Mainstream – Page 85

Lady Gaga – Born This Way

An emergency late-night post: It’s amazing. And brilliant. And fantastic.

Tom: An emergency late-night post from the Europlop team now, as we’ve just had our first listen to this. We’re not waiting until Monday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ

Tim: It’s amazing. And brilliant. And fantastic. And amazing. Even though I said that already.

Tom: That spoken-word introduction made me wary, but then bloody hell that is amazing. We’re talking one-man first-listen desk-rave rave here.

Tim: Is a lot of it just hype? Possibly.

Tom: A one-man first-listen desk-rave, Tim. That never happens. Although I did calm down a bit after and realise it’s probably just Very Good rather than The Greatest Thing Ever. But it’s still very good.

Tim: It broke a record, going to number one in iTunes within three hours of being released, and that certainly wouldn’t have happened if the same record had been released by some unknown person.

On the other hand, that’s a stupid thing to say because it hasn’t been released by some unknown person, it’s been released by the most notable person in music right now. And that shines right through in the music, which is brilliant. Did I say that already?

Tom: Don’t know. Too busy dancing.

Tim: You may be one of those people that hates songs with Messages, and this is undoubtably one of those. But I don’t care, even if I normally would, because it’s fun, it’s energetic, it’s happy, it’s jumping around like a kid who’s just been given a pogo stick. There is just so much here, there’s just, well, everything. Basically, anybody who doesn’t like it is a moron.

Elton John and Leon Russell – When Love Is Dying

Soulful, melancholic Elton.

Tom: I’m not doubting that Elton John is a genius. If I could have seen the Red Piano tour when I was in Vegas a few years ago, I would have been there; he’s brilliant. But like the Pet Shop Boys and many other artists, he’s put out a lot of singles in his time – and a lot of them have sunk without trace. The reason he can put a double CD ‘Greatest Hits’ out isn’t necessarily representative of his hit rate, but testament to just how many songs he’s written and sung.

Leon Russell may be less familiar to you; he’s just been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and has a biography that is essentially the history of modern popular music.

And so last year, the two of them brought out an album called The Union – and a single is eventually making it out to give it a post-release boost. I’m glad of that – because if it’s anything to go by I may well have to get the full album. This is textbook soulful, melancholic Elton – “Your Song” or “Sacrifice” rather than “Crocodile Rock”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY3vg2wgE_Y

Tim: Not bad, really. Halfway through each verse I want to jump in with ‘I’ll stand by you’, but it’s decent enough.

Tom: I don’t think it’s going to enter the public consciousness in the same way as those earlier songs, but it’s still making me sway in my seat and hold my metaphorical lighter in the air. To still be releasing music this good after forty years of releasing and performing? That’s amazing right there. Cliff Richard could only manage the bloody “Millennium Prayer” after forty years.

I do wish the bloke with the bass drum would tone it down a bit though – and I’m sure there’s a bit more autotune-tweaking than there really needs to be in there, which is a bit of a shame.

JLS feat. Tinie Tempah – Eyes Wide Shut

This was inevitable.

Tom: I suppose a collaboration like this was inevitable. There’s only so far you can go with boy-band ballad harmony, and getting someone else in to do the rap vocals is a better idea than letting any of the condom-peddlers have a go.

Tim: Yeah, but – he isn’t, really. He’s there for less than fifteen seconds; according to maths that works out to about six and half percent, which barely justifies the ‘featuring’. The cynical part of me would suggest that they’re aiming for the Tinie Tempah fans, because for whatever reason the JLS fans aren’t enough. God knows why, though – they’ve not really had a problem getting a number 1 before now.

Tom: There’s hardly any interaction between the two, though. JLS sing. And then Tinie Tempah raps for a bit. And then JLS sing for a bit more. With the exception of a couple of quick exclamations at the end, it’s almost as if Tinie just recorded his verse to a click track and let the producers paste it in later.

Tim: Weird thing: Tinie’s yelling out the names, but thirty seconds into the song after JLS have done their bit. It’s as though they correctly thought, ‘Yelling out names at the start of the record is silly. Let’s make our song properly,’ but then he came along and said, ‘What’s this? I’m a rapper, I can’t be in a song but not yell my name out a the start! How dare they try and stop me.’

Tom: Speaking of which: I reckon you’re thinking “this sounds a lot like Calvin Harris’ I’m Not Alone“. And you’d be right – because Calvin Harris produced this too, not so much ‘laying down’ the track as ‘copying and pasting’ it.

And, while we’re at it, did they really have to rip the title from Stanley Kubrick? I’m assuming JLS aren’t getting involved in masked orgies. If they were, the tabloids would be onto them like a shot.

Enrique Iglesias feat. Ludacris – Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You)

This is an incredibly creepy song.

Tom: There are some songs that hide their meanings in cryptic metaphor; there are some that take a direct approach. This is one of the latter.

Tim: It is a bit, isn’t it?

Tom: I admire quite how direct he is, but let’s be honest: if he wasn’t Enrique Iglesias, this would be an incredibly creepy song.

Tim: That sentence should be reworded: ‘let’s be honest: this is an incredibly creepy song.’

Tom: The trouble is that, while it’s fairly listenable to start with, even a rap bridge from Ludacris can’t really justify its four-minute length. Once the shock value wears off, that synth backing really starts to grate – and there’s no build either. The first chorus is just as energetic as the last, and it ends on a whimper rather than (hurr) a bang.

Tim: It’s not that listenable, though – it’s the autotune, and it really turns me off, I mean, why? We all know he can sing the right notes, he doesn’t need autotuning – is there a point to it other than to make him sound like a robot?

Tom: That’s the style these days. Doesn’t matter if you can sing or not: you’ve got to sound a bit like Cher. The radio edit is of course a bit toned town – to “Lovin’ You” – and without that bit of swearing the whole song seems to fade into nothing. Pity.

Tim: Hmm. I remember when Enrique was a nice person, singing nicely about being a hero, and kissing away the pain. Now’s he’s been sucked in by hip-hop and turned into a dick.

The Vaccines – Post Break-Up Sex

Like Pulp, but a bit crap.

Tom: I think “like Pulp, but a bit crap” basically sums this up. Or alternatively “the London Pulp”, which basically says the same thing.

Tim: I don’t know, I don’t mind it – the music I can take or leave, but part of me likes the the lyrics, which are basically ‘yeah, we had sex, now sod off,’ even though I’d often just hate them. Somehow the barefacedness of it seems to work – maybe with the music – and doesn’t just make the singer seem like a misogynistic twat.

Tom: The Vaccines won third place in the BBC’s Sound of 2011 competition, which really doesn’t make me hold out music hope for the British music scene this year. And the single’s competent, I suppose, but it’s just whiny 90s Britpop – and without Jarvis Cocker at the helm, is it really worth bringing that back?

Tim: Depends if it’s better than what else is around. And looking at a couple of the songs we’ve reviewed previously, I would say yes. Although it would be nice if there were other options around that they could choose instead. Oh, wait. There are.

Tom: And all of them from Scandinavia.

Tim: Problem?

RPA and the United Nations of Sound – This Thing Called Life

This is beautiful.

Tom: Tim, this is beautiful.

Tom: “RPA” is short for Richard Ashcroft, who – to refresh your memory – was the lead singer of the Verve, best known for Bittersweet Symphony. Despite just being released as a single, this isn’t a new track: it was on the band’s moderately-successful album back in 2010, but it’ll have bubbled under after that and won’t have been heard.

Which is a shame, because this record’s gorgeous. I hate to say this, but it’s an X Factor’s winner song here – provided they took the bit of swearing out. I started clicking my fingers along with the bridge, on the quiet ‘my brother / my mother’ bit. No reason. It just happened.

It’s five minutes of life-affirming major-key smile-inducing alternative pop. There’s even a little whistling dubbed in during the outro. It doesn’t sound like commercial bubblegum music – and that’s because it isn’t.

It’s gorgeous, and – for the first time in a long while – I’m so enamoured with a song that we’re reviewing that I’m going to go and listen to the album. I don’t think I’ve ever given higher praise.

Tim: Hmm. That’s quite a bit of enthusiasm you’ve got going there, and I couldn’t really bring myself to interrupt it. But I’m afraid I have to say: not really sharing it. The first time I listened, I properly listened to it, as is appropriate, and just as the bridge hit I though, ‘Wow, it’s finally ending.” It just seemed too long – it’s a full fifty percent longer than three and a half minutes, long defined as the proper length for a piece of music, whatever your genre. For me there was anything that kept me really wanting to hear more, and so I got a bit bored.

Having said that, I gave it another go and put it on while I was putting away my laundry, and I did enjoy it. Moral of the story: if you’re going to make good music, don’t make it too long if you want me to enjoy it.

Tom: Remind me never to show you any prog albums.

Mohombi ft. Nicole Scherzinger – Coconut Tree

This song is undeniably enjoyable.

Tim: You know Swedish-Moroccan person RedOne, or at least you certainly know his work. If we had one, he’d probably be Europlop’s Official Favourite Producer, due to his output consisting of work such as The Silence, Straight Through My Heart, Oui mais… non, Alejandro and many others. Now it turns out he’s even better than we thought, because he can make one of the Pussycat Dolls listenable.

Tom: Bloody hell, that’s a bold claim.

Tim: This song seems to be just about two people having fun lazing around on a beach, and to be honest I wouldn’t mind doing that right now, so I’m a little bit jealous really. Still, I won’t begrudge them a decent review, because this song is undeniably enjoyable.

Tom: “Under the coconut tree / you be chillin’ wi’ me”? Really? This isn’t the 90s, and this track isn’t sung by Peter Andre.

Tim: What – you won’t allow that but you’ll happily let Olly Murs off rhyming feet with beach? Back in the world of listenable music, though, Mohombi is half-Swedish and half-Congolese, and I think both sides come out in this track.

Tom: I can’t deny that – and you’re right that Nicole Whatsherface is actually listenable here as well.

Tim: The singing is full of energy, the music is vibrant, and if they don’t do something good with the video I’ll be very disappointed, because there’s certainly potential here.

Tom: It just seems like someone took a track from fifteen years ago and updated it with modern production – and my brain can’t quite get around the discontinuity. Even the bridge, lovely as it is, is definitely old-school. There’s even a bit of ‘Agadoo’ in there, I think.

Tim: Really? I can’t hear a problem, although I’ve got to admit I do have quite a soft spot for Agadoo. This is definitely the sort of song that would get me going if I was feeling a bit lethargic; for that it gets full marks.

Britney Spears – Hold It Against Me

How about we take a quick break from the usual?

Tim: Well, the final version of the new Britney single got leaked yesterday and the whole music internet and his dog is talking about it – how about we take a quick break from the usual and have a look at it?

Tom: Go for it. What do you think, Tim?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WiWqrAr57c

Tim: CAN’T STAND: the dubstep bits, which sort of includes the verses and definitely includes the first half of the bridge, which is absolutely not my type of thing.

CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF: the rest of it. This includes the choruses and the second part of the bridge, which will have lasers and smoke machines and hands in the air in any self-respecting club, and everything later than that.

That is what I think, and because it ends on a high, the positiveness wins over.

Tom: I have yet to find a dubstep track that I like, which is strange – normally, even in genres I don’t like, there are a couple of tracks that I’ll still enjoy. Dubstep? Not one, yet. It completely kills the energy in the bridge: there’s even a ramp up to it and then it just dies. That second half of the bridge, though, with the sparse drum hits? That’s bloody amazing. I want to dance to that.

Tim: Oh, and apparently if you, like me, thought you knew how to pronounce ‘hazy’, you were quite clearly wrong.

Tom: Tim, I have a degree in linguistics, I know the International Phonetic Alphabet, and I’m not sure I could transcribe what she sang there. I’m not sure those vowels are used in any human language. Perhaps she’s signalling the mothership.

Emma’s Imagination – This Day

It does go on a bit.

Tom: So this cheery singer won Sky’s “Must Be The Music” – no, I didn’t watch it either – with a lovely under-two-minute acoustic number.

Tim: It is quite nice, although it doesn’t help that my brain keeps interrupting with Hey There Delilah every time the guitar takes the focus.

Tom: The producers have added a few session musicians with strings and percussion and turned it into a proper single, and…

Tom: …well, it’s lovely but I wish it was still under two minutes. It does go on a bit.

Tim: Blimey, it does and all, doesn’t it? For me it’s the backing drum – once it starts it almost never stops or even varies from the same two second loop. There’s just too much instrumental in general – let’s have some lyrics, dearie.

Tom: It’s rare for me to outright call for this, Tim – but I want a remix. I want Almighty Records to take this and run with it and turn it into a key-change blasting pop spectacular. Because this is lovely, it’s wonderful, but there’s just not quite enough there. And no, dubstep doesn’t bloody count and it sounds awful. Like all dubstep.

My Chemical Romance – SING

They keep producing bloody good music.

Tom: I shouldn’t like My Chemical Romance, but I do. The overblown videos, the concept albums, the teenage demographic… I should be rolling my eyes and trying to get the damn kids off my lawn. But, inconveniently, they keep producing bloody good music.

Tom: This is the second single off Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, the second concept album. If you actually care about the concept, Wikipedia (of course) has a decent write-up.

Tim: I don’t normally like concept albums – they only really work if all the songs are quite good, or at least listenable, and often they’re not. Fortunately, though, My Chemical Romance don’t seem to have a problem making this so. Hurrah! This track in particular, I like a lot – it’s not quite Famous Last Words good, but it’s on a par with Welcome to the Black Parade, the song that first got me into them.

Tom: The video is, of course, part of the whole mythos they’ve invented. The plot will almost certainly never attain any kind of coherency.

Tim: No, but then it’s not really meant to – just needs to fit in with the rest. And actually, I love it. I am slightly wondering how the next video will work, though, given that they’ve killed off the lead singer.

Tom: With laser gun battles and Stormtrooper-quality aiming in this one? A resurrection’s almost certainly on the cards.

Talk about your rousing choruses, though. They’ll play arena shows, and everyone there will be chanting this chorus along with them. It’s not catchy, tinny Europop, but it doesn’t have to be: this is music that teenagers are going to listen to in their bedrooms while they write bad poetry and pine over unrequited love. If you don’t feel your fists clench a little on the final chorus, you have no soul.