Europlop’s Sunday Remixes: Vol. 1

We can’t deny that we’ve featured more than a handful of not very good tracks.

Tim: We can’t deny that we’ve featured more than a handful of not very good tracks. Fortunately, there are people out there who Take Steps to rectify such issues with what people in the musical business call ‘remixes’, and here are a few. First up, the Kardinal Beats Remix of JLS’s Love You More.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qo6wZIdB1E

Tim: The original was boring and didn’t really deserve to be playlisted on any radio station ever, but foolishly was by BBC Radio 1. This, on the other hand, deserved to be playlisted by every popular radio music station ever, and sensibly was by BBC 1Xtra (which does, it seems, have some redeeming features). It has vibrancy, excitement – it even sounds like the guys are putting some effort into it, which is nice when it’s a charity single.

Tom: I know it wouldn’t play well with the mums-and-daughters demographic that actually buys Children in Need singles, but I’d much prefer this to be the actual single. There does seem to be a bit of a disconnect between the hard beats and the soulful vocals though; I feel like I’m listening to a mashup, even though I’m not.

Not sure about the sleigh bell and whistle samples though.

Tim: Next up, there’s admittedly only so much you can do with a song described as fomulaic and less good than Nickelback, but the excellent folks at Almighty have had a pretty decent go at Shayne Ward’s version of Gotta Be Somebody:

Tom: Oh, Almighty, you wonderful people. You name the track, they’ll produce a danceable version of it. Even if they really shouldn’t.

Tim: The energy here has been pushed through the ceiling, the bridge has been made into something proper – the song as a whole has moved from ‘radio playlist crap’ to ‘dance floor choon’, and I think it’s much better for it.

Tom: I would dance to this. Probably quite badly.

Tim: I can imagine, although I’m not sure there’s much of a ‘probably’ involved. But moving on, you remarked that a dance mix of The Wanted’s Heart Vacancy would go down well in under-18 clubs. I think the DJs From Mars remix may fit the bill rather nicely.

Tom: Blimey, that opening’s brilliant. DJs From Mars have done some sterling work in the past, and this is no exception.

Tim: This is not a tune where the band members can just sit down in the video – or if they do, they at least need to move their arms around a bit. Energy-wise, it’s far more on a level with decent music that the original was, and while it’s not going to win any awards it is a significant improvement, and should be applauded.

Tom: The ‘in your heart, in your heart, in your heart’ bit doesn’t fit in, but that’s fine – it didn’t in the original either. When the beat drops, the dancefloor will fill up – although I’m suspecting that the dancefloor will be a teen club night somewhere uninspiring. Wakefield, say.

Tim: One of my cousins used to read this blog. He probably won’t any more, so thanks for that.

Shayne Ward – Gotta Be Somebody

He clearly thinks he’s gone back in time five years

Tim: Shayne Ward’s BACK! apparently. Well, that’s what he said on The X Factor on Sunday, so it must be true. Here he is with his very own version of Nickelback’s Gotta Be Somebody.

Tom: Otherwise known as every Nickelback song ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpkdvhRHLho

Tom: The autotune on that is actually offensive. When used properly, it can be a decent effect. That’s just horrible.

Tim: Now, he clearly thinks he’s gone back in time five years, because let’s be frank: this is not just a song from an X Factor winner – it is an X Factor Winner’s Song:

  • Cover of a fairly well known song.
  • A quiet start then kicking in a little bit halfway through the first verse.
  • Good chorus, leading out to a second verse with considerably more energy than the first.
  • Nice bit of calm in the bridge.
  • Musical exposion to follow.

You may doubt this formula, especially parts two and three, but check any one you want. All it’s missing is Dermot in the video yelling his name.

As a winner’s song. it’s not bad. Decent source material helps, nice bit of synth work in the background brings it up to date.

Tom: I really dislike this, because it’s got the major-key chord structure that forces my brain to get enthusiastic about it. Like you say, it is a Winner’s Song, and for that reason I hate it.

Tim: As an actual song, well, it’s still not bad, but it sure as hell isn’t good. It’s just formula, and isn’t remotely exciting. Even in the loud ending he doesn’t seem particularly energetic – it’s as if he went into a studio and said, ‘This sort of worked last time, let’s have another go. It’ll be something to pass the time.’

Tom: I think that’s the damned autotune.

Tim: Normally, a song like this would have four months of two hour weekly TV adverts, and so success is a given, deserved or otherwise, because it’s been implanted in the nation’s brain. This hasn’t, and so doesn’t get a free pass.

Tom: I’m about to say something that I don’t think has ever been said before: the Nickelback version is better.

Tim: Problem with the video: there is no way Shayne Ward has a stalker willing to take 230 pictures of him.