Zlata Ognevich – Gravity

“Seriously, WHAT.”

Tim: I know, Tom, I know, you don’t like Eurovision spoilers, and for that reason I won’t say a word to describe this song, which is Ukraine’s entry. Push the mute button, and watch the video. (It’s safe to say this is not the performance you’ll be watching on the night.)

Tim: And what about that.

Tom: Crikey.

Tim: Dragonflies made of GOLD LIGHT. Butterflies made of BLUE LIGHT. MYSTIC SPARKS. Islands FLOATING IN THE SKY. STUPIDLY-COLOURED hummingbirds. UNICORNS. Bloody UNICORNS. Seriously, WHAT.

Tom: You know what it reminds me of? David Hasselhoff’s legendary video for Hooked on a Feeling, only with a much higher CGI budget. We’ve got a greenscreen, let’s do everything with it.

Tim: You may be wondering why Ukraine, a small country, chose to spend probably a majority of its entire GDP on one three-minute video, and, by any sensible judgment, you’d be right to ask. According to the YouTube wizards, it had a lot to do with the people. Once the song had been chosen, last December (yes, December), the broadcaster said, roughly: give us your ideas. And boy, did they get ideas. 608, to be precise – some, apparently, were “constructive”, and others were “fantastic/impossible”. You know, I would love to know what the impossible ones were. Dinosaurs? Swarming armies of Triffids?

Tom: Having any sense of reserve?

Tim: BUT. It wasn’t just the video – there’s a reason the song was chosen in December. I said I wouldn’t describe the song, and I won’t, but once it had been chosen by the public, elements of it were put up for review on Ukraine’s premier social networking site – the tempo, how many choruses, prominence of backing vocals, ‘power’ of the opening – and votes were taken. Results were gathered, the composers went back to their room, and two months later we have a song, considerably different, and improved, from the original. That, my friend, is how a voting public decides a song.

Tom: Blimey. Somehow I can’t see the BBC managing that.