Tag: Tulisa

Tulisa – Living Without You

“Nope. Still wasn’t worth it.”

Tom: And to continue the week’s theme: the video went up in October, so fans have had pirated copies for months. But hey, you could have pre-ordered it, and a slightly better quality version will drop into your iTunes account today!

Tim: That’s DEFINITELY what every person will do. But, Tulisa, really?

Tom: I’ll be honest, I wasn’t going to bother with this, and then I saw the name on the YouTube account: SteveAATW. Yep, this is an All Around The World records release, them of Clubland fame, so I’m at least giving it a chance.

Tom: First of all, I bet that’s the first time in a while that an AATW release has booked any male eye candy for a video.

Tim: Nope. Still wasn’t worth it. You know, I’ve made some sacrifices for this site, but few more than sitting through three and a half minutes of that tripe.

Tom: Yep. That is disappointingly generic. I know that’s generally what 90% of Clubland releases sound like, and it’s the spectacular 10% that make it all worthwhile, but… huh. It’s not exactly a floor-filler, is it?

Tim: Nope. Really, really, not. Dull, tedious and basically something I want to switch off after a minute.

Tulisa ft. Tyga – Live It Up

“Hate’s a strong word, really.”

Tom: I predict you’re going to hate this, Tim, but that’s mainly because I hate it.

Tim: Hate’s a strong word, really, but you’re not far off. Still, let’s write about it anyway.

Tom: I think it’s the grating, endless air-raid siren sample that started me on the disliking path, followed by suddenly realising the speaking-in-tongues backing existed, and not being able to hear anything else.

Tim: For me it’s just so slow – during the verses, there’s an incredibly dull beat in the background, and the lines she sings are punctuated by equal amounts of silence from her, which accentuates that.

Tom: The song goes nowhere, does nothing, occasionally does an irritating fake-silent bit, and – just to kick folks when they’re down – has a not-clever poorly-flowing rap as a middle eight.

Tim: Were you honestly expecting anything else? That’s almost the worst part about the rap bit – yes, it’s crap, but you knew it was going to be crap as soon as the second chorus ended, and then it just meanders along. I’m reminded of the scene in Austin Powers where the guy’s twenty metres from the slow-moving truck and screams at it desperately to stop rather than getting out of the way, except here we can’t get out of the way so it’s not funny.

Tom: Then there’s the generic beach video, in which she seems to be wearing enough makeup for a small army of drag queens – either that, or she’s been badly digitally airbrushed in post.

Tim: Does look like quite a fun beach party, though, and by the looks of their dancing they had some much better music than this in the background.

Tom: In summary: don’t like it.

Tim: Likewise. But something good’s come from it: we’ve just written a thorough, detailed, grown-up review of a song we both dislike, rather than descending into the usual snark and cheap digs. I hate to say this, Tom, but I think we’ve matured.

Tom: Like your mum.

Tim: What?

Tom: Sorry, that doesn’t even make sense, does it?

Tim: In the literal sense of growing older, yes; as a joke? Not remotely.

Tulisa – Young

SUMMER DANCE CHOON season has officially started.

Tom: She’s on a boat! She’s on a boat! Everybody look at her, ‘cos she’s sailing on a boat!

Tim: She’s also breaking into hotel rooms, stealing dogs, burning cars and vandalising works of art.

Tom: Okay, the SUMMER DANCE CHOON season has officially started. Easy lyrics, simple chord progressions, and a video featuring impossibly airbrushed people being jerks in a tropical location.

Tim: Right – you hold her down, I’ll call the police.

Tom: It’s a good track, it’ll be in every club for the next few months, and unusually for the genre, it’s not about relationships, sex, money or bragging.

Tim: Hmm. I was going to say something about how being a young insufferable arsehole is also a tad familiar, but while searching for that I found this brilliant/appalling piece of tripe, which I’d temporarily like to distract you with.

Tom: Oh my word. That basically is 1990s Eurodance in one single video, isn’t it?

Tim: Following that, though, my thoughts on this: good? Meh. Average? Closer. Yes, in every club, and that’s just something I’ll have to put up with, I suppose.

Tom: The second time I listened to this, by the way, it started to annoy me a bit. I foresee full-blown grumbling irritation when I hear it in a couple of months. Oh, and I’ll leave the sex-tape jokes to you.

Tim: Come on man, move on – everyone’s talking about that other one now. Or they will be when I’ve uploaded it.

Tom: Speaking of which, how is your mum?

Tim: Oh. Oh, wow. That is…that is…oh, man, it is on. It. is. ON.