Calle Runefelt – Walk On Water

I haven’t even got past the first verse, and I completely agree that it’s better.

Tim: Remember that Machine one from Friday that was in the competition? Well actually, don’t vote for that because this is better.

Tim: And just so you know, I wrote that first sentence even before it got to 2:51, and at that moment I was properly sold.

Tom: As I’m writing this, I haven’t even got past the first verse, and I completely agree that it’s better. Now, admittedly, in this case “better” means “more suited to my musical tastes”, but, you know potato-potahto.

Tim: That chorus has a proper tap/clap/click/something to the beat vibe about it, and even in comparison the verses have still got a decent amount of stuff to them. And then when you throw in the key change – admittedly after all the stopping and starting in the middle eight it had to finish with something pretty good, but that there just makes up for it, the memories of the dodgy bit are thrown out of the window and all that’s left is the triumphant soaring bit in the background, all wrapped up nicely.

Tom: “Soaring” is the right word: but I’m all in favour of a middle eight with strange drum fills and patterns – particularly when the payoff is that good.

Tim: So we’re agreed – this is where you should vote. Not that other one. I forbid you.

Saturday Reject: Plumbo – Ola Nordmann

That starts like a reject from a Michael Flatley routine.

Tim: Here’s a question you’ve probably never been asked before: how many rock bands can you name with a flautist?

Tom: Depends. How good’s the flautist’s musical knowledge? Oh. Wait, never mind. Er, none.

Tim: Well, you can change that to one.

Tom: That starts like a reject from a Michael Flatley routine.

Tim: We’ve got another case here Reidun Sæther’s “THIS IS WHERE THE KEY CHANGE IS”, though to a slightly lesser extent, and while this could sort of be described as rock music, it could just as accurately be described as schlager-dressed-as-rock music. Standard progression of verses and choruses, key change, closing bit, it’s all in there. And, like many songs of this type, it works pretty damn well.

Tom: Amazing how one flute can change the tone so much, though.

Tim: It is, isn’t it? If it—the rock genre bit, that is, although it’s the case for the flute as well—became a regular thing, I don’t think it’d be so good, as part of the charm of these songs is the way they play with expectations. If it was expected, it’d be dull, and no more appealing than the usual stuff, and arguably less so. But as it is, it’s good.

Tom: That said, I can’t see it doing better than middle-of-the-table on the actual Eurovision board, so perhaps Norway did the right thing.

Anton Leuba & Distortion Unit – Machine

It’s a bit slow, isn’t it?

Tim: “Being raised on mainstream pop, [Anton] knows the rules well enough to break them.” Worth a listen?

Tom: With a healthy dose of skepticism, yes.

Tim: It apparently comes with “reggaeton-inspired verses and a kick-in-the-gut chorus”, and is about “wanting it all, giving it all, and getting it all”. Also, bear in mind that he “wrote his first song in green crayon at the age of six.”

Tim: Now, I’ve never heard any reggaeton, or even heard of its existence before now, so I can’t judge the first part.

Tom: It’s a bit slow, isn’t it?

Tim: Yeah – I’ve certainly no inclination to check out reggaeton based on these verses, but then there is that chorus, while perhaps not reaching kick-in-the-gut levels, does at least get up to tickle-on-the-tummy, so I’m all for this. It’s got quite a machine-y vibe to it, so it works on that level, and it’s varied enough that it never really gets dull.

It is definitely the choruses that make this, though, what with the slightly uninspiring verses. Those choruses are enough, though. Just about.

Tom: That sums up my thoughts: it’s a bit sparse, which is – as they say – fine if you like that sort of thing.

Tim: Anyway, he’s competing in the Metro On Stage competition, so you can vote for him here if you want. And see all the other entrants, and even submit your own should you be so inclined.

Basshunter – Northern Light

I swear he looks more like David Hasselhoff every time he releases a video.

Tim: Basshunter’s fourth album has been on its way ever since the first single from it, the not-very-Basshunter-sounding Saturday, got a lukewarm reception from his fans almost two years ago. This is the second single from it, and it’s a bit more Basshunter-y. He’s even brought back that storyline he had going on in the videos. Because that was what people were missing.

Tom: I swear he looks more like David Hasselhoff every time he releases a video. That’s not a compliment.

Tim: It really isn’t, but it’s also not inaccurate.

Tom: “I will keep my magic sparkle bright?” Also, damn it, it’s Northern Lights. Plural.

Tim: So far, so back to proper Basshunter.

Tom: Somehow I was expecting more. His name’s “Basshunter”, for crying out loud: would it kill him to actually have some BANGING BASS in there instead of the generic dance beat we’ve got here?

Tim: Oh, come on – he hasn’t had BANGING BASS ever since he went mainstream four years back, has he? No, this is the stuff most people are used to, or at least it is until whatever this ‘let’s take a break and do something different’ is? I mean come on, no one wants it, it sticks out horribly, and it interrupts what is otherwise bog-standard excellent Basshunter fare. Yes, the song was coming to the point where it needed to go somewhere else, but you could at least cut it into halves and spread it out a bit, so it might sound a tad more integrated and flowing, no?

Tom: I think it’s just a long middle-eight – more like a middle-sixteen – but it doesn’t sound like him. Mind you, he’s been going for nearly a decade now.

Tim: More, actually, although I must confess I’d never heard of that album until now.

Interlude aside, though, this song is a great and much-awaited return to form, I think.

Tom: I think he’s still got a way to go.

The Saturdays – 30 Days

This starts as it means to go on.

Tom: Never mind yesterday’s slow-to-kick-in pop: this starts as it means to go on.

Tom: Side note: am I the only one that’s surprised there aren’t any Saturdays splits or side projects yet? One of them’s got to be the Robbie, surely.

Tim: I’ll go out on a limb: yes, you are. They’ve been together for five years, and Girls Aloud went for seven years without stopping, Westlife for twelve. Even Take That held it together for six years, so even assuming there’s a rule it’s still early days.

Tom: Really? Wow. I stand corrected. Anyway, another side note: there’s no need for a music video to be letterboxed this much. It doesn’t look like a movie. It looks like the viewer’s constantly squinting.

Tim: There, I will agree.

Tom: The reason that I’m going off on side notes, by the way, is that I can’t think of anything interesting to say about the song. I’m not even sure what it’s about. It’s like someone played the Slot Machine of Pop and it churned out a random mishmash of the last few Saturdays tracks.

Tim: I got a similar feeling – more specifically, that I didn’t really care what the lyrics were, nor was I meant to care. As long as I hear the music and dance, that is enough for The Man.

Tom: It’s just… generic.

Tim: And that is enough. It seems.

Jessie J feat. David Guetta – Laserlight

It kicks in a lot later than you might think, but when it does… BOOM.

Tom: Like a lot of David Guetta tracks, it kicks in a lot later than you might think, but when it does… BOOM.

Tom: I’m having to resort to nitpicking to find things to criticisms about this track. Is that autotune I hear at 1:38, or just overcompression? I’m not sure. And that stylophone-like synth line in the builds sticks out like a sore thumb.

Tim: I quite that that bit. And as for the 1:38 bit, I think it’s just, well, singing.

Tom: Frankly, in a track this polished it’s difficult to complain about things like that. Even the twinkly piano outro works for me – it’ll be gone in the remixes, of course.

Tim: True. But if we’re nitpicking, I’m saying this: I find this hairstyle terrifying. With her usual fringe she looks friendly and nice, and the wavy thing she’s had for The Voice is also good. But all stretched back like this for some reason just scares me. I think it’s the eyebrows more than anything.

Tom: Oh, now you’ve pointed them out I can’t see anything else. Thanks for that. Anyway, if all this year’s summer anthems are of the quality we’ve seen in this last couple of weeks, Tim, it’s going to be a good year to be a clubber.

Nick Ellis and the Noise – Delorean

Back to the Future references are so original.

Tim: According to the website, these chaps “play new-wave synth-pop inspired by the 80’s and time travel”.

Tom: Which is why they’ve called it “Delorean”. Back to the Future references are so original.

Tim: In their defence, though, that song would indicate a correlation between said film and brilliant pop songs.

Tom: Incidentally, that’s the first time I’ve seen the video to “Year 3000”. Two comments: first, I can see why Charlie left, and second, they do the Busted Jump a lot, don’t they?

Tim: I miss it so much.

Tom: Anyway. What’s this track like?

Tim: Probably worth a listen.

Tim: So, you’re a musician influenced, as you claim, by time travel. You write a song called Delorean and sing about using it to go travel in aforementioned time. Do you do something decent with this time machine? Solve scientific queries, like go back and find out whether dinosaurs were hot or cold blooded? Attempt to solve religious debate by trying to get photographic evidence of the resurrection? Maybe even travel to the future, see what disasters may lie ahead and come back and warn everyone? Actually, no. You stop yourself doing something stupid that made your girlfriend dump you. You pathetic boring bastard.

Tom: You’re not thinking big enough there, Tim. Once you violate causality, then by necessity you’ve broken the second law of thermodynamics. At this point, you can reverse entropy, and can pretty much do anything. There’s a reason time travel doesn’t make sense when you stop to think about it.

Tim: Yes, but this guy claims to be properly influenced by it, so he should at least put some effort into having some decent ambitions before causing the universe as we know it to fall apart around us.

As it happens, though, I don’t much care about that, because this is a pretty good piece of electropop.

Tom: It does go on a bit, though, and the constant mentions of “Delorean” do get old very quickly.

Tim: Yeah, I’m not so keen on that, especially the time before the middle eight where it seems it’ll never end, but the main verse and chorus work great together, I think, and so overall I can cope with his lack of time travel imagination. Just.

Tom: Probably for the best, because you’d also have to complain about Cher and Aqua.

Tim: Oh, I could never do that.

Saturday Reject: Lisa Miskovsky – Why Start A Fire

Can you hear even one guitar note in any part of the song?

Tim: Two questions, Tom: what do you think of this, and can you hear even one guitar note in any part of the song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USUUwucrTzA

Tom: It’s okay but nothing special; and no. No I can’t. Which is interesting, because she’s clearly strumming it. Although I’m not sure she if ever changes the chord she’s holding.

Tim: Weird, isn’t it? But I ask what you think of it because Sweden was split on it – it went straight through to the final in its heat, but then came last in the phone vote on the night.

Tom: Interesting: a song that doesn’t grow on the audience over time.

Tim: My guess as to why? It’s almost novelty – not a weird or unusual track in itself, but it’s still got an ‘Ooh, what’s all this about?’ factor to it that got people voting the first time, but got people rejecting it the second time, either thinking ‘Yeah, we’ve seen this, bring on the next one’ or ‘Oh, come on, get to the exciting bit. What do you mean, there isn’t one? This is the final, it can’t just finish witho—oh. Apparently it can.’

Tom: Yep. It really can. It’s pleasant, but that’s all.

Tim: Actually, that may have sounded a bit harsh. It’s not dull or boring; it’s exciting enough for lots of things. It’s just not exciting enough for a Melodifestivalen final.And let’s just ignore that guitar. Because that seems to be what all but one of everybody involved in the song did.

Coco – Watch Your Bitch

“WOOP WOOP WOOP THAT’S THE SOUND OF TIM IN A HOLE.”

Tim: It probably goes without saying, but this song contains language that delicate readers may find offensive.

Tom: For several different reasons, I’ll bet. You know what? I think you’re going to dig yourself into a hole at some point during this review. When you do, you’ll hear the screeching alarm of my patent-pending “Tim Digging Himself Into A Hole Alarm”.

Tim: Now, the message of this song is slightly odd. Because on one side, there’s the “watch your bitch” – abusive language, telling him to be careful – indicating she’d like to get with him, as it were. On the other side, there’s the main reason given – “she knows she can do better” – i.e. you’re ugly, and that’s hardly the best way to get into a guy’s pants.

Tom: Hmm. Bit of a bleeping here, like you’re working your way down a line of argument that’s not quite right.

Tim: Reading further into it, the real message of the song is “I’m not as fit as that cow you’re dating, so you should get with me instead.”

Tom: Fairly loud buzzing noise now. I think you’ve mistaken the “she can do better” as being about–

Tim: Excuse me, still talking here.

Now, it’s been a while since I had any sort of relationship, so I may be out of the loop a bit —

Tom: The bleeper went quiet. In sympathy, I think.

Tim: — but I’m fairly sure that’s not really the sort of line that would make me ditch my girlfriend. Because if I’ve got a good looking lady, I’m not going to chuck her for a rude minger. Jog on, lady.

Tom: WOOP WOOP WOOP THAT’S THE SOUND OF TIM IN A HOLE. Listen to those lyrics again.

Tim: Ah. Right, so it turns out that the verses make it clear that it is in fact she who is the bitch she’s singing about, and it’s just a warning to be a better boyfriend. Oh, sod it, I’ve written it now, so let’s ignore those bits.

Tom: Not a bad track, though. Anyway, the Tim Digging Himself Into A Hole Alarm is available for iPhone and iPad, 69p from the App Store.

Tim: It would go off at least two or three times a day, though, so proceed with caution.

H.E.A.T. – Living On The Run

Oh my WORD that’s very 80s.

Tim: Lots of people (by which I mean people who take the world seriously) are talking about a double-dip recession at the moment, and what it means for the future of the economy. Let’s talk a double-dip middle eight, and what that might mean for the future of rock music.

Tom: Oh bloody hell, is this your attempt at economics humour?

Tim: Well, it’s topical, you see.

Tom: Oh my WORD that’s very 80s. If it wasn’t blatantly filmed on a Canon 5D, I’d say it was about thirty years older than it is.

Tim: Structure seems fine to start with – verse, chorus, verse, chorus, a singing middle eight, then quickly up for some faint singing to take us into the final chorus. Except NO! That’s NOT what happens. This is CRAZY. Because then there’s a whole load of guitar strumming going on, and basic song structure as we know it falls to pieces.

Tom: I don’t give a damn about that. Why? Because this song isn’t just an 80s power ballad, it’s a good 80s power ballad. Who cares about song structure? LET’S ROCK!

Tim: Well, alright. I am perhaps being a teeny bit dramatic here, especially since rock music has never been too bothered with bog standard textbook structure, but it’s an interesting talking point and I’m in the mood for music like this.

Tom: I’m not sure what you’re complaining about, really: it’s just got a middle eight and – I’m going to use the technical term here – a bitchin’ guitar solo before the final chorus and fade out. 80s, remember?

Tim: Oh, I’m not complaining at all – that solo is, indeed, bitchin’.

This is a long song (although not so long that the video justifies having a full 30 seconds of credits), and the fade out’s far too drawn out, not that it should ever be there in the first place, but sometimes I just want to be loud and dramatic and this fits the bill perfectly.

Tom: Music videos never used to have credits. I’m not sure why they’ve started. Good video, though.

Tim: Filmed during a three-day party in the largest hotel suite in Scandinavia, would you believe it.

Tom: I’d have liked to be at that party. I’m not sure this song would have gotten old, even after three days.