Tim: So, here it is. Britain’s entry for Eurovision 2012, announced a while back as Engelbert Humperdinck to varying levels of enthusiasm. And now it’s here, so let’s have a listen.
Tom: First of all, he’s clearly still got the voice. And what a voice it is.
Tim: Indeed. It’s pretty much, well, exactly what I thought it would be, and to be honest what I was worried it would be. Sure, it’s a vaguely decent song, and there’s no doubting the guy can hit the notes – like you say, he’s still got the voice – but there are issues all over the place.
Tom: Here’s my problem, Tim: it’s not big enough. Let’s compare this to classic Humperdinck: his 1969 track Les Bicyclettes De Belsize. He’s got more behind him here, including a fairly muted drumkit, a backing choir, and what appears to be a handbell.
Okay, so the latter is probably a bit much, granted; but for someone who rivalled Tom Jones in more ways than one, his voice needs something more behind it than a solitary guitar. Otherwise it sounds a bit like a man shouting in the middle of a funeral parlour.
Tim: That’s one issue, right there. Then there’s the key change. They often get criticised for only being used to liven up a dull song, often unfairly and unjustly. But here, that’s exactly what it’s doing, and it’s so predictable it’s almost pathetic. It’s not even a good one that’s accompanied by a magnificent increase in instrumentation or anything.
Tom: Well, here’s another example: Release Me. His songs didn’t get bigger than this. Orchestra and choir, and still his voice is beating them all – and you get the feeling his voice would still beat them all without a microphone. Just listen to that key change!
Tim: Yes – that’s a decent one. My main problem, though, is that I can’t imagine this as a decent performance. We all know Eurovision’s just as much about putting on a decent show as it is singing a good song, but you couldn’t have bright lights moving all over the place with this, or scantily clad dancers on plinths throwing their legs all over the place. All you could justifiably have is, well, what’s in the video – like you said, it’s just not big enough.
Regardless of whether there’s such a thing as a Eurovision track or not, this sure as hell won’t be a Eurovision performance.
Tom: As far as I can tell, neither of us has any criticisms of the lyrics, the melody or the singer. It’s a decent song, and he can certainly sing it. It’s a proper, modern euro-ballad.
Tim: No it’s not – like you say, it’s nowhere near big enough with just that guitar and the strings. Would even a couple of drums be too much to ask for? Right now it’s nowhere near a euro-ballad – it’s closer to a euro-campfire song.
Tom: It’ll just be a very static, and very pared-down performance, and I’ve honestly got no idea how Eurovision will react to it.
Tim: My prediction: older folks, and people that know and like him, will get on with it well. Everybody else? They’ll be hoping Jedward’s not too far away.