Category: Mainstream

The Wanted – Walks Like Rihanna

It’s The Wanted’s best single yet! And the most lyrically awkward!

Tim: It’s The Wanted’s best single yet! And the most lyrically awkward!

Tom: So what, was “Moves like Rihanna” a bit too close to Maroon 5?

Tim: Musically, this is fantastic, and I genuinely think it has the potential to be the boyband track of the year.

Tom: Agreed.

Tim: Before we even get to the chorus, we’ve got decent verses that aren’t just filler and good fulfilling instrumentation. And then the chorus and post chorus, which is a fantastic hook, repetitive and memorable in a very good way.

Tom: Yep. There’s a reason that Simon Cowell called his reality show “The X Factor” – that indescribable something is very much in this track.

Tim: Lyrically, though, oh dear me. “She can’t sing, she can’t dance, but who cares? She walks like Rihanna.” My god, what a terrible, terrible chorus line that is.

Tom: And let’s be honest, “she’s the freakiest thing” in the first verse isn’t the greatest compliment in the world — but really, does Rihanna really walk in some special way?

Tim: I don’t think so, no, but there’s an alternative that came to me. Imagine, if you will, you’re a media company exec, and a songwriter has pitched you a track. It’s brilliant, and it’s very, very similar to this one. Except, unfortunately, it contains a really rather naughty word in the chorus.

Tom: Oh. Ohhhh. Right.

Tim: And that word gives you an image you’d rather not play out across your family-friendly radio station five times a day. So you want to change that word – not too much, as that might ruin the song a bit. So keep, say, the last couple of letters. The ‘ks’. Hey! “Walks”! That fits. That’ll do nicely. You’ve got a great track; even if the chorus words make no sense, the rest is still brilliant.

Tom: That fits far too well.

Tim: Now, OBVIOUSLY, I’m not saying that’s what happened – it may not even be remotely likely. But just imagine what that original line may have sounded like. And now enjoy hearing that every time you hear this song. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Swiss Lips – U Got The Power

“A vague impression of oversized trousers and neon colours.”

Tom: A video entirely made of 80s breakdance movie clips. It’s not bad, but it could distract from the track a bit.

Tom: It distracted me enough that, at the end of my first listen, I couldn’t think of much to say about the song. I couldn’t even remember it; I just got a vague impression of oversized trousers and neon colours.

Tim: It is distracting, you’re right, but not as distracting as what is really, really meant to follow that very first line. “If you’ve got the power, I’ve got the feeling” ah, we’re getting down tonight. One if you’re gonna, two if you wanna…just me?

Tom: Oh, blimey. No. Not just you. Not any more. That’s the song completely ruined, then – in that I can only hear the other, better track over the top of it.

Tim: YOU’RE WELCOME.

Tom: So anyway: listen number two. Just the audio this time. And… hmm. Well, it’s generic synthpop, and I’m still struggling to say anything about it.

Tim: Well, I’ll say that everything’s alright.

Tom: The chorus is good, I suppose? It seems to be about three and a half minutes of a moderately good track that goes in one ear and out of the other.

Tim: The chorus, yes, that’s not bad. Not hugely inspiring, not particularly novel, but not the most memorable part of the song either.

Tom: Am I being unfair here? There’s nothing actually wrong with it, I just find that it slips my brain straight away.

Tim: FIVE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALRIGHT.

Hurts – Blind

“Dark enough without the video.”

Tim: This is the second single off their very difficult second album; there’s a video for it, but it’s so dark it actually kind of spoiled the song for me, so I’m not even going to link to it. Instead, let’s have four and a half minutes of artwork.

Tim: According to my ratings, this is the joint-second best song on the album, though admittedly that’s not really saying much. It is, however, quite a bit closer to proper first-album Hurts than Miracle was, which is good.

Tom: And the song’s dark enough without the video: “cut out my eyes, and leave me blind”.

Tim: Oh God yes — the lyrics are…a bit off, shall we say. Firstly, I have a bit of a thing about eyes and violence, in that it really really freaks me out, so I could do with some nicer words, but secondly there’s the whole idea of it – I wish I hadn’t dumped you, but since I did I hope you’re just as miserable as me.

Tom: I have to remind myself that Hurts aren’t anywhere near happy-clappy even at their most upbeat – but there was so much more in those tracks on the first album.

Tim: There was, yes, and I suppose this is darker than previously; having said all that, though, there’s still the music. The tune. And it’s lovely. Just, really lovely. I really can’t fault it. And that, I suppose, it what Theo and Adam do when they’re at their best – horribly downbeat songs with great music behind them. IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, GUYS.

Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus – Ashtrays and Heartbreaks

“A mess.”

Tim: Wait, “Snoop Lion”? What?

Tom: Oh, did you not see that story? Yep, he’s changed his name again. “Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus”. Let’s just take a moment and realise how silly the music industry has gotten recently.

Tom: I don’t know what to think of this. It’s a mess of reverb and multi-tracked voices, as if the whole thing is being played back inside a large metal room.

Tim: NOISE. AWFUL.

Tom: Well, yes. By the time you’re about 60 or 90 seconds into the track, you’ve pretty much heard everything: if you’re going to try to milk a hook and chorus for this long, then you should at least have the decency to manage a key change or something. This just drones on a bit.

Tim: NOISILY. AWFULLY.

Tom: I’m still a bit stunned by the phrase “Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus”, really.

Tim: I think I could with a lie down. And possibly an overdose.

Moya – A Little More Love

“It’s fair to say this’ll be a hit with the Radio 2 audience.”

Tom: So she’s supported Mick Hucknall, and she will be supporting Rod Stewart. It’s fair to say this’ll be a hit with the Radio 2 audience.

Tom: And indeed: soulful female vocals over a piano introduction, inoffensive synth work in the background, lovely positive message.

Tim: Hmm. During that build-up that started at around 45 seconds, I was hoping it would really crash into something. It sort of did, but I must confess to feeling a tad deflated.

Tom: I can’t find anything wrong with this, to be honest, “a bit middle-of-the-road” isn’t really a criticism when levelled at something that really is middle-of-the-road.

Tim: True – mind you, similar logic doesn’t stop people criticising One Direction for being too commercial, or Jedward for being a disgrace to humanity.

Tom: It’s nice, but it does make me want to listen to something shouty.

Frankie Cocozza – Embrace

It’s TIME. To FACE. The GLOTTAL STOPS.

Tom: Frankie! Cocozza!

Tim: Total bellend, excellent Peter Dickson name.

Tom: You know how some musicians dull down their accent when they’re singing? Yeah, he’s not done that. It’s TIME. To FACE. The GLOTTAL STOPS.

Tim: That is not remotely what I thought it would be. Voice aside, which is like a male Kate Nash on steroids, I actually like it.

Tom: You know, despite not particularly liking the personality that showed on the X Factor – or that accent – I don’t really mind this song. I find it difficult to get any particular opinion worked up about it: it’s pleasant enough, seems to vaguely remind me of a half-dozen other slow songs, and would slip into the background of Heart Radio quite easily.

Tim: Yeah – a good enough description. And I’m even willing to forgive him that haircut, which somehow doesn’t look as terrible as you think it would.

Tom: But what’s with that outro? Those last few seconds sound like the generic ending of a sitcom theme tune – I’m half expecting a BBC copyright notice to scroll along the bottom of the video.

Tim: Haha – starring Frankie as the total knob whose trademark LOLs are all swearing on primetime TV ‘accidentally’. Oh, such funniness.

Avril Lavigne – Here’s To Never Growing Up

“This could have been a lower-key song off any of her earlier albums.”

Tim: Apparently, the kids today are all into Radiohead. Who knew?

Tim: Actually, that’s an entirely unfair way of looking at it; given that this was written by Avril herself (with Nickelback’s own Chad Kroeger).

Tom: Ah, Nickelback, the music industry’s punchline.

Tim: If we take this at a slightly deeper level it’s actually probably a sort of autobiographical song. A decade or so ago when she first started out, Radiohead were at the peak of their popularity in the US so really it’s a song about her being a Peter Pan sort of person.

Tom: And certainly, her music doesn’t seem to have changed all that much since then: this could, I think, have been a lower-key song off any of her earlier albums.

Tim: It’s not really a song aimed at teenagers, but instead at people her age. My age. Your age, if it’s not too late for that. Basically, the people that want to be kids forever. The people that don’t want a maturing pop sound but are instead as happy as they ever were with Avril Lavigne’s pleasant but somewhat shouty, pop output.

Tom: That’s certainly a pretty big audience.

Tim: Of course, teenagers could take a lesson from it – she’s 28 now, but she doesn’t want to let go (HA! Let Go.) of her youth.

Tom: I see what you did there.

Tim: Cheers – good, wasn’t it? Maybe she missed it while she had the chance, maybe she’s warning those damn kids to make the most of their childhood and adolescence while they can. Either way, I think this is far more analysis than I’ve ever given to any song before, maybe because it almost speaks to me directly.

It’s a flawed concept, obviously – we all have to grow up, and there’s perhaps a sense of desperation in the “won’t you say forever, if you stay forever we can stay forever young” – but’s a nice idea, and one I can try my hardest to cling to in the face of the gradually dawning reality that is my disappointingly unfulfilled life.

Tom: Wow. That got dark fast.

Tim: Yeah, it did, didn’t it? Damn it, I was in a really good mood when I started writing this. Sorry, everybody. This is basically a perfect example of why pop music should never ever meet real life.

Tom: So in summary: standard Avril Lavigne track, except it makes you feel a sense of existential dread. Fair enough.

Platnum – Love You Tomorrow

“Let’s have some BASSLINE.”

Tom: Yep, they’re still going. It surprised me too. Let’s have some BASSLINE.

Tom: Huh. For a group categorised under ‘bassline’, either my headphones aren’t working properly, or they’ve turned down the bass a bit.

Tim: Wasn’t entirely sure what ‘bassline’, so I checked Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit – even PR reps.

Tom: If Wikipedia works as it should, then by the time our readers click that link, all that self-promotional guff will have disappeared. We can only hope.

Tim: Well, it’s been there since June so I wouldn’t get to excited. OH WELL NEVER MIND.

Tom: Aside from blatantly borrowing the “naming the days of the week” thing from the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Got A Feeling” – only not quite finishing the job – this can get filed under Generic Dance Love Song.

Tim: I would argue: Somewhat Above Average Generic etc. It’s certainly no Thousand Suns or Colors, but it’s pretty good.

Tim: Yep, it’s a pretty good song as these things go. It’ll get remixed a dozen times – one of the more bass-filled mixes is going to be more my tastes – and it’ll go down well amongst the Dance Nation crowd.

Tom: HELLO!

Tim: It’s probably not going to trouble the charts – most of their tracks don’t – but that doesn’t mean it’s not any good.

Phoenix – Entertainment

“Wake up to the radio, think ‘ooh, this is pleasant'”

Tim: Standard story: wake up to the radio, hear it in a half-asleep state, think ‘ooh, this is pleasant’ and then find out what it was. A French band, which has somehow out of nowhere made it onto the Radio 1 B-list. (And Tom, you’ll want to skip the first 25 seconds.)

Tom: Skipped.

Tim: Standard story number 2: I don’t really know what’s going on in the video, and I don’t really mind, because it’s all about the music. The lyrics also are a bit of a mish-mash, but again, it’s the music that takes pride of place, because it really is cracking.

Tom: Really? That surprises me. It just seems over-distorted and a bit atonal to me. What stands out for you?

Tim: Well, while it’s perhaps not all that memorable, that’s largely because there’s a lot of it – it’s fast and fairly aggressive, but in a slightly dreamy manner (emphasised by the vocals). Until I’d heard this I’d have thought that was a somewhat ludicrous combination, but it really seems to work for me here. Very pleasant indeed.

Tom: It’s one of those tracks that – while I can understand why other people might like it – doesn’t engage me at all. Still, to each their own.

Dragonette – Run Run Run

“It’s all over the place.”

Previously, on Europlop:

Tom: Jenn D performed at the Popjustice party last Christmas. You know, the one we went to. And I don’t remember her at all.

Tim: You know what? Me neither. Although, that reminds me…

And now, the conclusion.

Tim: I do remember Dragonette being there. You won’t, because you left early (silly boy).

Tom: Hey, I saw about half their set before exhaustion overtook me.

Tim: Yeah, yeah, yeah, OLD MAN. Anyway, aside from putting on a pretty good performance, they filmed part of the video for the new track there.

Tom: Ooh, body-mount camera. That’s all very nicely done. But which bit was at the gig?

Tim: Specifically, the bit at about 2:32.

Tom: Ten frames? Fair enough. Full marks for learning the song backwards for some of those lip-sync shots, though.

Tim: Clever, isn’t it? It’s all over the place, fitting in nicely with the ‘run, run, run’ idea, and to be honest there’s not a lot I have to say about both it and the music beside gushing compliments (mmm, gushing).

Tom: Lowering the tone as ever. I agree it’s a good track – but, while I know the vocals in a Dragonette song are always beautifully sung but low-key, I can’t help feeling it could use a bit more enthusiasm here and there.

Tim: Really? I think it’s fairly bang on. The backing synths and drums are good, the voice is lovely as usual, melody’s great and the main line in the chorus is as good an example of a ‘get up and dance or be active in some other way’ line that I’ve heard for a while.

Tom: I’m not quite dancing in my seat – to be true, I can’t remember much of it, but I do have a vaguely warm and fuzzy feeling. Is that enough?

Tim: Yes, I suppose so. OLD MAN.