Puls – Ild I Mit Liv

“Danish rapping inherently sounds a little bit funny to the British ear”

Tim: You’ll be pleased to know that, unlike their previous effort, this video does not contain any images of violence or torture. Although it does feature a girl in a wedding dress, so Tom, you may want to brace yourself.

Tom: As long as she’s not trying to chase me down, I think I can stand it.

Tim: Still not sure what it is with these guys – normally, as we all know, I hate rapping verses, even if they are backed up by a decent chorus and that lot. But for some reason, I’ve never had that problem with this act.

Tom: Once I’ve got over the fact that Danish rapping inherently sounds a little bit funny to the British ear – or at least to my British ear – this works remarkably well.

Tim: Maybe it’s that they’re an actual duo rather than a soloist featuring another one, or it might just be that they can consistently put out good tracks like this.

Tom: Unfortunately, about half way through the song I started hearing “Ild I Mit Liv” as “Ally McBeal”, and the whole thing sort of fell apart for me from there.

Tim: Oh, God.

Tom: Good track, sadly derailed by my own easily-distracted brain.

Tim: Hang on – I think I’ve just lost something. Oh, right. ANY RESPECT I ONCE HAD FOR YOU. But anyway, whatever the reason for my enjoyment, though, I’m happy.

Tom: So am I, but alas for different reasons.

Booty Luv – Black Widow

Tom: This takes a long time to build, but it’s worth every second.

Tim: A long to to build fully, sure, but it’s not as though there’s quiet stuff to start with – there’s enough to qualify as a Competent Track right from the outset.

Tom: I reckon that the first three minutes of this might be the first Big Proper Dance Track of the year. It ticks all the right boxes: long euphoric build, amazingly danceable, decent hook. It’s not going to be belted out by everyone, but it’ll keep the dancefloor moving.

Tim: There, you could well be alright. A slight shame about the last ninety seconds, though.

Tom: Yep. Suddenly it goes all drum and bass, then you’ve got a long repeating outro in a different style. I have no idea where that comes from, and I don’t reckon it works.

Tim: I don’t know, it’s not too bad. Sure, it sort of comes from nowhere in a slightly disjointed way, but it’s slightly perfectly danceable.

Tom: And as for that video: I think it manages to make pretty much everyone look bad. Unnecessary lingerie and cleavage: check. Poisoning someone’s drink: check. Some kind of bizarre plot thread that doesn’t quite make sense: check. Almost makes me wish for a cheap “footage of them performing” video, really.

Tim: Since when did you complain about unnecessary cleavage? Though yes, you’re spot on with the rest.

Saturday Flashback: Vengaboys – Kiss (Airscape Remix)

That’s a remix? Really?

Tom: You’ll remember the Vengaboys’ suitably ridiculous Kiss, of course.

Tim: I do, yes. It’s about a minute longer than it needs to be, but it’s a good track.

Tom: It’s a good, cheesy pop track in itself. But I offer this remix for two reasons: first, to show just how much a track can be changed and still count as a remix; and second, because it’s some of the best euphoric trance I’ve ever heard.

Tim: That’s a remix? Really?

Tom: Now bear in mind it’s a seven-minute track meant to go inside a DJ set – I don’t want you shouting “it should be three minutes long” at me.

Tim: Absolutely not – I’m more than happy for dance tracks to be lengthy, especially if they’re as good as this.

Tom: The funny thing is, I’m normally quite good at tracking songs that sound like each other – and while, yes, you can fit the chorus of “Kiss” over the top of the main melody here, most of this seems to be original material.

Tim: Well, to be honest I’m not sure I can hear any of it in there. You’re right, you can put the chorus on top, but I’d imagine that sounding more like a mash up than anything else.

Tom: Not that I’m complaining: it’s really good original material.

Tim: It really is.

Leo Leoson – The Contemporary Dancer

‘What it is this song about?’

Tim: We got sent this a while ago, but in my disorganised manner I’ve only just got round to listening to it; apologies to Leo, because it is in fact rather good.

Tom: A quick viewer warning for scenes of torture and strange violence in the video, and not-particularly-enunciated profanity in the lyrics.

Tim: First things first: that annoying bit in the middle with his head under water.

Tom: That’s how you stop people ripping it off YouTube.

Tim: It is, yes, but fortunately I’ve found a way past it. You just need to grab a big bowl of water yourself, put your head in it, and press play. A minute forty five later, pull your head out for twenty seconds, and then you won’t notice anything. Sorted.

Tom: Genius. But never mind that, I want to know how his shirt stayed on while she’s dragging him across the ground like that.

Tim: Now you mention it, it is a slightly disturbing video; annoyingly I can’t really make out a lot of the lyrics so I’ve got no idea if it’s justified. According to his e-mail, “People often ask me: ‘What it is this song about?’… Those are questions of no importance to me. Nothing really matters until you actually feel the heartbeat of the singers voice”, so I thought it would be a bit rude to ask him. It seems to fit well with the tone of the music, though, so I’ll let it pass.

Tom: Yep, other than the occasional bit of possibly-swearing I’m not sure I could make much of it out.

Tim: The actual music, though, is quite good. A tad depressing, a bit low-key, but as a depressing low-key song it works well. I for one certainly want to go into my bathroom and start…

Tom: Don’t finish that sentence, Tim. Just… just don’t.

Tim: Spoilsport.

The Script – If You Could See Me Now

Let’s analyse quite how this was both the funniest and most awful thing on TV.

Tim: It’s Danny from The Voice, rapping!

Tom: Oh, blimey. I think you’d get more support if you said “It’s chlamydia!”.

Tim: You say that, and you’re probably right – the studio version’s fairly terrible; discussing that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, though, as discussing last Friday’s live performance with Graham Norton, which can safely be described as horrifically terrible..

Tim: Now, let’s analyse quite how this was both the funniest and most awful thing on TV that week. Sure, there’s his ‘rapping’, whose agressive tone really, really doesn’t work with the nice guy image he worked up on The Voice.

Tom: At some point he turns into his own hype man too, as his guitarist takes over lead vocal duties, and he’s rejected to… well, dancer?

Tim: Well, exactly. Mostly it’s the, well, choreography, if you can call it that, because what a train wreck that was. Right from the start we have a dilemma in his mind: “should I use my arms as props and demo objects? Or should I wave them around to demonstrate emotion? Oh, bollocks, I’ve pretended I’ve got a tattoo now, so I’ll have to keep going with that, except there’s nothing in the rest of the song that really works like that. Can I grab the mike like I normally do? No, that’ll be obvious that I was unprepared. Well, I guess it’d better be emotion then. Let’s make it INTENSE. Oh, and here’s the chorus, phew! I can be a proper singer and hold the microphone. Hmm. Arms seem to have a habit of waving now; that’ll wear off, though.”

Tom: Hang on, readers, Tim’s off on one.

Tim: “Right, second verse, this isn’t me, I can stand back and relax. Aah, this is nice. OH SHIT, I’m the lead singer, of course I can’t bloody relax! What was I thinking?! Oh GOD, this is awful. Right, let’s just stand here and repeat some of the words for a bit, see if I can string that out. Yep, we’re okay. Although is this a bit dull? Erm, maybe I can wave a bit, and CLAPPING. That works! Right, still dull, I need to do something. I know, I’ll walk around a bit. Check on the drummer, how’s he do— yep, you’re fine. Bass guitar? Also good. Bit more clapping, then. Aaaand, here’s the chorus, made it. Jesus Christ, why did I ever do this. Oh GOD, and now my arms have got a life of their own, I CAN’T STOP THEM WAVING. HELP ME.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that was guest writer Danny from The Voice.

Tom: Thanks.

Tim: You’re welcome.

The Risk – Missiles

“This could be brilliant if it weren’t for those wubs.”

Tom: How many people will still remember the Week 5 rejects from 2011 X Factor, I wonder?

Tim: Bloody hell, that was quick – a video uploaded less than a week after the show finished.

Tom: 2011, Tim. Which doesn’t say much for your memory.

Tim: Oh, thank God – I was wondering how I’d managed to forget them in less than three months. Erm, but still, pretty much no-one.

Tom: And a quick warning: someone’s pushed the WUB WUB WUB button on their production console.

Tom: This could be brilliant if it weren’t for those wubs.

Tim: Oh. Oh, I like that. And actually, I disagree. Certainly for the first part, if it wasn’t for those, this would be standard boyband dirge without decent writers. With them, there is at least a distinctive sound.

Tom: There’s the timpani roll during the bridge, the euphoric build, everything gearing up for a triumphant final chorus… and instead we get some WUBs, some only-vaguely-harmonised lyrics and and a slow outro.

Tim: There, I completely agree – that closing part is practically a crime against pop. I still stand by my first point, but God, what a let down that is.

Tom: Also: “We’re like missiles in the sky. We go up, up, up […] we blow up, up, up.” Not quite sure about that metaphor, lads.

Miss 600 – Dance With You

Old instrumentation and modern production values.

Tom: Second single from this Derby-based duo: we covered their previous one and thought that, while the lyrics weren’t that good, the combination of old instrumentation and modern production values worked very well.

Tom: So here’s the thing: this time, that exact same combination doesn’t work for me. Perhaps it’s the extra tempo, or the modern vocal style, but it almost seems like someone’s tried to recreate music from a few decades ago… and missed.

Tim: Hmm. My view’s pretty much as it was before; nice enough, but not really what I’d ever listen to.

Tom: I loved this for the first 90 seconds or so, and then I thought “okay, that’s probably enough now”. Is it just that I’m used to glitzy, no-attention-span, three-hooks-before-the-chorus modern pop?

Tim: Probably. I certainly am, and as far as I’m concerned that’s a perfectly valid type of music to be used to. Better than valid, in fact – brilliant.

Tom: The vocals are pitch-perfect; the song is competent; it just hasn’t quite pulled together yet. I still reckon there’s a cracking single in there waiting to come out, though.

Tim: Again, probably. I, though, will for now stick with Miss Inga, and be very happy that way.

Krista Siegfrids – Marry Me

BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP GET OUT GET OUT

Tom: Our regular reader, Roger, writes in with this contender to represent Finland at Eurovision, which last Thursday got sent straight through to their final. “I actually was in Finland when they aired their first preshow,” he says. “This made me lift may head and smile… you can see the same reaction from the jury”.

Now, maybe it’s just my crippling fear of commitment rearing its head, but my general reaction to this track was NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Tom: The track’s not bad, I guess, but oh my word, the lyrics. I can’t even write about them without my sentences ending with something like BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP GET OUT GET OUT.

Tim: In the chorus…what’s she singing in that repeating bit? The line after it is clearly “I’d do it for you”, but it really really sounds like something else.

Tom: I don’t know, because I’m too terrified by “If you run away, I’m going to find you anywhere.” EJECT EJECT EJECT.

Tim: That’s your main beef? Not “ah oh, ah oh uh ding dong”?

Tom: That doesn’t have terrifying, wedding-dress-wearing stalking overtones.

Tim: Fair point, and now you mention that line, the suggestion of doubt that it implies doesn’t quite match with proposing to her boyfriend whilst wearing her wedding dress. WHO DOES THAT?

Tom: I KNOW.

Saturday Flashback: Nica & Joe – Euphoria

Tim: Eurovision selection is already well underway, and we’ll probably start throwing around our annual choice of Saturday Rejects soon, but first off let’s have a listen to this intriguing cover of 2012’s winner.

Tom: Blimey. I did not expect most of an orchestra to appear there.

Tim: Interesting, isn’t it? Nica (not her real name) is Polish, Joe (his real name) is American, and together they came third in German X Factor 2011, and are competing to represent Germany in Malmö. They’ve got a couple of albums out (Spotify), largely consisting of operatic versions of popular tracks.

Tom: It’s always tricky doing something like this: if you don’t get the tone exactly right, you end up doing by accident what Max Raabe did deliberately. The only part of this that doesn’t really work, though, is the “up-up-up”; the stuttering would probably work better as one long, held note.

Tim: I don’t know, I think it works. Other highlights include an Il Divo-esque version of There You’ll Be and a rather rather fantastic cover of David Guetta’s Titanium, but I’ve chosen this one because (a) it’s the only one on YouTube, (b) it’s Eurovision and (c) I wish to express my disappointment that one of them didn’t sit back and let the other do this as a solo, because then we could have called it a Eupharia.

Tom: Oh. Oh, well done.

Darin – So Yours

This is a different new single.

Tim: You’ll remember (I hope) that yesterday we featured Darin’s new single, Playing With Fire. This, though, is a different new single, targeted squarely away from Scandinavia, by which I mean it’s being released in Germany, and isn’t even on his new album for any Scandinavian people. Weird, yes, but there you go.

Tom: Advance warning: this isn’t the best quality single, and it cuts off a bit too early – but it’s all we’ve got right now.

Tim: So, as far as northern Europe is concerned, Darin has moved to being a bit darker and drum’n’bassier. For everyone else, though, he’s staying firmly put in the pop bracket. And I’ll be honest: I prefer this a lot.

Tom: Damn right. The dark drum-and-bass didn’t fit him well – this is some damn good pop. What’s your reasoning?

Tim: Mainly because it sounds like a textbook good One Direction single, which we all know I’m not remotely averse to – the opening is in fact remarkably similar to Live While We’re Young, but that’s by no means a bad thing (especially since it means it’s got guitars).

Tom: Let the guitars go, Tim.

Tim: Oh, fine. Quite why we’ve got this strange genre-split is beyond me—if you’re branching out, why go with a sound that isn’t you?—but I’d rather have one track I really liked and one track I’m half and half with than just the latter, so let’s hope this does well. Although if we could have a decent version online at some point rather than a horribly compressed fan upload, that’d be nice, and also get rid of the fade-out ending. THANK YOU.

Tom: It’ll get a lyric video sooner or later.