NEO – Exclusive Love

This track made me go straight out and buy his album.

Tim: Hearing this track made me go straight out to my local music program to buy his newish album, Reborn. We’ve already very much enjoyed Underground and Toxicated Love (title aside) from it, so tell me Tom – what do you think of this?

Tom: I like it. Other than his voice sounding just a bit like Verka Serduchka, which is a bit distracting.

Tim: Hmm, I suppose it does a bit, actually. Other than that, though: the fade-out ending loses him a point or two, but aside from that I don’t think I can fault this. Lyrically it’s lighter than his last two tracks – a close relationship takes the focus, rather than poisonous feelings or the weird getting run over outside a nightclub thing that was in Underground.

Tom: I’m not sure about the “exclusivity” metaphor he’s got going on in those lyrics – it’s laboured to the point of being ridiculous.

Tim: OH COME ON – are you seriously telling me you’ve never had a password-protected relationsh—okay you may have a point.

Tom: Maybe I have. Does a safe word cou—actually, never mind.

Tim: Let’s move on. There is an enthusiasm in the backing there right from the start of the first verse, and when that chorus drops and you get the high-pitched synth running up and down for the rest of the song you can not help but move at least one leg in time to the beat.

Tom: I realised, while reading that paragraph, that my leg was indeed moving in time to the beat.

Tim: Exactly.

Tom: But despite that, the “love, love, love” middle eight and final chorus just doesn’t quite work for me.

Tim: Really? I love that whole section, and I also especially love the off-beatness of parts of it – the ‘you give to’ that introduces the chorus I think is inspired. If they sorted out the ending, this is a song I would have loved to see on stage competing in Melodifestivalen, because I think it would be an easy finalist, and maybe even a winner – it’s certainly on a par with everything that’s in the final this year.

Bold statement coming up: I reckon this would probably make the top three of the tracks we’ve featured here – it’s on a par with Lovekiller and What Makes You Beautiful, which were both perfect examples of pop music.

Tom: Whoa, whoa. I’m not so sure about that. To be honest, now we’re past 500 reviews, I think I’d be hard pressed to make a top three at all, but – while this is a great track – I’m not sure it achieves perfection.

Tim: Well obviously there are lots of great tracks, and personal favourites – The Silence, Hollywood Hills, Destiny (yes, really), Heart Is King, Call Your Girlfriend – wow, you’re right, there are loads – but when it comes to picking out flawless pieces of pop music, those two are the ones that stand out, and now this one.

Tom: It’s a cracking pop song, better than most that we cover, but those are high standards to judge it against.

Tim: True, but this matches them, I think. And regardless of whether you’re on ‘perfection’ or just ‘great’, I strongly advise getting his album Reborn, which came out in January, has not a single duff track on it and, unlike a lot of music we cover, is available in all good UK download stores.

Saturday Reject: Charlotte Perrelli – The Girl

5th out of a quarter of Sweden’s songs. We get Engelbert Humperdinck.

Tim: Six days before the BBC announced that Engelbert Humperdinck* would be representing Britain, a country that cares about Eurovision, and puts effort into finding a good song, had one of four semi-finals and noticed that a full four songs in it were even better than this.

* Engelbert Humperdinck, for crying out loud, whose notable achievement of the past ten years, according to Wikipedia, was auctioning his Harley Davidson for Leicestershire Air Ambulance.

Tom: What? Are you trying for the Run-On Sentence of the Year Award or something?

Tim: Put another way, a song as good as this one came fifth out of a quarter of Sweden’s songs, and we’re lumped with Engelbert Humperdinck. Jesus Christ.

Tom: I’m still not sure I follow you.

Tim: Tough.

Tom: Ooh. Their staging team have taken a couple of cues from Beyonce with that video wall. Which is probably for the best, because that opening is a bit naff compared to the rest of the song.

Tim: Wow, that Beyoncé’s things cool. But this opening, compared to the rest, yes it is a bit naff. But the rest is brilliant, which means the opening is still great.

Tom: Aside from that, and the middle eight, though – a bit too lacklustre for me there – this is a cracking song. I did keep wanting to sing Take That’s “Happy Now” over the top of it though.

Tim: Engelbert Humperdinck. My work is opening up a store in Stockholm later this year. You have no idea how much I want to get a transfer there.

Smith & Thell – Kill It With Love

This one already has vocals.

Tim: Yesterday, you’ll recall, we heard a piano dance track and discussed whether or not it needed vocals. Now, I’m going to ignore what you said about being bored of stuff, and will instead do, well not quite the same thing, because this one already has vocals.

Tom: About time.

Tim: This sounds great, and I think it backs up what I said.

Tom: Whereas I think it’s pretty much ripped my argument apart. ‘Cos I’m actually less enthused about this than yesterday’s repetitive piano track.

Tim: Really? The backing’s there to enjoy, and the vocals are on top in case it gets boring, which it certainly never does.

Tom: Is that backing really a melody on its own, though? It just sounds like regular background synth playing to me – no special little riffs being repeated there, just chords.

Tim: Yes, but they’re decent chords – they’ve got energy, vibrancy, something which yesterday’s didn’t have.

Tom: But that doesn’t make… “piano-dance” or whatever you call this genre. The piano’s not taking the lead melody, or even echoing it – it’s just a bit of the backing.

Tim: Well, it’s there enough to be notable. Though, in a weird twist, towards the end of the song I think it almost gets a bit too much. Like I said yesterday, you either need a complex melody or something like a vocal, but here we’ve got both. I’d certainly like to hear an instrumental version, just to compare the two.

Tom: I’d like to hear something… more. And I wish I could quantify that.

Nause – Mellow

I’ve now reached my limit of piano-dance tracks.

Tim: Second single, after last year’s not-covered-by-us-but-really-quite-good debut track Made Of.

Tom: Benny Benassi inspired much? Those synths sound awfully familiar, and it’s got a similar “concept” video as well, even if it’s not based around what is basically clothed porn.

Tim: It’s good, in a fairly similar manner to a lot of piano-y dance tracks that’ve been around recently – the simplicity of the melody on top is added to by the drum synth line, and it works nicely together. There’s one question that needs to be answered, though: does it needs a vocal?

Tom: I think I’ve now reached my limit of piano-dance tracks. I get it. You’ve found a piano riff. You’re going to repeat it for about three and a half minutes with various changes in instrumentation and volume. Well done. Let’s move on.

Tim: No – instead we’re going to have a discussion about vocals, and you can’t stop it. Eric Prydz’s Pjanoo worked very well on its own, and we both agreed that Bromance was better without a singer. On the other hand, Penguins was improved quite a bit, and I reckon this would be as well. Those first two had chords in them, something a decent pianist could play with emotion and energy. This, though, is just one note after another for the most part, and to be honest it just sounds a bit lonely.

Tom: It needs a vocal. It needs a defibrillator. It needs something.

Tim: On the other hand, when the video came to a close I realised that actually, it’s perfect for jogging or something to (if you’re into that sort of thing), so for a work-out mix CD this’d be fine.

Tom: True. But that’s damning with faint praise, surely?

Tim: Oh, very faint indeed – faint, in fact, like YOUR MUM after I’ve spent a night with her. OH YES. I WENT THERE. BRING IT.

Tom: What? Why? That doesn’t even make any sense.

Tim: Yeah, I have no idea where that came from.

Michel Telò – If I Catch You

This song makes me want to get up and dance like a total nutjob.

Tim: Last year this bloke covered Ai se eu te pego!, a 2008 Brazilian song, and his version got so big (200 million YouTube views big) that he’s done an English version so he can take over the resorts this summer.

Tom: All right, he’s opening with a cheering crowd. It’s a bold statement, but it might be justified.

Tim: And I think that just might happen, because let’s be honest this is great, isn’t it? I am actually typing this in time to the song. Even though that’s slower than usual, I just think that I need to.

Tom: Is it released too early for Ibiza? If it is, then it might still vanish without trace – but if they get a BANGING REMIX of this out at the right time for the clubs, it’s going to take the islands by storm.

Tim: Well, Loca People hit YouTube in February, and I’d reckon that if this song has just one desire, it’s to be this year’s equivalent. And I think it might succeed, because my God, this song makes me want to get up and dance like a total nutjob. I can see it splitting opinions (massively), but I love it. It is energy, it is jump around the room, it is brilliant. And anyone who says otherwise is just plain wrong.

Tom: It’s going to split, because ultimately it’s a pleasant summer pop song being released in – charitably – “early spring”. And he sounds like a laid-back Ricky Martin, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. If it goes big, good for him… but I’m not quite sure it will.

Tim: But…but…I really, really want to sing ‘nothing at all‘ to those four notes that crop up at the end of each line in the accordion bit, and my word that annoys me.

Sisse Marie – Kill For Your Love

We have here a dance track.

Tim: We have here a dance track. And I don’t really think it needs much of an introduction.

Tom: It does have a cracking introduction of its own.

Tim: It does – the opening notes are unusual, until you realise they aren’t actually anything to do with the song, but are instead just a title sequence, but after that we still have a good opening first verse for a poppy dance track. It ends, though, with what would ideally be a drop into a big and heavy chorus, but is actually comparatively something of a disappointment. It’s not dull, it’s just a bit let-downy.

Tom: After that brilliant first bit, I was really expecting a heavy chorus, but it wasn’t to be. The second chorus – after I’d got over that surprise – I like a lot more.

Tim: Yes, and on the other hand, that middle eight is pretty great – it’s got that type of synth in it that reminds me of eurotrance from ten years ago and it’s brilliant.

Tom: Not only that, but the video has the blatantly “not quite erotic enough to get banned” dancing from that era. And we’ve previously established that I’m a sucker for Americana videos, particularly ones set in deserts. In short: yes, I like it.

Tim: Me too, ish – towards the end it finally gets going properly, and it’s, well, pretty good. It finishes on a high, sure, but it’s a high that’s at the level the rest of the song should be at, and the closing bit should be even better. This wouldn’t get me to put down my drink and head onto the dancefloor; a heavy enough remix, though, definitely would.

Tom: Damn right.

Smile.dk – Moshi Moshi

“Yep, I totally brought philosophy into a bubblegum pop music review. DEAL WITH IT.”

Tim: Dance Dance Revolution fans, fire up your consoles please.

Tom: Wait, I don’t see ‘Saturday Flashback’ up there. They’re still going? Wow.

Tim: Slight personnel change, but yep. Still going.

Tom: Like many Eurodance groups, they’re a Trigger’s Broom problem: if you’ve replaced all the component parts, is it still the same item?

Yep, I totally brought philosophy into a bubblegum pop music review. DEAL WITH IT.

Tim: I’ll deal with that, but Trigger’s Broom? Mate, we’re a pop music blog. I think you’ll find it’s called the Sugababes Conundrum.

Tim: Here, we have an example of slightly wishful thinking. Dream about somebody, try to find him on the internet (despite a total lack of evidence that he actually exists), unsurprisingly fail, and then he phones you up on a good strong 4G connection. Sounds reasonable, right?

Tom: Smile.DK songs had two good points when they featured in DDR games: first of all they were over-the-top cheesy, and secondly they were cut down to only 90 seconds long. This one seems to lack both of those. The plot of the song isn’t really important.

Tim: Well, the plot isn’t hugely important, no, but it does matter that you’re so happy it’s happened that you throw in one of the most ridiculous key-changes this side of Evergreen. Perfect day all round, really.

Tom: The strange thing is this: I don’t like the song. So why on earth did I start tapping my foot after that key change? Suddenly that bit of uplift made it all better. What’s wrong with me?

Saturday Reject: Mattias Andréasson – Förlåt Mig

This track kept defying my expectations

Tim: The M from EMD; his former bandmate Danny competes in Melodifestivalen’s fourth and final heat tonight but Mattias was, unfortunately for him, knocked out last week in fifth place.

Tim: So, we start out with a fairly gentle, not hugely inspiring ballady thing, and we all know what happens next – something drops in, another instrument or two, yes, here’s a drumbeat building up to the chorus and what the hell just happened?

Ooh, we’ve moved genres, and it’s actually very listenable.

Tom: I was expecting the kick-in about four bars earlier – in fact, this track kept defying my expectations. It kept zigging when it should be zagging. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is bloody confusing.

Tim: Let’s just hope people forgive the boring intro.

Tom: And the boring middle eight.

Tim: You can probably guess what the title translates to, what with the excessive desperation he’s singing with, and bless him, what’s he done to upset the average Swedish voter? Oh, I don’t know – probably that fairly boring intro he felt it necessary to start with. All he really wants is for them to forgive him enough to vote for him.

Tom: Which they didn’t.

Tim: Indeed not. But you know, I actually don’t think it was the boring start that did it for him. My money’s instead on the backing dancers, because they really should know that’s not how you hold a lightsaber, and people clearly punished him for that. Sad, but that’s Eurovision for you.

Jedward – Waterline

It’s the most anticipated one of the bunch; justly so?

Tim: Well, it’s the most anticipated one of the bunch; justly so? (And apologies for the weird video, but it’s one of the few where YouTube hasn’t knackered the sound quality.)

Tom: All right, I’ll brace myself. They’re annoying; their fans are annoying; the track is…

Tom: …good?! Sorry, I don’t think I typed that in a surprised enough manner. GOOD?!

Tim: Yes. This is basically a Busted reunion, isn’t it, and for that reason alone it is the greatest song in human history.

Tom: Let’s not go quite that far.

Tim: I suppose not – when I hear it, I have to remind myself that it isn’t actually Busted and I’m brought way back down to Earth. Still, it’s bloody good, and vastly better than Lipstick was. And who’d have thought it – Jedward can actually sing properly, it seems, which is something many had only previously suspected.

Tom: The question is: can they sing it live on the night? If they can (and I can’t believe I’m saying this), then I reckon they can win Eurovision with it.

Tim: A bold statement. It could certainly be a hit over here, and on both sides of the Irish Sea, because this is – I’m going to use the comparison again, because it’s nearly impossible not to – genuinely like Busted on top form, and those sort of music tastes really haven’t changed in the past ten years.

Tom: But this isn’t cheesy Europop like yesterday’s – it’s like a modern pop boy band. Which, I suppose, they are. Again: I can’t believe I’m saying that.

Tim: As for your guess of a Eurovision winner? Quite possible – I still think yesterday’s would stand a slightly better chance based on music alone, but this has the name to go with the song, and that counts for a lot.

Right – we’ve been through all five, so I think it’s time we acted as one of the regional juries to complement the Irish televote tonight. We have point allocations of 12, 10, 6, 8 and 4, and mine are thus:

Mariah McCool – 8
Donna MacCaul – 6
Andrew Mann – 4
Una Gibney & David Shannon – 12
Jedward – 10

Yours, please?

Tom: 12 for Jedward, amazingly. 10 for Andrew Mann. 8 for Donna, 6 for Mariah, and 4 for the warblers. It seems that the celebrity haircuts get our vote. How very, very strange.

Tim: Only 4? And they don’t even get names? You’ve changed, man. You’ve changed.

Tom: It’s not a bad track. It just won’t win Eurovision.

Una Gibney and David Shannon – Language of Love

Oh my word, it’s like the Eurovision of the 1990s has come back to haunt us.

Tom: The last chance before Jedward. What’ve we got?

Tim: The cheap route for the video here, going for the ‘let’s take some cameras into the recording studio and film it a few times’ method. And fill it out with some waffle at the end about how we want you to vote for us. Believe it or not.

Tom: Oh my word, it’s like the Eurovision of the 1990s has come back to haunt us.

Tim: If only.

The good thing about this video, and in particular the ‘cut the screen up to show what’s happening’ effect, is that is helps to point out that while this starts out fairly sensible, it gradually gets more and more excited throughout the song, until we get to about 2:30, when we’ve got nine things going on at once and it can only really be described as ‘batshit crazy’.

Tom: This is the first of the Irish songs where I’ve found my foot automatically tapping along. Which means it’s good – it’s also incredibly cheesy, though, and while it’d do well ten years ago (Love Shine A Light, anyone?) the rest of Europe is looking for modern pop music, not something that could have been written as a dodgy anthem for the Barcelona Olympics.

Tim: Oh, but I like the cheese.

Tom: I do, in general, but this is too much: this is a whole industrial-size buffet-style fondue set. It reminds me of the Brittas Empire for some reason. That’s not a good thing.

Tim: I think this is fantastic, I really do, because, well, there’s just so much happening. Even though the video makes it look like David has to consult his lyrics sheet on a couple of occasions, everything and everyone just seems so energised – they have PURPLE VIOLINS, for crying out loud. The two of them seem to be competing with regard to who can sing most enthusiastically, and part of me wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out they decided to throw that key change in on the day just for the hell of it.

This is amazing, brilliant, almost out of this world pop music, and I love it.

Tom: And it’ll do terribly if Ireland picks it. Which is a great shame.

Tim: You think? You did see last year’s winner, didn’t you? Or fourth placer? There’s still a place for this stuff.

In fact, I’m going to go off on one now, about everyone (especially the Great British Public every time our song is chosen) who say ‘oh, it’s not a Eurovision song.’ I wrote a thing on my long-defunct Canada blog a couple of years back after the 2010 contest. Full thing’s here, but two important sentences are:

‘[When it started in 1956] the idea was that each country would join in, play what they thought was good music, and hope that other countries would agree with them.

‘In the top 5 [in 2010], we have variants of Kate Nash, Muse, Alphabeat, a strange combination of ‘Every Breath You Take’ and ‘Simply The Best’ and a three-minute climax of a Leona Lewis song.’

Basically, my point is that there’s no such thing as a Eurovision song and we should choose music we like, and I’d hoped that you would agree.

Tom: It depends whether you want to follow that original idea – play good music and hope people agree – or whether you want to win. I’m talking about these with the latter in mind.

Tim: No – you’ve completely missed my point, which is that it’s pointless choosing them based on ‘what’s going to win’, because there’s no way of predicting it. Like I said earlier, last year’s winner wasn’t far off this in cheese terms, and who the hell would have predicted a victory for Lordi?

But even if you’re right, and if it would do terribly, I don’t care about that – I want it performed on a massive stage, with insane production values (sadly the Late Late Show set isn’t really built for that), if only to see what they come up with.