Category: Europop

Alphabeat – Love Sea

“Hey, they’ve covered The Who! Oh, wait. What?”

Tim: Hey, they’ve covered The Who! Oh, wait. What?

Tom: OUT HERE IN THE FIELDS! I… huh. Yeah, you’re right, they’ve covered The Who.

Tim: Yes, but then it’s not just that, is it? I mean, have they turned into a multi-target tribute band with telling anyone? Because first there’s the intro, which is, as we’ve agreed, unmistakably almost identical to Baba O’Riley (which is here, for anyone who’s not heard it, in which case they should listen to it now because it’s brilliant), and then there’s the ‘come on closer’ line, which is straight from Whitney Houston’s How Will I Know.

Tom: The first two lines are almost the same as “It’s a quarter after one…” from Lady Antebellum’s Need You Now.

Tim: OH GOD, I hadn’t noticed those as well, but you’re right.

Tom: In fact, almost everything in this track reminds me of something else. It’s strange to listen to: there’s something to be said for familiarity, but this is just plain weird.

Tim: It is, and you reckoned that their last one, Vacation, had similarities to other tracks as well.

Tom: “One two three, you’re in love with me” is probably original, that’s just because all other bands would have rejected it for sounding like it was written by a six-year-old.

Tim: What I want to know is: how did this happen? No-one — but no-one — in the music industry could fail to recognise either of those, surely, so this can’t be accidental. But their first album, with tracks like 10,000 Nights and Fascination was so original and inventive that I just can’t see quite what’s going on.

Tom: Despite all that, it’s still a catchy song.

Tim: Oh, I agree – don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a good track, as however unoriginal parts of it may be, it all goes together very well and sounds great. It’s just – what’s with the lifted stuff?

Jippu – Eva (Nukutaan Kielletyllä Iholla)

Isn’t that just glorious?

Tim: In English, this is Eva (We Sleep On Forbidden Skin), and blimey is it a builder. I was almost quick to dismiss it, but don’t do that.

Tim: Isn’t that just glorious?

Tom: Good grief, yes. That’s a textbook build; instrument after instrument slowly, beautifully layered on top of each other. You scarcely notice what’s going on until the percussion kicks in. Something I’ve never done before: I started to mock-conduct during that middle eight, and my jaw actually dropped a little when that final triumphant chorus arrived.

Tim: Quick background to the lyrics: it’s a generic ‘you’re the only one who understands me’ type song, with a twist of ‘no-one else approves’ and then an oddity or two thrown in for good measure – the repeated line at the end of the chorus, for example, talks about braiding each other’s hair. The buildup in the middle eight repeats the main message: you see everything that no one else loves, basically.

Tom: Aww, that’s lovely.

Tim: Isn’t it just? And that music, well, like you say, plays a blinder. Yes, it starts off slow and a tad dull, but that’s only natural and proper when it’s destined to build up like it is, because otherwise it would blow out the speakers and that’s not right for a song with this sort of message. She has a lovely voice to send it out, and whoever he is he’d do very well to heed her advice and ignore other people’s views, and just sit there and listen to her sing. Whilst braiding her hair.

It’s not flawless: the middle eight goes on for one repetition too long, I reckon (although if they’d added another layer of instrumentation on the fourth go that would also be fine).

Tom: I think there is one – there’s some extra percussion that comes in, but by that point it’s busy enough it’s difficult to notice.

Tim: Perhaps, but what I’d really like is a repetition of the final triumphant chorus – somehow even at four minutes long this song doesn’t overstay its welcome (and that’s high praise indeed from me).

Tom: Agreed: and I’d almost like to hear it stepped up one more notch, just to see what a wall of sound that extra chorus would have been. Can’t ding it any points for that, though – it’s beautiful.

Moa Lignell – Whatever They Do

It would be nice if we could have a selection of templates.

Tim: If you’re scared of spiders, or terrifying haircuts, you might want to turn away for the middle part of this video. Just so you know.

Tom: BLOODY HELL! I don’t know whether that’s just because you primed me with the word “spider”, but that genuinely made me jump. Gah.

Tim: Good, isn’t it? Now, sometimes I think it would be nice if we could have a selection of templates, so that if we think a track isn’t hugely interesting we could act in kind and not put much effort into reviewing.

Tom: Aha! A Forer Effect test for music – the kind of generic personality description that most people think actually applies to them.

Tim: For example, it could go like this:

Well, this starts out pleasantly and vaguely promisingly, though to be honest by end of the first verse I was getting bored. Fortunately, the chorus came along and added enough variety to keep me listening, though it fairly soon became background tab fodder and my brain just sorted of tuned out. It’s nice, I suppose, but, well, couldn’t they have brought the final chorus forward to the other ones and then spiced that bit up even more?

Tom: Yep, that’ll do. It’s surprising how much pop music fits into that template.

Tim: Because I think that sums it up fine, and you’re right, a lot of songs are like this. It would be a lot easier, therefore, if we could just copy it in.

Tom: I think in future, we just won’t cover them at all.

Nova Delai – Should I

“My name is Nova Delai, and these are my boobies”

Tim: “My name is Nova Delai, and these are my boobies”

Tom: And skirt. There’s a lot of skirt in there.

Tim: The thing is, they were probably trying to make some sort of point with that video gimmick, maybe like how it could be any woman in her position, wondering whether to leave her boyfriend or not, but how on Earth did no-one spot that all they were doing was filming her breasts?

Tom: Now, there’s a whole discussion to be had there on whether a torso shot – and a particularly chaste torso shot at that – counts as ‘filming her breasts’, but if YouTube comments are anything to go by, then that’s all that anyone’s noticed.

Tim: It is entirely distracting from what is actually a pretty good song.

Tom: It’s not my cup of tea really, but I’m not sure why – decent melody, decent percussion, ticks all the boxes for a decent song… but somehow it didn’t grab me. Can’t explain why.

Tim: Fair enough. And at least this ‘should I leave him?’ video doesn’t feature a beach party.

Belle – Sisters Anthem

Bloody hell, that starts as it means to go on.

Tim: Part of me can’t help feeling that they left an apostrophe out of the title of this because no-one was entirely sure where to put it. Anyway, some feminism for you.

Tom: Bloody hell, that starts as it means to go on.

Tim: Let’s get through the annoying parts first: the camp voiceover bloke, the existence of ‘anthem’ and ‘women’ as three syllables and aforesaid apostrophe absence. Any others that spring to mind?

Tom: The camp voiceover bloke is a new way to avoid YouTube ripping – and it’s going to be effective, although I’m not sure if annoying the hell out of your audience is the right way to go.

Tim: I really don’t think it is, but I suppose time will tell. Anyway, of those three, only one is actually present in the music, and that can be sort of vaguely justified what with rhythm and all that, so first glance: this is okay. Second hearing, though, it’s actually a bit dull, and I’ve realised that not only are lyric videos a cheap way of getting on YouTube but still looking professional —

Tom: Mind you, it’s not even a particularly well-designed lyric video; whoever’s put it together could use learning how to ease movement.

Tim: — but they can also be a way to distract the listener with pretty effects, a fact which had somehow passed me by until now. It’s not a bad song; it’s just that the lyric video’s more interesting, which I suppose can hardly be construed as heavy praise.

Tom: It seems almost robotic and mechanical; maybe it started too hard and had nowhere to go from there.

The Storm – Raver

“I’m expecting Scooter levels of intensity here, albeit with a bit less SHOUTING.”

Tim: With an act called The Storm and a song entitled Raver, you’ve probably got a few expectations about this track, and while I won’t spoil anything before hand, I will say that anyone with photo-sensitive epilepsy may wish to turn away before pushing the play button.

Tom: Let’s put it this way: I’m expecting Scooter levels of intensity here, albeit with a bit less SHOUTING.

Tim: And be honest: that met them, didn’t it?

Tom: I’m not sure my headphones could cope with that. I’m not sure YouTube compression can cope with that. I’m not sure speakers can cope with that. They’ve thrown everything at that chorus – it’s a shame they couldn’t have dipped the verses by a couple of decibels so it wasn’t all so distorted, but that’s not how music works these days. That’s a minor technical complaint though: it’s not like I’d notice that in a club. I’d be too busy danc– WHOA! dubstep out of nowhere!

Tim: It has everything (everything) a modern dance rave number needs, up to and including the dubstep breakdown. Wonder if we’ll ever stop mentioning those?

Tom: Not when they’re as startling as this one. Dubstep breaks your dance up like very little else – you can’t just put your hands up in the air to it, it’s too rhythmic for that, but it’s too slow for club dancing. I’m sure people manage it, but I can’t think how.

Tim: MOVEMENTS. As in, hands up and sway with occasional sudden sweeps, almost interpretative dance style. At least, that’s how I do it.

And even the video sets the scene nicely, going with the lengthy post-chorus thrash-your-head-around-until-your-neck-hurts. And of course there’s the chorus, which starts off on a triumphant note and then brings in a great melody and lyrics that just sound great.

Tom: And the last chorus in particular is gorgeous – how the piano synth is still audible under that wall of sound, I’ve no idea.

Tim: PURE VOLUME. But actually, those lyrics only really sound great provided you don’t listen too closely, because if you do you’ll find out that this beat-heavy jump-all-over-the-place number is in fact a fairly soppy “I’m leaving you” track in very heavy make-up, and to be honest I don’t know if that spoils it a bit or makes it even more awesome. I think it’s the latter, so super.

September – Hands Up

Still not up there with the tracks from her first album.

Tim: So this is the new one from September, last seen with the distinctly disappointing Me & My Microphone. Is this track, also from the Love CPR album, any better?

Tim: Well, sort of. Still not up there with the tracks from her first album, unfortunately, because there’s still not a lot going on in the chorus. Compare the chorus here with this one, and there’s just no contest at all. I wouldn’t mind the gentle chorus if it was actually building to something, but here there’s nothing, really, before we go back to the verses, which are weirdly the most interesting part of the song. The towards the end it picks up, admittedly, but then it finishes on that annoying repetitive bit that really doesn’t do anything for me. I don’t know – I want to like it, but I just don’t feel enthused by it.

Tom: Like a lot of the tracks coming from the ‘old guard’ – there’s an odd name for acts that are less than ten years from their first album – it’s just not all that special. And we’re expecting something special.

Tim: We are, and this just isn’t it. One particular reason I want to enjoy it is that this may be the last we heard from her, at least in this form.

Tom: Interesting. Unlike some Eurodance “projects”, September refers to the singer herself, rather than a collective of musicians co-ordinated by a record company – so it really will be the end for it.

Tim: Well, not entirely – according to PR stuff that’s been sent out, back in Sweden she’s now recording under her actual name, with a new sound that’s apparently a mixture of Coldplay, Florence & The Machine and Depeche Mode. Though I suppose that does sound more interesting than either this or her last one.

Tom: Agreed: at first, I thought “ah, it’s a shame it’s over” – but I’m remembering the cracking early tracks. Perhaps something new is a better idea.

Basic Element feat. Max C – Shades

“I like this. Quite a lot. Sort of.”

Tim: I don’t really have anything to say to introduce this, so let’s just have a listen.

Tim: I like this. Quite a lot. Sort of.

Tom: “Check out my swag / yo, peep my style”. I should despise this, but the instrumentation is so good I can’t bring myself to it.

Tim: It is so good, isn’t it? The judgement does, as it does so often, come down to the rap bit, which for me is bordering on the edge of being too long. I was really enjoying it at the start and through the first heavy dance bit, but then had to calm down, and towards the end of it, I was on the verge of getting bored and giving up on it, to be honest.

Tom: It almost borders into “generic floor-filler attempt” at the end, but it’s saved at the end.

Tim: Well quite – just before I did turn it off, it stopped, the dance came back and I was all, “Oh, yes, this is why I’m listening to it.” The second interlude seems to pass a bit more quickly, and so overall: a great dance track, but one that’s almost ruined by the rapping.

Tom: For once, the rapping doesn’t bother me too much – there’s plenty of things going on in the background to distract.

Amy Diamond – Sommaren Är Här

“Doesn’t the concept make you want to vomit?”

Tim: Charity single! Ask me what charity it’s for.

Tom: What charity’s it for, Tim?

Tim: Not a clue. Something to do with children, though, and you’ll be delighted when you find out how I’ve deduced that.

Tom: Oh, I don’t like the way this is going.

Tim: That’s right, it’s CHILDREN’S CHORUS TIME! It’s also, joyously and sickeningly, a song with lyrics written by said children, whose title means “Summer Is Here”. Doesn’t the concept make you want to vomit?

Tom: Yes. Yes it does.

Tim: AND YET: doesn’t the song make that impossible, because it’s so lovely? Said kiddy-written lyrics are as harmless, happy and, let’s face it, banal as you’d expect, talking about fishing with grandpa, eating ice cream, walking the dog and dancing to Moves Like Jagger.

Tom: I did have to go back and check that I’d actually heard those words and that it wasn’t my brain making Swedish words sound almost-English. Nope. “Moves Like Jagger” is in there. I’m assuming that “um te um te um ti um” doesn’t need translating.

Tim: I don’t think so, no. Now, you (Tom and/or reader) may be feeling grouchy–

Tom: I am. Believe me, I am. I wasn’t before I heard this song.

Tim: –but do this for me: force a smile on your face, listen to the chorus, sway your body from side to side and SING ALONG. If that doesn’t keep the smile on your face then you’re just an EVIL PERSON who HATES CHILDREN.

Tom: Hey, you don’t have to be evil to hate children!

Tim: No, but you’d have to be evil not to smile and hate children not to like this song; ergo, an EVIL PERSON who HATES CHILDREN.

Do you want that to be you? DO YOU? No. So BLOODY WELL SMILE.

Tom: You can’t see me, but I’m flicking the Vs at you so much right now.

Tim: Fine. I will console myself with the fact that your earlier protest made it seem like you were fine with people thinking that you hate children, as long as they don’t think you’re evil as well.

Tom: I actually am fine with that.

Tim: And I think that proves my point.

Johanna – Alive

Listen to this, and be taken back ten years to the glory days of Eurotrance.

Tim: Listen to this, and be taken back ten years to the glory days of Eurotrance.

Tom: I am SOLD.

Tim: This is a remix by Moreno & Shane Deether, whoever they may be, but it’s out there as the official version which is good because it’s flipping marvellous. Hands in the air, fists pumping, jump up and down like a maniac, who cares what you look like because you’re HAVING FUN. Unfortunately, it’s a decade too late, but that doesn’t mean we can’t review it as though it were 2002. Let’s begin.

Tom: Hmm. Well, it may be the glory days of Eurodance in 2002, but it certainly isn’t one of the glorious tunes.

Tim: At the moment, no – it’s a middle-of-the-compilation-album track rather than a lead-in tune, but it’s safe to say that the “glad I’m feeling alive” would be the line chosen to finish the TV advert off.

Tom: Over a shot of generic Ayia Napa beach shots and pictures of attractive women dancing, no doubt.

Tim: Well, obviously. If it gets picked up by Dave Pearce, though, I can easily see this being another Castles in the Sky or Heaven, so let’s hope. And if you find the ringtone composer notes for it, let me know.

Tom: Wow. I think I just got slapped in the face by nostalgia.