Tag: Nicole Scherzinger

Nicole Scherzinger feat. 50 Cent – Right There

“It’s Hoff time.”

Tom: Can you forgive her for kicking Our Cheryl off the US X Factor, Tim?

Tim: Yes, bec—

Tom: Don’t worry, I don’t actually care about the answer.

Tom: Before we talk about the song, let’s handle that video. That’s 50 Cent, wearing outdoor clothing in front of a bad bluescreen. Know what that reminds me off?

Tim: I’m worried that I might.

Tom: That’s right: it’s Hoff time.

Tim: And, there it is.

Tom: And frankly, I think the Hoff’s track is a damn sight better than this. She’s got INJU5TICE syndrome with all the eh-eh-ehs, and the endless “me like” is just as irritating. Is there a melody in there anywhere? I’m not sure. And okay, Fiddy’s good at what he does and his opening rap isn’t bad – but then it’s straight back to ‘hurr this is how good I am in bed’.

Tim: Forget the music, I’m slightly in awe of the video, or at least the start of it – it is, without question, the worst opening 90 seconds of a music video for a song by two big artists for the past long long time. The cheap blue screen, the incredibly dodgy sliding pavement, the weird synchronised-chicken dancing.

Tom: There’s an actual repeat-until-fade though. How often do we see that any more?

Tim: Normally, that happens if they can’t think of a good ending for a song. I suppose here, their acknowledging that means they can sort of avoid the bigger truth that they couldn’t think of a good beginning or middle either.

Tom: Bring back the Hoff, that’s what I say.

Mohombi ft. Nicole Scherzinger – Coconut Tree

This song is undeniably enjoyable.

Tim: You know Swedish-Moroccan person RedOne, or at least you certainly know his work. If we had one, he’d probably be Europlop’s Official Favourite Producer, due to his output consisting of work such as The Silence, Straight Through My Heart, Oui mais… non, Alejandro and many others. Now it turns out he’s even better than we thought, because he can make one of the Pussycat Dolls listenable.

Tom: Bloody hell, that’s a bold claim.

Tim: This song seems to be just about two people having fun lazing around on a beach, and to be honest I wouldn’t mind doing that right now, so I’m a little bit jealous really. Still, I won’t begrudge them a decent review, because this song is undeniably enjoyable.

Tom: “Under the coconut tree / you be chillin’ wi’ me”? Really? This isn’t the 90s, and this track isn’t sung by Peter Andre.

Tim: What – you won’t allow that but you’ll happily let Olly Murs off rhyming feet with beach? Back in the world of listenable music, though, Mohombi is half-Swedish and half-Congolese, and I think both sides come out in this track.

Tom: I can’t deny that – and you’re right that Nicole Whatsherface is actually listenable here as well.

Tim: The singing is full of energy, the music is vibrant, and if they don’t do something good with the video I’ll be very disappointed, because there’s certainly potential here.

Tom: It just seems like someone took a track from fifteen years ago and updated it with modern production – and my brain can’t quite get around the discontinuity. Even the bridge, lovely as it is, is definitely old-school. There’s even a bit of ‘Agadoo’ in there, I think.

Tim: Really? I can’t hear a problem, although I’ve got to admit I do have quite a soft spot for Agadoo. This is definitely the sort of song that would get me going if I was feeling a bit lethargic; for that it gets full marks.