Saturday Flashback: Shirley’s Angels – I Thought It Was Forever

Shirley’s an interesting lady.

Tim: This was Shirley Clamp’s (who headlined at previously mentioned Europop night) most recent entry into Melodifestivalen, in 2011. (She’s the one in the middle.)

Tom: I’m sorry I missed her performance: in my defence, I had to be in Slough at 7am the next morning.

Tim: Now, Shirley’s an interesting lady. Since you left early, here are a few highlights:

– she believes I Will Always Love You is a very uplifting song, and so clearly doesn’t believe in thinking about the lyrics of songs she plans to sing.
– she seems somewhat breast-infatuated; for example, the person who sang along loudest a medley, she said, “is allowed to feel my right booby”, and he duly was.
– following that, she worried that “my left tittie is feeling a bit unloved now”
– finally, she shared with us the fact that just a few hours before this performance she gave birth, and that as she entered the last chorus here, with her baby backstage, she started lactating and pretty much ruined her dress.

Tom: You’ll be happy to know that at least one of those moments of breast infatuation made it to YouTube.

Tim: Ah, good – now the world can see. Anyway, lactation and somewhat mediocre staging aside, this is a pretty good tune. Bit repetitive towards the ends, possibly, but it does have a nice key change to lift it up a bit, and that’s all we really need from a good entry.

Tom: Can’t argue with that: it’s catchy enough, although I can see why it didn’t make it through.

Tim: Oh, and finally from that night, I am appalled that you genuinely didn’t know that the Saturday Night dance routine has five sections to it.

Tom: I never learned Saturday Night. Or the Macarena, come to that. I was a stubborn youth.

Tim: Appalled.

Boys Like Girls – Be Your Everything

It’s towards the cheesy end of pop punk

Tim: Now, this track doesn’t really belong on this blog, because they’re not remotely Europop, they’re not even European and in fact they haven’t really spawned any interest whatsoever outside of North America.

Tom: Hey, we did the Offspring last week. Roll with it.

Tim: Oh, I plan to – I heard their song Love Drunk when I lived in Canada and have been a bit of a fan ever since. This is their first new song in a while, accompanied by what I think is the most impressive lyric video we’ve seen yet.

Tom: Lyric videos, as an Official Thing, are only two years old – but my word, have they ever spread quickly. They’re a quick way to get a video onto YouTube without needing anything more than a one-or-two-person team. A pre-music-video video. No-one saw that coming.

Tim: Yes, it’s towards the cheesy end of pop punk…

Tom: Pop punk?!

Tim: That’s…quite an exclamation, given the limits of plain text.

Tom: If this is punk, then so is bloody Nickelback. These guys are rock. Maybe power pop. But there’s no way in hell they’re punk. The Vandals are pop punk. Green Day are pop punk. This lot? Not a chance.

Tim: Well, take your argument to Wikipedia. Anyway, if it wasn’t cheesy like it is then I probably wouldn’t like it as much – in fact, one of my favourite things about them is their habit of putting key changes in their songs, despite the fact that they’re Just Not Done in this type of music.*

* Theory of a Deadman (known vaguely in the UK for their 2008 song Hate My Life) are also quite good at this.

Tom: Someday, I’d like to hear a death metal band attempt a key change.

Tim: That’d be lovely. But here, part of me is annoyed, because if a song’s first line is about how you can’t tell a girl you love her, surely it has to end with you actually saying it, no? But still, it’s not like he’s leaving much doubt as to his feelings so it’s not so bad.

Tom: It did take me a few seconds to work out that the “four letter word” he’s referring to in the first line is “love”. I had other words in mind.

Tim: Overall, this is one reason for me to keep liking them, so I’m happy with it.

Molly Sandén – Unchained

“This is lovely, you see.”

Tim: One side of her new double A-side release (though surely there’s a better term we could be using for that now).

Tom: “Cheating”? If I remember my chart rules properly – although they may have changed now – it means that downloads of the second track get counted as downloads of the first for chart purposes, in the UK at least. As if the charts weren’t a lie already.

Tim: Ooh, biting words there. Anyway, that is what this is.

Tim: This is lovely, you see, because it starts off a tad downbeat after a breakup, but that chorus is just full of energy as it reveals she’s actually happy about it, really she is, and then when it comes in for the final part it’s all sorts of upbeat and cheeful, and you just can’t help becoming all “I won’t go back, I’m better now” with a great bit dollop of “let’s go for it” on the side. Erm, that ended up being a fairly long sentence; anything you’d like to say?

Tom: It’s nice to see a break-up song that’s neither a diss track nor a ‘I’m sorry, please take me back’. It’s about as positive as a break-up song can possibly be. I very much approve.

What’s the other A-side like, anyway?

Tim: Well, it’s called Mirage and it’s worth checking out for her fantastic singing in the choruses, but not for much else, unfortunately, as she heads off in the other direction following a different breakup. Or perhaps the same breakup, and we have here a dual release to accompany a dual personality.

Tom: Maybe it’s an album entirely of breakup songs. Maybe she’s Adele in disguise.

Cascada – Summer of Love

Let’s TICK SOME BOXES, people.

Tom: Okay, people. It’s summer, and we have a Eurodance act with a few hits behind them, who need a box-ticking summer CHOON. Let’s TICK SOME BOXES, people.

Tim: Here’s an idea that no-one’ll possibly see coming: you be sensible with this idea and I’ll be a bit silly with the video.

Tom: Standard Eurodance beat and synth work, vocals on top with distorted versions in the background. TICK.

Tim: Ludicrously distorted mobile phone display so we can read the entirely banal text message. TICK.

Tom: Video featuring shots of generic pretty people in very little clothing on a beach. TICK, although the “random video features generator” has landed on woman in shower, DJs, and – oddly – capoeira.

Tim: Said DJs starting out by going fishing and returning with a long-lost sunken mixing deck. TICK.

Tom: Generic lyrics about having a good time, with possible vague innuendo. TICK.

Tim: People queuing for drinks, being told there are free drinks elsewhere and promptly running off to lie down on beach towels. TICK.

Tom: Title of the song spoken in sultry voice as we enter the middle eight. TICK.

Tim: Half-second shot of an incredibly cloudy day that you just know someone’s going to get fired for. TICK.

Tom: No “euphoric build” in there, and no dubstep breakdown – this is pretty traditional by dance choon standards. Boxes ticked. Job well done.

Tim: Two more things: thankfully, this isn’t the atrocious cover of Rhythm of the Night they previewed last month and then sensibly forgot about, and secondly, which digital media pillock thought it would be a good idea to put the video title in black text on a largely-black background?

Tom: YouTube’s policy is that they “iterate quickly” on designs, so by the time this goes live they may well have fixed that. Nevertheless, it’s pretty stupid. Although not that stupid as that Rhythm of the Night cover.

Pink – Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

This might be the best track she’s put out in a long time.

Tom: You will recall from previous posts that I’m a bit of a Pink fan.

Tim: I do.

Tom: I always try to put biases like that aside for new singles from artists I like – but I think this might be the best track she’s put out in a long time.

Tim: Hmm…possibly, though if you’re saying it with that much certainty I suggest you go back and listen to Perfect one last time in case you’ve forgotten it.

Tom: Or, at least, the best track that doesn’t fall into the “reducing teenage girls to tears” category.

Tim: Okay, yes.

Tom: No goddamn silly “improvised” talking parts like in So What or Raise Your Glass. It’s a proper fists-in-the-air anthem. Listen to that goddamn chorus.

Tim: Oh, please – yes, it’s a good chorus, but So What is totally a fists-in-the-air anthem, although it’s also angry enough to be a fists-in-the-face anthem.

Tom: Not entirely sure the swearing in the second part of the chorus works – good luck censoring that, radio – and it’s not got as much of the singalong quality that So What had, but to hell with it. She’s back on form, and if this is any bellwether, then the new album’s going to be brilliant.

Tim: Agree with your views on the song alone; less so in comparison to the rest of her output. It is properly good.

Pet Shop Boys – Winner

Tim: You may have heard that Muse are doing the official Olympic song. If you have, and you’ve heard it, you will have come to the conclusion that it’s a total bloody racket.

Tom: See, I thought that the first time I heard it, but then on further listens it’s got a lot better. I mean, it’s Muse: if they can get away with Knights of Cydonia they can get away with this. Admittedly Matt Bellamy does sound more like the guy from Electric Six at times, and the lyrics are trite, but still.

Tim: Still, it’s a total bloody racket. This, on the other hand, would have been a lovely Olympics song, and not just because it has a podium on the cover of it.

Tom: There’s something about the word “win” and “winner”: use them in a song and it just seems patronising and a little awkward, like giving a “you tried” medal to every kid on school sports day.

Tim: Sometimes, perhaps, but here I just can’t agree with you. This is the first song in almost a year where I’ve bought a song and then listened to it over and over and over again on repeat, because it’s brilliant.

Tom: It keeps reminding me of Take That’s “Shine”, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. They’re just similar, happy songs, I guess.

Tim: Partly it’s the understatedness of it all – at the end of the song (with that delightful key change) it cranks it up a lot, but until then it could, technically, be described as a bit plodding, but here that is in no way a criticism, because what it does is focus the listener’s attention on the lyrics. It’s the same with the video – you don’t get dazzled by the bright colours or pretty fonts they’re using, because it’s just the words, and those words are wonderful.

Anyone who doesn’t get goosebumps from that chorus is clearly an emotional void.

Tom: Hello.

Tim: Yep, figures. But in fact anyone who doesn’t find this song at least very good is just plain wrong.

Tom: Yes, but that’s only due to that middle eight and last chorus. Those are so good that they raise the whole song’s average.

Tim: And push it from cloud-high levels to outer-atmosphere levels of excellency.

Saturday Flashback: Selma – All Out Of Luck

I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tim: You’ll remember that last Friday, you and I went to a Europop club night, and for some reason two annoying middle-aged Danish guys kept talking to us, regardless of the fact that we hadn’t a clue what they were on about.

Tom: Yep. I’ve since been told that one of them had some rather interesting proposals that were, alas, both incoherent and incompatible with my own preferences.

Tim: You’ll also remember that you were a total— erm, you were a bit annoying and walked off with your female friend leaving me poor and defenceless.

Tom: That was, I’ll admit, a dick move. It was also hilarious.

Tim: Hmm. Well, as it turned out, one of them, strange and incessant though he may have been, did have an incredible knowledge of Eurovision history. For example, when this came on he shouted at me that Iceland came second with it in 1999, and then proceeded to sing it at me. All of it.

Tom: See? Hilarious.

Tim: Bastard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NcThSfelqA

Tim: I miss Eurovision songs like this.

Tom: So do I. It’s like B*Witched or something similar: 90s bubblegum pop that’s got very little of anything serious to offer, but just hits all the required buttons to make your brain happy.

Tim: I know they had their time, and they weren’t to everyone’s taste, and they did nothing to boost Eurovision’s credibility amongst fans of ‘proper’ (i.e. rubbish) music, but dammit, they were brilliant. Perfect cheesy pop that no-one with any semblance of a soul can listen to without being made happy and feeling all bouncy. Ridiculous dancing by, well, eejits in raincoats, just added to the charm and helped make it absolutely JOYOUS.

Tom: I’m so glad that Wogan’s retired.

Dada Life – Happy Violence

I’m not sure what it’s got.

Tim: Right. Yesterday I said I liked dubstep if it was done well. This has been sent in by reader Martijn, and it’s time to test that. But first, don’t watch it at work if you’re an investment banker.

Tom: With the title of “Happy Violence”, I was really hoping that the shocked bankers’ reactions at one minute into the video would be in response to a gunman entering the building, God Bless America-style. Alas, ’twas not to be.

Tim: Hmm. I’m conflicted here. Because, I really don’t know whether I like it or not. Its got— well, actually I’m not sure what it’s got.

Tom: Well, it starts all off Jean Michel Jarre, but rapidly becomes a bass-heavy dance number. But this is not dubstep, not by a long way – it’s far too fast, and far too light.

Tim: Not properly, no, but I wouldn’t say it’s a long way off – there are definite elements of it in the post-chorus instrumental bit, and for me it’s that that sticks out.

I can’t put into words anything I like about it, and if I was analysing it piece by piece it would all be negative. But somehow, there’s just a glimmer of something in there, I think, which means that…oh, I don’t know. What do you think?

Tom: It’s a middle-of-the-DJ-set track, in the manner of Justice or a few other similar acts – nothing that’s going to trouble the pop charts, but certainly a decent effort.

Tim: Actually, you know what? I don’t like it. I think it’s best if we just leave this sort of stuff for middle-eights for now.

Hampenberg feat. Jesper Nohrstedt – Glorious

“My word, does this bounce around a bit.”

Tim: Hampenberg, a producer, Jesper, the singer we last saw trying to represent Denmark at Eurovision. And my word, does this bounce around a bit.

Tom: That video’s a wonderful combination of high-budget studio work and low-budget graphics. All the scenes without video work are wonderfully produced… and then a stock NASA image steadily zooms in. How bizarre.

Tim: They’ve also chosen to bring old iPod adverts into the mix, which is nice because I liked those adverts.

Musically, we start off with a gentle piano ballad, quickly move into standard club beat-heavy mode, before settling into lovely Avicii/Swedish House Mafia style dance, whilst taking a brief (but apparently currently mandatory) break into the dubstep arena, and to be honest I’d be hard-pressed to criticise it. Everything just seems to work together and fit well, really, and the beginning of the first chorus, with the one note at a time piano behind it, is just fantastic.

Tom: The technical term there for that ‘one note at a time’ is ‘arpeggiated’. But yes, I can’t disagree with that: it builds properly, ends wonderfully, and is eminently danceable.

Tim: And regarding the dubstep: I’ve checked, and the first time we mentioned it was about eighteen months ago, when you described it quite simply as “awful”. A week later, I said I couldn’t stand it. But now, 26 mentions of it later? Well, used carefully, as it is here, it’s brilliant. The echoing voice and remnants of what came previously blend in well with the vwhomp vwhomp (will there ever be a proper way to spell that?) bits, and it just…works.

Tom: That’s because it’s gone pop. The old-school dubstep fanboys bemoan the commercialisation and sanitisation of the genre they love, and say it’s not “true dubstep” – but the fact remains that now it’s been cleaned up for the public at large, and now our ears have had a chance to get used to it… well, yes. It just works.

Tim: Though you still won’t find me shopping for Skrillex tracks.

Tom: You can get those at B&Q.

The Offspring – Cruising California (Bumpin’ In My Trunk)

“shit 90s dancepop gone rocky”

Tom: Our regular Radio Insider sends us this, with the phrase “shit 90s dancepop gone rocky”. Needless to say, I played it immediately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAlZyajmcIM

Tom: Now, I like the Offspring; “Ixnay on the Hombre” was one of my favourite albums when I was younger, and it still has a place in my heart now. And this is… well, this is different, to say the least.

Tim: Is it?

Tom: Well, yes. It’s like Katy Perry suddenly discovered punk. While I hate to credit YouTube comments with anything, I have to admit that “stewartmc7” makes a valid point: “they make joke songs on almost all of their albums. But those joke songs are so catchy that some of them actually become famous and popular.” He uses Pretty Fly for a White Guy as an example. And he’s right: this isn’t some new, poppy, reinvented Busted-like Offspring: it’s them having fun and producing something poppy that’ll entice people to buy the album.

Tim: True. I’ve never really given them much attention (although I do find Why Don’t You Get A Job very good for walking quickly to) so I don’t really know, but fans aside, won’t people just think of them as a band that produces music like this and Pretty Fly For A White Guy? Basically, a slightly quirky rock band?

Tom: That’s an interesting perspective. The Offspring have always been mostly towards the “punk” end of pop-punk in my head, whereas this doesn’t even count as vaguely punk. It’s a strange one indeed. I think the irritating novelty parts are more annoying than the catchy melody is listenable, but your view may differ.

Tim: My view is that it’s standard Offspring material, and I think most others will have the same.

Tom: That sound you hear? It’s the “true” Offspring fanboys screaming.