Matt Cardle – Run For Your Life

He’s trying to be Snow Patrol.

Tim: Well, it had to happen sooner or later, I suppose. But first tell me: if you were an X Factor winner, and the nation had already pretty much decided you were fairly damp and boring, would your first proper single be a message of ‘go on and forget about me’?

Tom: I’m both simultaneously disappointed and relieved that this wasn’t a Beatles cover – because, while that would be a fantastic song for him to cover, there’s no way it could be better than the original. So what’s he actually singing?

Tom: Right, he’s trying to be Snow Patrol.

Tim: It’s…well, it’s not terrible, I suppose.It’s certainly no threat to One Direction at the top my my iTunes play count chart, but it’s listenable. It has a James Blunt v2 air about it, really – mostly dull, yes, but a chorus that’s at least 78% more energetic than I imagined it would be, and a closing part that’s almost overflowing with existence.

Tom: Talk about damning with faint praise. But you’re right; the chorus almost justifies the slow-motion verses. Almost. But not quite.

Tim: It’ll probably get at least top 10, but I can’t help thinking we’ve another Joe McElderry or Leon Jackson.

Tom: Who?

Tim: You know, Leon Jackson. Won X Factor, had a song ‘When You’ — actually, you know what? It really doesn’t matter.

The Saturdays – All Fired Up

Less ridiculous autotune.

Tom: You know, I’m a bit surprised the Saturdays are still going. When they first came out, I assumed they were going to be one-hit wonders.

Tim: Are you serious? Despite at least one of them having the musical pedigree of formerly being in S Club Juniors?

Tom: This track’s certainly better than their last one. A bit less ridiculous autotune on the vocals, backed by what I can only describe as a banging choon.

Tim: Less ridiculous autotune? Did you stop listening after 90 seconds? But yes, banging.

Tom: I think you’re forgetting just how much ridiculous autotune they’ve used in the past.

The middle-eight drops it down a bit too far for me, but all is made better by the slow-build ramp out of it. What’s with the dodgy fade-out at the end, though? Those seem to be making a comeback lately, and I’m not sure I like it.

Tim: Yeah, me neither – it sort of implies a lack of effort on everybody’s part.

Tom: One minor point of order though: it’s pronounced “ray-dar”, not “raider”. Just sayin’.

Tim: Erm, that should be “saying”, not “sayin'”. Just saying.

Tom: Git.

James Blunt – Dangerous

Interesting for all the wrong reasons.

Tom: I wouldn’t normally even mention James Blunt’s music – no matter how much you may like the man himself, I think we can agree that his music tends to be a bit on the insipid side.

This one, though, is interesting for all the wrong reasons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgJVMa2g9Fg

Tim: Is it?

Tom: If Chesney Hawkes’ songwriter isn’t getting royalties for “The One and Only” off this, then he’s probably thinking about legal action. And as for the composers of Flashdance’s soundtrack

Tim: It had been a while since I heard The One and Only, so I didn’t think anything of it at the start. Then I went and listened to it, and then relistened to James Blunt, and my word yes. I’d not heard Flashdance at all, but yes, there as well. Although in that case: let’s be honest, its a very basic drum pattern, and there are only so many of them to go round – I’m sure there are other songs I’ve heard it on as well.

Tom: It’s more than a drum pattern! It’s the entire melody line. Tell me I’m not the only one hearing that – it’s almost the same song.

What gets me is that apparently, no-one muttered “you know, this really sounds like those other songs” loud enough during the production process. Because surely everyone’s going to notice this, right?

Tim: Well, maybe, but there are two things to consider: firstly, you can’t copyright a drum beat, and secondly, does anybody actually care?

Cee Lo Green – Cry Baby

Cee Lo’s such a big name now he doesn’t even have to appear in his own music videos.

Tom: Cee Lo’s such a big name now he doesn’t even have to appear in his own music videos.

Tom: And what a music video. Studio backlot street, old-school singing and dancing, and a joyous disregard for continuity.

Tim: Video’s alright, but the song’s a bit dull – there’s no decent hook to get into, and his voice really doesn’t seem to be, well, used that much. This could kind of be anyone singing.

Tom: I do really like all the neo-Motown tracks that have come out this year: and Cee Lo does seem to be king of them all. This is the fifth single off the latest album, which is pushing it by any standards – but I can still see it being successful.

Tim: Perhaps, but if it is it’ll more likely be because it’s the new Cee Lo Green track, rather than just being a great track.

Electric Lady Lab – Touch Me

“This finishes way too soon.”

Tim: This finishes way too soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVmIZIEJuLk

Tom: Oh my word. You know I like mashups, and it takes a lot for me to have my brain confused by one – but this certainly managed it. I was already singing “The Sun Always Shines On TV” by the first repeat of that sample, and then I just got completely sideswiped.

Tim: Starts with a ‘ooh, this sounds like it’ll be lovely’, and then goes in a completely different direction, but it stills keeps that lovely vibe going throughout and that’s not something that often happens.

Tom: Hang on. You’ve heard “The Sun Always Shines On TV”, right? You must have done.

Tim: Erm… well, er..

Tom: You can’t have been into europop for this long and not heard it. Seriously, aside from Take On Me, it’s a-ha’s most famous single. Everyone’s heard of that.

Tim: Take On Me? Wasn’t that by A1?*

* I’M JOKING. But seriously, how long ago does 2000 look now?

Tom: What worries me is that if you have a gap this large in your musical knowledge – what am I missing?

Tim: Well, I don’t know – I guess I’ve just never explored the older stuff. Tell you what – I’ll get hold of a couple of compilation CDs and listen to them, and we can move on. Deal?

The middle eight, for me at least, has a ‘hurry up and get to the good bit’ feel to it, but then unfortunately when it does get there it almost immediately stops with a crap fade-out. Part of me’s hoping they’ve deliberately cut this short for YouTube; can’t think why they would, though.

Tom: As a mashup with an existing song, it’d be listenable but nothing special; if this is the track they’re actually releasing, then it’s not a patch on the original. Morten Harket’s vocals stand up to this day, and this new version is just… forgettable.

Tim: Well, I disagree and think it’s great. Only out in Denmark right now, mind.

Tom: I’ll be honest: I hope that’s where it stays.

Saturday Flashback: Sak Noel – Loca People

HUGE in European clubs. You in a partying mood?

Tim: This has been around since April, and was apparently HUGE in European clubs. You in a partying mood?

Tom: Oh yes I am. And you know what? I’m going to put the ‘uncensored’ version of this up as well. Viewers beware: strong language and sexual imagery ahead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZLd81IHGQw

Tim: Now, my first reaction on hearing this was, well, to quote the song, ‘what the fuck?’ I really don’t get this – not keen at all. Big all over Europe? Really?

Tom: It does have a bit of a beat to it, I guess, but it’s really rather dull. The vocal just sounds bored.

Tim: But then I realised I wasn’t in a club, and so this song wouldn’t work. In a club, we can DANCE, and GO CRAZY.

Tom: Yes.

Tim: We can JUMP TO THE BEAT.

Tom: Yes.

Tim: We can SPIKE FIT GIRLS’ DRINKS.

Tom: …I have a feeling that the target market for this song wouldn’t find that quite as offensive as most of our readers will.

Tim: Well, as far as I know most of our readers aren’t out HAVING IT LARGE in Kavos and Magaluf. For those sorts of places this song is great. At hone? Not so much.

That’s not meant to sound as judgemental as it probably did, by the way.

Tom: It’s a song that requires the volume to be cranked to ear-splitting proportions, and the alcohol to be flowing freely.

Rob & Nino – Rewind

Have you ever ended up drunk and in a kebab shop?

Tim: Have you ever ended up drunk and in a kebab shop trying to persuade the bloke who works there to give you a free one? I’m sure that if you have, you wish you could press Rewind. Like these chaps apparently can.

Tom: Because if you can rewind time, making sure you had enough money for another kebab would obviously be the trigger for that.

Tom: Seriously, what’s with this video? I can’t pretend to follow any kind of plot there. And if you’re going to put director credits on it, it feels like it should have a plot.

Tim: Well, there’s sort of a plot. They want a kebab, but then they can’t, so they have to go back in time, where they dance and then get a kebab. Anyway, the music’s sort of like a Swedish Taio and Cruz, if Taio Cruz was two people, that is, and despite all the horrible autotune and the general style of it all, I quite like this. There’s a vaguely decent tune to it, and the added key boost* in the middle eight is a pleasant surprise, as well. Good stuff.

Fans of this can also hear another song they stuck up on YouTube a few days back (via which may or may not have been how I found out about their first single in the first place).

* Is that a phrase? Well, it is now.

Tom: I think I’m more surprised that a kebab only costs about £2 in Sweden, really.

Le Kid – We Are The Drums

Somewhat restrained for a Le Kid offering.

Tim: Their first album’s finally out next week, and here’s a new single from it.

Tom: Wait, haven’t they been putting tracks out for months? Took them long enough to get an album out. Let’s have a listen, then.

Tim: Somewhat restrained for a Le Kid offering, I feel, but none the worse for it. I was a little disappointed at the started when it sounded all autotuney and horrible, but then it goes all happy and poppy and lovely so it’s okay.

Tom: I was really quite worried with that first bit, but fortunately they pulled it back quickly enough. It isn’t quite as bubblegum as their earlier tracks, but then an entire album that was as sweet as ‘We Should Go Home Together’ would just be too much.

Tim: The whole ‘WE ARE MUSIC’ vibe seems to indicate no small amount of ambition, and according to their website they’re ‘getting ready to show Le Kid to the world’. While I can’t quite see it getting properly playlisted on Radio 1 any time soon, perhaps they’ll find a place on Scott Mills’s Ready for the Weekend or something (where, in fact, both September and Cascada got their Radio 1 debuts).

Tom: You know, I can see them getting a respectable following over here.

Tim: I would be very happy if they did. Going back to their website quickly, it also promises that “every follower of ours who wants to help us spread the Gospel of Le Kid has a special place in our hearts, and will be able to sleep with their Le Kid member of choice in five years time”. If that’s not encouragement to tell people about them then I really don’t know what is.

Bekker – Right on Time

Standard Star Pilots style tune… ludicrous key change.

Tim: Bekker, also known as Johan Becker, also known as him off of Star Pilots, presents us with this three-minute number.

Tom: A bold choice for a title there, given that many people will confuse it with Ride on Time, but let’s have a listen.

Tim: Standard Star Pilots style tune, with a nice pop/dance mix. While this is good, it wouldn’t really be enough to get me that excited.

Tom: Decent chorus, standard vocals. Nothing wrong with it, it’s just a bit, well, normal.

Tim: Except, of course, for the somewhat excellent five seconds that start at 2:20.

Tom: That’s a ludicrous key change right there.

Tim: It is, and I can’t help feeling that overall it doesn’t really help the song, because that sort of knocks the rest of it into mediocrity by comparison. It has a great chorus, better than average verses, but I said at the beginning it wouldn’t get me excited. And yet this song should. So here, I think we’ve found a key change that actually harms the song.

Tom: Yep. He’d have been better off cutting it beforehand – although two minutes might be a bit too short even for a track like this.

St. Lucia – All Eyes On You

A big dance tune, with some proper instruments over the top.

Tim: From New York, this song was on Radio 1 when my alarm woke me up at an antisocial hour on Saturday morning. And my, word, did it get me out of bed in a good way.

Tom: I’ll try and leave innuendo aside, shall I?

Tim: You could do, but you never have done before.

Tom: It starts a bit slowly, doesn’t it?

Tim: Well, yes, it does take a minute or two to get going properly, but when it does it’s absolutely brilliant.

Tom: I found myself quietly nodding my head along to it after that first minute, and when it finally kicked in – well, yes. I wasn’t expecting that.

Tim: A big dance tune, with some proper instruments over the top, and all sorts of strange somewhat blurry vocals. At forty seconds, the middle saxophony bit could be said to be a bit long, and it could probably be chopped in half and no-one would mind, but when my only complaint is that part of it is a bit too long, I think we can safely say this is a good tune.

Tom: Saxophone solos! They’re coming back, Tim, mark my words. And I don’t think it’s too long at all – the piano-chord build justifies it.

Tim: There is that, but I just think it could all be sped up a little. Anyway, you were saying?

Tom: I wouldn’t say it’s entirely a dance tune, though; it’s not got enough of a beat for that. It’s designed for listening, rather than dancing, I reckon.

Tim: There’s an element in the chorus – especially when it comes back for the big climax – of Take That’s The Flood, which is a bit strange, but it’s certainly not a problem. Mash-up, anyone?

(Oh, and the weird face thing in that video does have a reason for being there – it’s the single artwork. Just so you know.)