Ed Sheeran feat. Andrea Bocelli – Perfect Symphony

“What do we buy Auntie Margaret?” “No idea, this’ll do.”

Tim: So, currently, All I Want For Christmas Is You is, 23 years on from its original release, currently equaling its number 2 high point in the UK Singles Chart. Streaming’s weird. It’s being kept off number one by Ed, who’s gaming the whole thing so cynically it’s almost funny.

Tom: And now I have to listen to the damn thing. I’ve managed to avoid it, on the grounds of it being Ed Sheeran. But, fine, here we go.

Tom: I think the most startling thing about that is just how much it sounds like a lot of other songs, without actually being any of them. Stand By Me. Unchained Melody. Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You”. A half dozen other inspirations and homages. Yes, well done, you’ve made a New Song from bits of old ones.

But you know what? Andrea Bocelli actually managed to save this for me. This sounds really rather nice. And I think that’s because there’s, well, less Ed.

Tim: Now let’s examine the ways he’s managed to keep this song up there. First, the many versions. On the album and first video, it’s a solo; a few weeks later he duetted with Beyoncé; and now he’s going for the all-important festive “look, it’s got that opera singer on it, you like him, don’t you nan?” market. Second, and as a by-product of that, we’ve a nice pop/classical mix – there’s a reason Il Divo always did well at Christmas.

Tom: “What do we buy Auntie Margaret?” “No idea, this’ll do.”

Tim: And thirdly: the technicalities. Your standard pop songs are all in 4/4 time; the Christmas pop hits, on the other hand, have an unusually high rate of 12/8 songs – it’s a nice mix of radio-friendly 4-time and the 3-time that’s frequent in traditional carols. Much as I’d love to criticise Ed for this, he’s not alone – The Pogues did it, John Lennon did it, even your favourite did it, all in a purely innocent attempt to get people festive.

Tom: Nothing wrong with that. This is what gets me: Ed Sheeran’s can sing, and clearly has a lot of song-writing talent, it’s just that the results — for some reason — absolutely drive me up the wall, no matter how blatant the pandering is.

Tim: And the worst thing about all this? It works. Judging by the midweeks, he’s going nowhere. (Unlike Mariah, who’s down to 5. Oh well.)

Sia – Ho Ho Ho

“Why the FLIPPING HECK wasn’t this the lead on the album?”

Tom: A whole album. A whole Christmas album. Why. Why would anyone bother to do that, other than as a cheap cash-in?

Tim: I don’t know, I mean she’s certainly not the first artist to do that – Kylie Minogue, Gwen Stefani and Kelly Clarkson are three that immediately spring to mind. The only difference here is that all ten tracks are original, and to be honest I’d say that’s almost something to be applauded, rather than labelled “cheap cash-in”.

But anyway, I was playing yesterday’s track while writing about it, and I saw this in YouTube’s sidebar, and much as I didn’t enjoy her Christmas offering we featured last week, I figured I’d give this one the benefit of the doubt. Can’t be much worse, can it?

Tim: OH BLOODY HELL that’s good, and why the FLIPPING HECK wasn’t this the lead on the album?

Tom: “First things first, I’ma say all the words inside my head“. Sorry, what were you saying?

Tim: Oh, GOD, that’s what it reminds me of, AARGH. But beside that, it’s fun, it’s got a great video (albeit not one that bears any relation whatsoever to the song), and it starts off requesting alcohol. Because yes, Christmas is indeed about having parties, getting pissed, and so what if people are misfits? Let’s all get together and have a good time. But most importantly of all: this is a modern track.

Tom: I mean, yes, but I’m having trouble coming up with anything interesting to say about it. It’s just… I think I’m starting to get burned out on Sia’s voice singing about Christmas.

Tim: It’s a song that’s not far off what I’d expect Sia to produce on a standard day. It’s just great, and so, so much better than that other one.

Tom: Imagine if all the effort for the album had gone into one spectacular track instead.

Tim: Hmm. Okay, maybe you have a point there.

Bright Light Bright Light & Nerina Pallot – Put A Little Love In Your Heart

“You don’t necessarily need festive lyrics to have a great Christmas song.”

Tim: Mr Light Bright Light is another one with a Christmas EP out this year, comprising six covers of songs from Christmas movies; this is the only one on YouTube. and for anyone who doesn’t know the connection, the Annie Lennox cover of the original 1960s track is from the Scrooged soundtrack.

Tim: For me, that starts good and just keeps getting better. Sure, it’s clearly a cover of an 80s song, but it’s a damned good song, such a lovely duet.

Tom: It is, although — and I’m well aware that this is down to personal preference rather than anything in the production here — it’s a song that I don’t actually like. I can’t explain why, the lyrics are just a bit too trite, the melody just a bit too Playdays.

Tim: Hmm, I get where you’re coming from – and if you don’t like the saccharine of the original, this isn’t going to be an improvement. Looking at it from my view, though: we’re not kept waiting too long for that lovely textbook key change, and the sax that comes in towards the end just adds that little bit more. Sure, there’s nothing seasonal in the lyrics – the original was released in June – but as we saw with Love Me Like You, you don’t necessarily need festive lyrics to have a great Christmas song. And I reckon this is.

Tom: Yep, if I try and treat this with a bit of objectivity, there’s little to complain about: the production’s spot-on.

Tim: In that case I’d suggest for you another cover, and one that’s also entirely devoid of festive lyrics: Siouxsie & the Banshees’s Face To Face, from the Batman Returns soundtrack; that’s on the EP as well. It’s wonderfully Christmassed up, and is so weird but also so great, so check that out.

Saturday Flashback: Emmy the Great & Tim Wheeler – Home for the Holidays

“That string section is just wonderful.”

Tom: I have no idea how I’ve never heard this track before. It’s absolutely lovely. But I warn you: it’s a song that gets worse each time you listen to it, so before you read any further, have a listen through.

Tim: Okay, but I’ll be very upset if you’re about to ruin it for me.

Tim: Hmm, seems quite nice to me, aside from Tim in the video looking glum, as if he’s only just realised that Ash’s glory days are well and truly behind him.

Tom: Let me explain why I think it’s lovely: the message is exactly a mixture of optimistic and nostalgic: “did you ever make it out of here” is something that anyone who’s gone back to their old hometown for Christmas can relate to. And that string section is just wonderful.

Tim: Agreed, on all three counts.

Tom: It passes both of my Good Pop Tests: after listening to it only once, not only I could hum the chorus (which they opened the song with!), but I immediately wanted to hear it again.

Tim: Good, we’re in alignment, it’s a nice song. Shall we leave it there?

Tom: And that’s when I notice that there are things to dislike here.

Tim: Oh.

Tom: The football-chant clapping in the verses starts to grate after a while, and whoever decided to include sleigh bells in the same rhythm needs to have a long think about what they did. After a while, it’s all I can hear: this song would be so much better with, well, basically any other standard percussion here.

Tim: Hmmmm…all true, technically, but what you’ve really described here is just all the clichés that typically come with a standard Christmas song. Sure, they might get trying (particularly now you’ve pointed them out to me), but I do at least prefer that to what might otherwise be a boring 2-4 beat clap.

Tom: I also have two notes on the video. First: that shot of Tim Wheeler singing while staring awkwardly into the distance really doesn’t need to be used as much as you think it does. Or at all.

Tim: Smiling would help, just a notch.

Tom: And second: wow, those couples must have had to kiss for a long, long time for those final shots.

Tim: Oh, well at least we’re finishing on a happy note.

Laser Dreams – Friday Night

“YES, here I am, the most important part of the song”

Tim: Since it’s Friday, let’s have this. We both quite liked their previous, so they’ve sent us their follow-up for consideration.

Tim: So, the first moments of that got me excited, with the guitar sounding fantastic. The verse came in, vocal sounding great and the production underneath also faultless.

Tom: True. And the pre-chorus is great too — although, while I know the 90s-aesthetic is a thing at the moment, I also think it might be getting just a bit overplayed. There’s only so many bright neon triangles the world can take.

Tim: But then…ooh, the chorus. It just, I don’t know, doesn’t sound enough – more like an extension of the verse than any separate part of the song.

Tom: Yes. You’re absolutely right: it needs kicking up one notch or two.

Tim: I don’t want to say it’s a problem with the vocal, but it certainly sounds like it needs backing up with just something else, something that says “YES, here I am, the most important part of the song”. Other than that: it’s great, particularly that middle eight. But I just want a bigger chorus, you know?

Galantis & Throttle – Tell Me You Love Me

“GLORY BE”

Tim: Every time I press play on a new Galantis track, I pray to all the gods I don’t believe in that Galantis will produce another Love On Me, and that my faith in them will be restored…

Tim: And GLORY BE it’s like an early Christmas present, because this is so much more enjoyable for me than any of their other recent tracks.

Tom: That’s a guarded compliment — I agree, but I’d love to hear why you phrased it quite like that.

Tim: It’s not as good as Love On Me, obviously – I’d rather a less disjointed instrumental chorus, and I’m still not satisfied with any track that skimps on a middle eight and a closing chorus – but it’s close enough to make me happy, very happy.

Tom: The chorus parts where it goes to complete silence are a bit unpleasant to listen to, but yes: this sounds like Galantis are back on form.

Tim: To be honest, parts of it are so close to Love On Me that I kind of suspect a copy and paste job, but never mind – like I said, I’m happy, and reassured.

Gwen Stefani feat. Blake Shelton – You Make It Feel Like Christmas

“When my foot starts automatically tapping along to a song, I figure that’s a good sign.”

Tim: Gwen, who we all know (and who I was astounded to learn the other day is nearly 50), and Blake, her boyfriend who was apparently recently named the sexiest man alive – who knew? This here, the title track from her new Christmas album, and damn is it a good one.

Tom: So I’ve gained an appreciation of country-pop lately, and bloody hell, does Blake Shelton have a perfect voice for it. And you can feel its influence here: that introduction is very much half Shelton’s country, half Stefani’s pop. Plus, there are actual religious references in the chorus — that’s all country.

Tim: This, unlike yesterday, does have something. Well, not one thing in particular, but a collection: it’s fast, it’s bouncy, it’s a nice back and forth duet, and all in all it’s just…good.

Tom: When my foot starts automatically tapping along to a song, I figure that’s a good sign. All the elements here are really basic — that bassline is decades old, for starters — but they’re used perfectly. And it’s only two and a half minutes, which is exactly as long as it needs to be.

Tim: It’s got a great vibe to it, and while the sense and feelings are there very much as they were yesterday, this does so much more with them, and gives us a song that I actually really do want to hear again, and again, and again.

Tom: I don’t think it’s going to enter the Canon of Christmas Songs, but it’ll do nicely for this year.

Wiktoria – Not Just For Xmas

“It is extremely Christmassy”

Tim: I don’t know if you remember, but last year we only had about three or four Christmas songs throughout the whole month. This year seems to be more than making up for that, because boy oh boy do they just keep coming. Here, we’ve Wiktoria’s first Christmas track. And for early reassurance: she doesn’t pronounce it ‘Xmas’.

Tim: Gosh, that’s jolly, to the possible extent that, I will accept, it may be a tad (lot) sickening if you’re not in the mood.

Tom: I have to admit: it is extremely Christmassy, although I’m not sure whether that’s just because it’s regular schlager with a few bells added to it. And, let’s be honest, a really good voice.

Tim: Right, and if one is in the mood, then it really is all lovely and jolly, isn’t it? Though, that’s true of a whole lot of Christmas songs, really, and much as I’d love to say there’s something here that stands out…well, there isn’t.

Tom: It kept reminding me of some other Christmas song, and I couldn’t quite place it for such a long time — but that’s because the other song’s from a completely different genre. Ladies, gentlemen, and all those in between: Fountains of Wayne. The chord progression and cadence in that chorus are just close enough.

Tim: Hmmm…stretching that a bit, but I get where you’re coming from, and thanks for reminding me of it because it’s a good amount of fun. This, though, is a track that’ll go on a Christmas playlist, sure (which is more than I can say for that Sia one) – just, not really anywhere near the top.

Cazzi Opeia – Wild Ones

“Less of a not-quite-Icona-Pop, more of a not-quite-Sia. “

Tim: Let’s put Christmas aside for a bit, because we probably should, and you may or may not remember Cazzi Opeia’s most recent outing, Batman & Robin; if you don’t, there’s not much need to revisit it.

Tom: I do remember it! It was like Icona Pop’s “I Love It”, except significantly weirder. And not quite as good.

Tim: Sounds about right, yeah. This one’s a good deal more sensible, though not necessarily any more…standard? Possibly the closest word…oh, just press play.

Tom: Less of a not-quite-Icona-Pop, more of a not-quite-Sia. Including a child actor starring as “younger version of singer”. And the title “Wild Ones”, now I come to think of. Hm.

Tim: String samples, vocal twists, what sounds like reversed audio in there, a good beat all coming together to make a song that’s unexpectedly enjoyable. Unexpected, that is, because it really is quite a mish mash of elements, and it takes a hell of a skilled producer to make it sound good.

Tom: Enjoyable? Alas, it was just a bit dull for me: I’ll admit the chorus is burned into my head, but that’s because it’s a bit slow and repetitive. The mishmash keeps it from being a complete non-starter, but I just can’t get excited about it. Why’s it enjoyable for you?

Tim: Hard to say any immediate reasoning, other that it really just does it for me. Though if I did have to pick one specific moment, when it’s coming back in for that final chorus, it got me instinctively moving my head back and forth, in a good way. This…this is nice.

Saturday Flashback: Magnus Carlsson & Jessica Andersson – En stilla väntan

“I’m a sucker for a good male/female duet”

Tim: So this is one I really wanted to feature last year, but held off doing in case a proper video ever appeared; twelve months on, that’s seeming unlikely, so here’s a live version.

Tim: Upsettingly, I’ve no idea at all what the song’s about – can’t find any lyrics online, and I can’t even find a decent title translation that makes sense. On the other hand, it sounds bloody lovely, as I’m a sucker for a good male/female duet, and with those gorgeous strings rolling around in the background it’s giving me nice memories of Tor & Bettan, a Reject that’s still up in my top ten as a frequent listen.

Tom: Huh. For me, it’s just… well, it’s background music, really. Apart from that instrumental bit coming out of the chorus that sounds a bit like the theme tune to The Champions. Why do you like it so much?

Tim: This is a beautiful song, particularly with the rhythm in that wonderfully strong chorus, topped off with that lovely middle eight, and I really do love it.