]* has she done to this, and what the [rude word] is that weird dog thing?” Thirty eight seconds later, you thought, “Oh, THIS is what she’s done (though that is still a weird dog thing).”

*I’ve said that in anger before. This does not, remotely, deserve that sort of anger.

Tom: That’s pretty much my thought process, apart from recognising the weird dog thing as, well, a dog.

Tim: Bloody weird dog, though. So the trick to covering a song: capturing the essence. The main thing.

Tom: Ooh, now I disagree there. There are some spectacular covers that completely change the original (Pulp’s All Time High comes to mind) — but I’ll grant you that, if you’re covering something this iconic and well-known, you have to either change it entirely or you have to be faithful enough that you even keep in the little twiddly bits of instrumentation that were probably improvised by the original band.

Does that makes sense? Anyway, I’m glad to say: she’s at least managed that. Is this cover necessary? No. Is it passable? Well, yes. It’s not actually bad.

Tim: Well, you say she’s managed it, but the main thing with the original here was the kids choir, and the “Okay, you lot, take it!” Now, we’re in a post-Yewtree social media era, so that’s slightly #awkward…

Tom: That is actually the single worst sentence you’ve ever written for this site. Worse than the Barrowman moment.

Tim: Hmm. I’d say it’s currently tied with the synagogue line, actually. But moving speedily back to CHRISTMAS and HAPPINESS, this could still be improved with kids, however much you, Tom, hate them.

On the other hand, there is the glorious closing line that Roy Wood just could not match if he spent a decade trying, and the fact that this really is the best ‘classic’ Christmas tune of the lot, whatever the Pogues or Gary Glitter fanatics would have you believe, so, God I’m damned if I can find a real flaw in this. It’s WONDERFUL.

Saturday Flashback: Katie Watkins – Not To Blame

“Comforting and just, well, nice.”

Tom: So after listening to that load of folk-rock gubbins you sent through for Thursday, Tim, SoundCloud decided to play this track at me. It was like a pleasant, refreshing sorbet after a somewhat chewy, bland main course.

Tom: And isn’t that lovely? Soaring strings. Gorgeous voice. Nothing particularly too imaginative about that chord progression or melody, but that’s not what I was looking for: I was just hoping for an enjoyable song.

Tim: Hmm. I’d not heard of ‘baroque pop’ before I saw the tags for this. Interesting. Can’t disagree with anything you’ve said, really (except for the ‘gubbins’ insult).

Tom: The only bit I don’t like, oddly, is the actual “not to blame” melody, which sticks in my craw a little.* I know that it’s an effect that songwriters go for, the whole “suspend the key lyric over a quiet bit at the end, like a diving board dangling over a swimming pool” thing, but it just stuck out here amidst a song that’s otherwise comforting and just, well, nice.

*That’s totally an actual thing people say.

Tim: I think “comforting and just, well, nice” kind of sums this up – decent enough chorus, gentle and unexcitable verse, but nothing particularly rousing. Which is fine, and you’re right, those strings can be singled out as a high point, but, yeah. Comforting and just, well, nice.

Icona Pop – Just Another Night

New video from Icona Pop for you.

Tim: New video from Icona Pop for you.

Tom: Blimey. They can sing.

Tim: Yeah, I didn’t write much in the intro because I didn’t want to spoil that for you; I’m guessing it’s not remotely what you expected?

Tom: Not at all.

Tim: They played it when I saw them live; it wasn’t a massive crowd-pleaser, but I’m not surprised they’ve made a video for it, just to demonstrate that they’re not just shouty girls but are actually talented singers. It still is a bit shouty, because that’s what makers them them, bit it’s probably as close as we’ll get to an Icona Pop ballad any time soon.

Tom: And you know what? I want more like this. Icona Pop’s regular style is always a bit too shouty and dissonant for me: this is brilliantly realised, wonderfully melodic, and just plain pleasant to listen to.

Tim: You say that, and it is, but I don’t really know when I’d ever choose to put it on: if I want Icona Pop stuff, this isn’t it, and if I want ballads, I wouldn’t put this on my playlist. So I’m going back to my earlier theory: to prove that they’re not just shouty. And for that, it works.

Caroline Røste – Now’s The Time

“Massive drumbeats and a gentle guitar.”

Tim: If we’re describing Emmelie de Forest and the like as putting out folk-pop, fancy some of its slightly rowdier sibling, folk-rock?

Tom: Yes please: that can be a pretty damn good genre when it’s done right.

https://soundcloud.com/robbwhiteman1/caroline-r-ste-nows-the-time

Tim: Massive drumbeats and a gentle guitar, topped off with a nice soulful vocal that’s all about moving on and developing. Favourite part: the ooh-OOH parts in the chorus, which are great for randomly joining in with out of nowhere and scaring fellow commuters.

Tom: Well done there, Tim. How many funny looks did you get?

Tim: Not sure – was in the drivers seat on the DLR at the time, so looking round to see would have been irresponsible.

Tom: Now that said, the ooh-OOH parts just didn’t work for me: they just seemed repetitive and not particularly tuneful.

Tim: Gosh, what an, erm, interesting opinion. Because I think all of the song is really very enjoyable, the production’s basically flawless and the vocal line sits perfectly on top of it; I’d say this is probably one of the best songs of its genre you’ll find.

Tom: Huh. Now that’s where I disagree. There are some quite lovely parts, particularly that middle eight, but it just doesn’t pull together for me.

Tim: Whether the genre’s your particular cup of tea, or whether or not you’re in the mood for it, is obviously not for me to say, though I will say that if you don’t like this at all then you’re wrong. Because it’s great.

Tom: There’s some good folk-rock out there, but this isn’t it.

Tim: WRONG.

Danny Rossing – Terrified

“A pretty good pop song”

Tim: This is is the sort of lyric video you get when your designer (a) doesn’t realise there are exceptions to the rule “ultra-light text is the way forward” and (b) can’t count the number of times you sing “na”. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Tom: Oh, man, that is infuriating.

Tim: So, stock footage from various cities around the world, with apparent product placement for, of all things, a Broadway musical; throw in some scenic shots as well, plenty of illegible and incorrect text and you’ve got yourself a cheap lyric video.

Tom: What you’ve got, there, is an almost-competent designer that — I’d guess — never sat back and took a look at the big-picture of what the video looked like.

Tim: You’ve also got, it seems, a pretty good pop song that stands up very well to multiple listens, with a couple of decent hooks, a nice amount of brass here and there.

Tom: Now, perhaps it’s the repetition of the music video’s clips, but I found that it went on for a bit too long, even at three and a half minute.

Tim: The damp patch at the start of the middle eight is, like many damp patches, a bit of a pain but not too much bother really, so all in, this is a damn good track.

Tom: Whoa, hold on, the start of the middle eight? That piano break is wonderful, and a welcome change of pace: but the second part, the return to normality, it just unnecessary. You’re really calling that first bit a “damp patch”?

Tim: Well, yes, because what I really like about this is the vibrancy and the energy that’s around. I get your point about it being wonderful, because it is lovely but it just seems somewhat out of place.

It also, of course, provides an excellent opportunity for a sci-fi rom-com soundtrack, simply by pretending he’s actually singing “erasing” rather than “a race in”. Again, YOU’RE WELCOME.

Christina Perri – Human

“Breathtaking, I think is the word you’re looking for.”

Tim: Have this, the lead single off the Jar of Hearts hitmaker’s second album.

Tom: Blimey, “the Jar of Hearts hitmaker”? Have you been taking cliché classes from the NME?

Tim: Breathtaking, I think is the word you’re looking for. The one specific thing that stuck out at me throughout this: the echo.

Tom: “Reverb” is the technical term. Almost always a digital effect these days.

Tim: I don’t think I’ve ever noticed a singer’s voice properly echoing before – I don’t know if it’s something that just never been done or if it’s particularly audible here, with the massive voice and tiny backing, but I quite like it.

Tom: It’s used everywhere, because it adds depth and warmth to vocals that might otherwise seem clinical. You’re noticing it here because the track is mixed to emphasise the vocal far more than most pop music is.

Tim: I’ll confess I was initially disappointed by that build to the first chorus because no track should really be allowed to do that and then just stop, unless – UNLESS – it’s there solely to draw attention to a fantastic and flawless vocal. Oh, look what it did. WONDERFUL.

Tinie Tempah feat. John Martin – Children of the Sun

There’s the chorus. Which is just glorious.

Tim: “I know, I know, it’s rap,” he said a couple of days ago as if it was banned. Not necessarily, so here’s some more. This is, you’ll notice, a lyric video; there’s an actual video but we’re having this for two reasons I shall mention in due course.

Tim: Firstly, the proper one features a lot of people staring directly at a solar eclipse, which is very dangerous and a terrible example to set, so obviously we shouldn’t have that.

Tom: I was going to be all sarcastic about that but, actually, seriously, that’s a really stupid thing to put in a video for all ages.

Tim: Secondly the fun thing about this lyric video is that it omits all the rude words; I suppose that’s a good thing but it does mean that reading along with him rapping serves only to draw attention to the missing words, and what has suddenly become my favourite line which I’d not noticed before: “I told my bro to call an ambulance cos I caught a cold and went spazz on em.”

Tom: Bloody hell. I can see why that got censored out. In fact, I’m wondering whether we should have done the same.

Tim: Nah. And as for the rest of it? The rapping is, well, good if that’s your thing and perhaps not so much otherwise, though I can’t help feeling that some of the cultural references may well date it fairly quickly (or, in the case of the Harry/Vegas line, make it already seem five years old).

Tom: It took me a while to place that reference even now. Tinie’s style isn’t my favourite, but he’s clearly got skill — and the fans to prove it.

Tim: And along with all that, there’s the chorus. Which is just glorious, and exactly why I love it so much. Because yes, after a while, the non-stop spoken stuff coming at you can get a bit too much, but you know it’s worth it because that chorus is coming back, and when it does it’s just great.

Saturday Flashback: Xzibit feat. Young De – End of the World

“This one’s a bit different.”

Tom: I know, I know, it’s rap. We don’t normally cover anything like this. But this one’s a bit different.

Tim: Hmm. Is it?

Tom: It is, and here’s why: it was designed, from the hook to the lyrics, to appeal to the mainstream. It’s off a double-album called “Urban Ammo”, created by rapper (and US Pimp My Ride host) Xzibit for use as production music: for film soundtracks, movie trailers, and wherever they can’t afford to license Big Commercial Tracks.

Tim: “Urban Ammo”. Yes.

Tom: So if, listening to this, you thought “huh, this isn’t usually my thing”, then you’re right: this is marketed not at folks who actually buy ‘proper’ rap music, but at middle-American cinemagoers and TV-watchers. Note there wasn’t a single word in it that had to be censored. It’s all the style, without the substance.

Tim: “Style”. Interesting choose of word.

Tom: But what style.

Tim: Oh, we’re sticking with it. Okay.

Tom: First of all, that is an absolutely amazing hook. Second: it’s Xzibit. This isn’t some two-bit has-been or never-was: the man can rap.

Tim: Second, yes. But first, really? There’s a hook, sure, but is it amazing? It’s just a guy speaking instead of rapping, though admittedly with vaguely melodic inflections here and there. Potentially with the piano underneath it could be, but I’d want something vastly more melodic before it could be described as ‘amazing’.

Tom: Huh. Given that you’ve been in favour of some rather… tuneless tracks in the past (Icona Pop’s I Love It, for example), I’m surprised this doesn’t qualify for you.

Tim: Well, if you remember, I didn’t hugely like that when I first heard it, but then Icona Pop’s later releases were so good that I ended up listening to it quite a bit and it grew on me a lot. Can’t see the same thing happening here.

Tom: This, I reckon, could’ve been a proper Top 40 commercial track given a bit of remixing and some good marketing. Instead: you’ll hear it in the background of films and TV shows somewhere, filling in where otherwise there’d be silence.