Tim: NO.
Tom: Sometimes, Tim, a track comes along that is so damn terrible that we have to have a two minutes’ hate towards it. Or in this case, a four minutes and twenty seven seconds’ hate.
Tim: PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME HEAR THIS AGAIN.
Tom: Wait, you’ve already heard it? How? I wasn’t aware that any radio station anywhere had bothered to play it.
Tim: Oh, it got linked to with an accompanying warning along the lines of “If you listen to this you will die”, and then I thought “oh, it can’t be that bad” and three minutes later thought “well that was an understatement and a half”.
Tom: This is a pretty terrible way to mark a 25th anniversary.
Tim: Oh, really? You think? Because I can’t think of many worse things, unless someone happened to set fire to a synagogue on 8th May 1970.
Tom: Wow. I mean… wow. I… that may be the worst thing you’ve ever written.
Tim: Tasteless? Utterly. Undeserved? Not at all.
Tom: Mind you, the odd thing is that the remix part is pretty good. Unnecessary, sure, but modernising a track like this isn’t uncommon, and sometimes it produces a work of genius (for example, the Groovefinder remix of Satellite of Love from a few years back). This isn’t quite that good, but there’s nothing wrong with it.
Tim: True. There’s also nothing wrong with the Darth Maul fight in The Phantom Menace. But then there’s Jar Jar Binks, midichlorians and just about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE FILM. AND THIS SONG.
Tom: Actually, there are issues with that fight, but that’s an issue for another time. Anyway, then there’s Pitbull. He’s unnecessary – not just in this track, just in terms of existence. He’s even product-placing in the middle of this. Is there such a thing as a music license? If so, can we revoke his?
Tim: Unfortunately not, largely because you’d have to stretch the definition of music a very, very long way to get it even close to Pitbull.
Tom: Michael Jackson must be spinning in his grave. Or moonwalking, anyway.