Tom: She’s on a boat! She’s on a boat! Everybody look at her, ‘cos she’s sailing on a boat!
Tim: She’s also breaking into hotel rooms, stealing dogs, burning cars and vandalising works of art.
Tom: Okay, the SUMMER DANCE CHOON season has officially started. Easy lyrics, simple chord progressions, and a video featuring impossibly airbrushed people being jerks in a tropical location.
Tim: Right – you hold her down, I’ll call the police.
Tom: It’s a good track, it’ll be in every club for the next few months, and unusually for the genre, it’s not about relationships, sex, money or bragging.
Tim: Hmm. I was going to say something about how being a young insufferable arsehole is also a tad familiar, but while searching for that I found this brilliant/appalling piece of tripe, which I’d temporarily like to distract you with.
Tom: Oh my word. That basically is 1990s Eurodance in one single video, isn’t it?
Tim: Following that, though, my thoughts on this: good? Meh. Average? Closer. Yes, in every club, and that’s just something I’ll have to put up with, I suppose.
Tom: The second time I listened to this, by the way, it started to annoy me a bit. I foresee full-blown grumbling irritation when I hear it in a couple of months. Oh, and I’ll leave the sex-tape jokes to you.
Tim: Come on man, move on – everyone’s talking about that other one now. Or they will be when I’ve uploaded it.
Tom: Speaking of which, how is your mum?
Tim: Oh. Oh, wow. That is…that is…oh, man, it is on. It. is. ON.